My Mafia Lover | Lai Guanlin ✔

Chapter 20

An early update? I don't know 😂

Anyway, enjoy!

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Guanlin

"Can you let me talk to her? Please?!" I begged in front of Daniel.

"How many times do I have to repeat? I said no." Daniel said firmly.

I let out a stressful sigh. "I've been waiting for months, okay? I gave her enough time. I want to talk to her now!" I raised my voice at the end of my sentence.

"Even if I allow you, do you think Mina would want to talk to you? No. So get the fuck off." He said, anger was evident in his voice.

He was right. What if Mina doesn't want to?

"Please...just-"

"Enough, Guanlin." He stopped me. "Your begging is not going to bring me anywhere. Get away from her and stop wasting my time." He finished as he pushed me and walked off.

I tried to stop him but I gave up. He was right. I can't do anything if she doesn't want to.

I went to my bedroom and dropped myself on the bed. I tried to find ways I could talk to her but I couldn't find any ways.

I know that I've done a mistake. I shouldn't have said that. But I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even realize that I said that...

But why? Why won't she listen to me? Why does she keep getting away from me? I want to talk to her and make things better. Does she want it or not? Does she want the kid to be raised without a father or what?

Why does Jiwoo and Daniel keep pushing me away from her? Is it because they have this mentality that I would harm Mina and her baby? What the fuck?

My heart was sinking more as I thought about it. I ask myself everyday - why does this thing have to happen to me? Why do I have to be stuck in this hellhole? 

And most importantly, why don't things go in the way that I want to?

I'm sick and tired of this shit. I'm tired of running after her and trying to tell her something that she's not bothered of. If she doesn't want me, then let her be. I'm going to ignore both of them - pretend that they don't exist.

My eyes widened at what I just said. I felt my heart squeezing in pain as the tears started to fill on my water line. Shit I shouldn't cry.

I tried to blink off my tears as I pinched myself on the arm. This is what I do to prevent myself from crying. I believe that crying is for the weak and I have to be strong.

If saying this hurts me a lot then doing it would hurt me more right?

I pinched harder as my sadness grew bigger, making me feel worse. I swallowed the lump that already formed in my throat. Why did I have to say that?

I tried to calm myself down. While doing that, another thought came to my mind.

I'm the father of this child right? I should be taking care of it. Not ignoring it.

Those words made my heart shatter, making me feel extra worse. I couldn't control and eventually, I let my tears roll down my cheeks.

I couldn't handle it anymore so I let out all the pain that was kept buried in me. 

It was the first time that I've cried after a long time. It feels like the same old fucking feeling I used to have when I always cried.

I hate it when I cry. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like a crybaby.