In My Remains

We're building it up

A/N: Yes, we can blame Mike again why it took so long for me to write this, lol xD Sorrrry!

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And so it was as Mike had thought. Brad had fallen back to the non-speaking. He knew that memories were a lot to handle when they attacked the poor guitarist at once, but he was scared. Again. That Brad was beyond repairable. It was all going so well and then this. A sudden fall that Mike hadn't been prepared to.

Now, after watching Brad drifting somewhere in the darkness for two days, Mike knew he had to try to make him talk again. He couldn't have another excruciating period without hearing Brad's voice. He was still laying on the bed, curled under the covers when Mike came back from his normal routines. He crawled next to the other finally able to organize his thoughts.

"Hey... Brad."

No answer. Brad was staring past him. He stroked the unshaven cheek carefully, waiting for any reaction.

"Please tell me so I can help."

Still nothing. Just teeth gnawing the lip and serious eyes locked to the wall.

"Please Brad. I beg you."

Deep sigh and then the eyes flicked to stare at him.

"I can't."

"Why? You know you can trust me. You have to know that right?" Mike knew he had a slight chance.

"Still. It's so fucking stupid", the other said his voice sad.

"Don't think it is. They are your feelings. No one can tell you that they are stupid", Mike sighed shaking his head.

"So you say. I'm fucking scared. Why not before? Huh? He is caught now so I am supposed to be happy", Brad said turning his gaze away and drawing his lips to a tight line.

He couldn't explain it. Again a thing he couldn't explain. So silence was a better option.

"I couldn't sleep last night. I had nightmares and when I finally woke up I didn't want to fall back to sleep. But still, all I could hear was his voice. Awake or asleep. I can't... think anything else", he continued.

"Brad... Why didn't you wake me up? I'm here for you. You know that!" Mike couldn't believe his ears. "Really. You can't shut me out."

"I know that. I don't... do that on purpose. I just can't talk about it cause I don't know how", Brad muttered.

"And still you just did", Mike smiled and kissed him carefully.

"I hate this. I would have rather taken the oblivion", Brad shifted feeling uncomfortable cause of the haunting thoughts.

"Yeah. I get it. But... You know what you did for that woman? It won't bring his husband back but it's just justice. Retaliation kind of too when the man is sentenced. The man will face a long time in jail and he will never do it again. What if he was a serial killer? What if the next victim would had died too? We were just lucky that you didn't", the emcee grabbed his shoulder squeezing it to emphasize his words.

"I love you Mike", Brad mumbled causing the other smile broadly.

"I know you do. But you can't shut me out. Not again. Not like that. Please Brad... Next time just talk to me. I don't care how stupid you think it it. It's you, your feelings. It could never be stupid for me", the half Asian sighed.

How freaking complex can this all be. He is alive and obviously healing physically, Mike thought feeling sad that their minds were playing tricks and making it harder.