In My Remains

Now I find myself in question

A/N: It almost calls a prequel/spin off... xD 'Reading My Eyes' is my next one to write.

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"Fuck", Brad gasped taking a step back, away from the stage.

The crowd was cheering, but due to the event there wasn't that many people. For him those could just have been thousands. As scary it was. Or maybe it was just cause of that. He could see every face. Every facial expression, if he would just look. Which he refused to do. All those people waited how he would perform. Judging every possible move, thinking why he did this or that. If he would play wrong they would think it was cause of the arm. Or that he was just mentally broken. Which he was. Certainly. At least now. The anxiety was squeezing his heart, making it so damned hard to breathe.

"You can do it. You know that", Mike whispered in his ear touching his back slightly.

He wanted to kiss Brad so badly. But he knew they weren't alone. Even if the band associates had been briefed about their relationship there were others that didn't know. Others who could inform the media. And then there was the crowd too.

They had spent too long in the car before the show. Brad clinging to him, falling back to his reluctant non-speaking state. Mike managed to talk him out of this, but now, there they were again. Brad looked like deer in the headlights, ready to ran at any second. Swallowing hard constantly, checking behind him and squeezing the guitar neck knuckles white.

But the cue came and Jim pushed them on the stage. Mike tried to not stare at Brad too much, so that the people wouldn't wonder why. Even though when it would be somewhat normal in that situation. But, then again him staring would make the crowd think he was worried. Which he certainly didn't want to show. That would just lead to more questions. And then cause Brad to shut down.

Brad disappeared in to the songs. To the only three they played. Playing just like he normally would. Only thing was that he was sitting, so he couldn't really just turn his back to the crowd. He interacted as little as possible with them anyway, and that way managed through. He kept chewing his lips, trying to focus to the breathing, keeping his gaze on the guitar. The crowd had so many familiar faces, mostly people inside the label and some other bands and their friends. Which was same time good, and bad. They knew him and they were compassionate. But cause of that they had the pity, which strange people wouldn't have as visible in their eyes.

When they were finished he escaped to the room they had used before the show, which was actually just a storage space, as fast as possible leaving the others handle the rest. Gasping he started to pace around balling up his shaking hands. He wasn't able to calm himself down. The weight on his chest was just getting worse, suffocating him.

"Brad", Mike came to the room, instantly pulling him to his arms. "It's okay. You were amazing."

"I can't breathe", Brad trembled, squeezing him so hard that Mike wondered where all the strength came suddenly.

"I know. Try. Just try. I'm here", the half Asian muttered running his hands up and down Brad's back massaging the tense muscles.

Brad was breathing heavily, but the trembling was slowly subsiding, changing to small shivers. Mike didn't know how long they were there before Chester entered the room looking at them worried.

"Is he okay?" the singer asked.

Mike kissed Brad's cheek and nodded to him, receiving a careful smile back. "Slowly, yes."

"Brad there's really nothing to worry about. You did really well. The few I talked with were amazed that you actually played already", Chester tried to reassure him.