The Bachelor (Jerika)

Chapter Fifty Two

Morning of Finale-
Erika POV: We're standing in a never ending field of daises; hands intertwined and eyes locked on one another. The sun casts a halo above his blonde hair, and sends splinters of green through his brown eyes. He tucks a stray hair behind my ear. "It's you, Erika. It's always been you." I feel myself blush as we lean in... and then my eyes fly open and I'm pulled out of my dream world. I sigh and get out of bed; glancing at my tear stained pillow still damp from a night of regret and remorse. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I had cried more than I thought was possible, and for the first time in my life I felt utter shame. I never should have let things go on that long with Anthony. I never should have lied to Jake about it. I never should have hid it all. But it all seemed fine until it all fell apart. I run my hand over the dress the stylists had picked for me to wear to the finale, the dress I'd have to wear as I would watch Jake pick Jenna over me. I know it'll shock everyone; the audience polls seem to be sure I'll win. But they're all in for a big surprise. Suddenly my stomach growls, and I realize how hungry I am. I leave my room to get some breakfast, but as I walk out I hear Jenna's humming from down the hall and so I run back into my room. I couldn't deal with her happiness right now. I knew she didn't do anything wrong, but the whole situation had made things awkward between us. After all, she was ending up with the guy I loved. I sigh again, and drag myself into the shower. I let the steaming hot water rain down on me; attempting to cleanse the pain, the guilt, the shame from my skin. But the sensation of the water only reminded me of the time Jake and I had danced on the roof, one of the best moments of my life. I feel the tears welling up again, and I let them fall. Soon I begin to sob, and I let myself slid down the shower wall. I sit with my knees drawn to my chest; sobbing for what felt like forever. Everything sucked. So much. I continue to cry until I hear a loud knocking at my door; I try to ignore it but it doesn't stop. Groaning, I turn off the shower, and open the door to face a familiar face.

For the first time in exactly 34 hours, I smile. "Tessa?!" I yell as she bounds through the door and crashes into my arms. "Erika, I missed you so so much." "I missed you more." "Impossible." She pulls away from me; grinning. "I'm here for the finale, can you believe it? I didn't think they'd invite me but I guess they wanted to smooth things over." She pauses. "I know filming only starts in a couple of hours, but I figured I'd get here early to surprise you. So, surprise!" I laugh. "I'm so very happy you're here. How's everything?" She shrugs. "Good. Better. Kian and I started dating." I grin. "No way! That's awesome." She nods. "He's great, he's so sweet and funny. We go together so well." She laughs. "But enough about me. Let's talk about you, miss future girlfriend of Jake Paul!" My smile quickly fades, and I look away. Tessa scrunches her eyebrows. "Sorry, did I say something?" I shake my head. "It's just...a lot happened, Tessa." "What do you mean?" I sigh. "It's a long story." We both go to sit on my bed, and I narrate the whole story to her; from when Anthony first appeared to when Jake catching me with Anthony. By the time I finish recounting everything tears have welled up in my eyes again. "And so now he hates me. He's picking Jenna." I look at Tessa, who sits silent. She finally takes a deep breath. "Wow. That is a lot." I nod slowly. "Erika, you did make a big mistake by not telling him about Anthony. I mean, that was dumb. But at the same time..." she sighs. "You guys are soulmates. I just know it. He can't be seriously willing to forget everything you guys had." "He is." "Then that's his loss. What about Anthony? Would you get back with him?" I shake my head. "We're both over that. That relationship is over." She nods, then puts her arm around my shoulder. "Well, no matter what you'll always have me. Boys come and go, but I'll always be here." I smile and lean onto her shoulder. "Thanks, Tessa." She glances at her watch. "Hey, shouldn't you be getting ready? It's getting kinda late." I groan. "I really don't want to..but I'm going to be on national television. I don't have a choice." She smiles. "Then cmon, let's go." Tessa and I then head downstairs, and of course the first thing I see is Jenna; who's already in the process of getting ready. I give her a slight smile while Tessa goes over to chat. I let them talk as I rummage through the fridge to find something to eat. I finally settle down with some toast and juice, but though I'm starving I can't bring myself to eat. Seeing all these preparations made me feel like throwing up; it was all too real, all too soon. I dreaded having to get rejected in front of millions of people, and I dreaded having to watch Jenna get her happy ending. Because it was supposed to be my happy ending. I struggle through half my meal before I give up and decide to start getting ready. Tessa helps me pick out jewelry and accessories, and for the next hour the two of us catch up on everything as stylists, makeup artists and hairdressers prep me for the finale. After they finish I'm led to a floor length mirror. I take a deep breath and look at myself; at first glance I looked beautiful. My hair was softly curled, body wrapped in a flowing pearl white dress, lips glossy and eyes shimmering. But if you looked closer you could see all the cracks. The lines under my eyes, the dulled smile, the tired body and the limp hair. You could see the sadness. The sadness that was all consuming, the sadness that was draining, the sadness that leaked out of me. I could hear one of the make up artists whispering as I stood silent in front of the mirror; a single tear slipping down my face. "Is everything alright, Miss. Costell?" I nod, swiping away the tear. "She's just nervous," Tessa interjects. She pulls me away. "Hey. Look at me." She nudges my chin up. It'll be okay, Erika. You were there for me at my lowest point. And you can bet your ass I'll be here for yours. I know it feels like the whole world is falling apart. But things get better. Look at me! I got better, and so will you." She pulls me into a hug, and we sit quietly until an assistant interrupts us. "Erika, it's time to head to the studio. We need to rehearse for the show, we go live in an hour. You ready?"