In My Remains

And when you tell me again that I should give in

A/N: Hellooooo all! Dialogue heavy chapter, sorry about that o.o No need for candy after this... x) When they talk they can't stop talking. And my next one to write is 'Reading My Eyes'.

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Mike couldn't really sleep that night. Brad had fallen asleep soon, but he stayed up pondering was there something he could do. He could make up many things he could try, but the more he thought about them the more they didn't make any sense anymore. After the sun had started to rise the rays creeping in between the blinds he sighed and got up. Brad was still cold under his touch and he wrapped the blanket around him up to the chin. Then he went to wash his face and order breakfast from the room service, with coffee. While he waited he changed his clothes. After he got the first sip of the black liquid down he grabbed a throw blanket from the chair and sat on the floor with the coffee wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. There he watched Brad's sleeping form and fell back into his thoughts.

He didn't know how long it had been when he awoke to Brad sat next to him. "Hi."

"Hey", he moved the blanket to get Brad under it and squeezed him closer. Brad was actually smiling, which was confusing him. "What now?"

The other sighed. "Stop asking me that. I have no fucking idea what is going in my head but I am okay now. So can we just..."

"Just continue? If that's what you wish then yes. But you have to know how it breaks my heart to see you fall apart", Mike mumbled.

"I know. I really do. It wasn't that bad yesterday."

"Yeah well...", Mikes started but bit down then to his lip. He had to take a second to calm himself down. He really just wanted to yell at Brad that he wasn't okay and needed help but he didn't want to force him to anything either. "Maybe it wasn't to you but it was to me. After all we have achieved... And then you pushed me away. That hurts the most. If you can't talk it hurts, but I can deal with it. If you start... Brad, I love you too much. Don't shut me out. Please."

"I can't explain it. Sometimes it feels like you're crushing me, but then I feel... like... I need you. You make me whole", the guitarist mumbled, afraid that he would make Mike regret their relationship.

"So... Let me get this straight. I suffocate you but make you feel whole?" Mike asked even more confused.

"Yeah. Or maybe that is the thing. I feel like I am supposed to be better and live up to some standard but when I can't I feel like I am a disappointment. And I know it's stupid. I shouldn't feel this way. You know, get confused and scared. The guy is caught and all that. Still I just...", Brad shrugged.

Mike grabbed Brad's hand that had again started to scratch the cream white skin. "You're not. A disappointment. You never are. And it's not stupid. You are so brave that you are trying. And it's okay to break down. But I wish you wouldn't have to do it. That I could help you so you can heal in peace. But I am still so proud of you. So, so proud. You have to know it right?"

There was just a nod instead of words, but Mike took it gladly.

"If I am suffocating you then... we need to figure something out", Mike sighed. Chester's words ran through his head and he got chills just by thinking that he would have to be apart from Brad. He knew he could do it if it meant that Brad would get better. But the idea still cut him so deeply.

"Yeah. Don't... demand it. That's what's the worst part", Brad mumbled confused by all the emotions that he couldn't recognize.

"Okay. Then I will try to do what you wish", Mike nodded. Then he noticed that Brad's hand had trailed again to the arm. "Wait a second."