Finding Fenrir (Underworld Chronicles Fanfiction)

Spark

Chapter 19

There is a moment when you realize that you are completely over your head and you are no longer in control of your own destiny. I have this sensation often. I'm usually around Hel and have no control of anything, my Other has taken control, or the things around me have become so fucking crazy that there is no point in trying to apply logic. All you can do is sit quietly and watch things unravel.

Listening to Jormungandr plan our next move was similar. It was like watching a game of racquetball with only one player, frantically bouncing a ball against a wall. "We'll need to send a request to Forseti and get an audience with him. He isn't fond of our family so that might be difficult, but if we use our time wisely, we can build a case before we go to him." Jormungandr was slithering as he talked, his eyes focused on a far away problem. "We'll probably need father."

I blinked, momentarily surprised out of my blank stare. "What? Why?" I asked.

Jormungandr stopped to look at me, his expression also seemed surprised. "Because he is a witness." He answered and I tilted my head.

"To what?" I asked, not sure where the serpent was headed with his thinking.

"He can tell the Judge when we arrived in Asgard and how we came to be under Odin's care. Also, he can testify that you and Sleipnir were surrogates for the lion's share of his crimes. You were punished because of our father's sins, but we'd done no wrong of our own. If he has any honor he will testify to that before the Judge." He said, continuing his thoughtful slithering. "I know for certain that Sleipnir deserved no punishment...."

"What about you? Surely, you didn't deserve - "

"I committed a crime against the royal house." Jormungandr answered in a snap. "Too many people were witness to the infringement for it to be ignored. That sentence shall not be overturned."

I was silent, unable to argue his logic. Even I had seen him committing his "crime." I bit my lip then sighed in frustration. "Is it not an outdated law?" I said finally, crossing my arms. "Besides, can we not argue that you are also a member of the royal family?"

"I lost my challenge!" Jormungandr hissed and I jerked away at his vehemence, gasping in surprise. He sighed, his scales smoothing and his irritation calming. "I was proven argr by Odin and banished, which we both know to be a kindness. Besides...we seek to aid you now brother. Worry not for my blight. As it is, we are already at a disadvantage."

"How so?" I mumbled, my head was starting to hurt.

"We are children of Loki." Jor answered softly, moving to wind slowly around me. "Our father murdered his father. Even the Judge is bound be somewhat against us."

I frowned, looking down at the floor. "Then why do we go before him?" I mumbled.

"Though the chance for your freedom is small it is still our only chance. You were punished even though you committed no crime." Jor said softly from over my shoulder. "It is now our burden to prove it to Forseti and convince him that your punishment is unfair. We seek no recompense, correct?" I shook my head. "Then this appeal does nothing more than free you of your bonds and take your words with the same honor and weight of any other Asgardian."

I felt my body go still as I considered it. I wasn't like any other Asgardian. I was a son of Loki. "Does it matter that we were born in Jotunheim?" I asked and saw his nostrils flare slightly.

"Mm. You have a point. Even though we were raised in Asgard, like our father, we are still creatures of Jotun decent through our mother." He looked thoughtful again then rested his head against my elbow. "No. I will not allow it to change the verdict. Our mother was a good woman, frost giant or no. She was also a princess and a warrior. True, this is also a thing we will probably have to prove to the Judge but we can make a case if necessary. We will make a case that your time in Asgard outweighs your time in Jotunheim for the simple fact that we left there as children. We were born of Jotunheim but our upbringing gives our loyalty to Asgard...in theory."

I nodded, biting my lip again. "You and Sleipnir both fought for Asgard while father and I were under Lady Frigga's tutelage to protect the throne through magic. Father proved that his craft was honorable and I had not used seiðr..." I added, remember that my father had been challenged and fought a holmgang challenge to prove his magic was not unmanly. Many felt that the practice and study of seiðr magic was a womanly practice but father had proved himself worthy. I still felt uncertain and a coil of fear in my gut. "I did nothing of import in Asgard. I was not a warrior, though father insists that was the case. I'm surprised that I was not accused as an Ergi." I growled the word, disliking it after seeing my brother persecuted for something so meaningless.

"The word is 'gay man' now." Jormungandr grumbled. "It is more accepted in the human world but I doubt that Agard has changed their views." Jormungandr shook his head slightly. "It does not matter that you were more of a scholar than your older brothers. There are witnesses to your arrival, your tutelage, and your continued loyal service at the behest of the royal family. You were never accused of being gay, much less seen kissing a boy as I was...there is a real chance that Forseti will see your innocence in this matter." He gasped quietly and looked over at me with a look of hopeful excitement. "Perhaps Lady Frigga would be kind enough to speak of your studies at her side! It speaks of your character."

I frowned. His words didn't ease the uncertainty in my gut. They were pretty words that made me seem more useful and important than I was. The deception put a spur of anxiety in the back of my head. It felt as though I was riding my own freedom on hearsay and circumstantial things.

Let him. My Other hissed. He knows what he's doing.

I took a deep breath and made an effort to push the voice away. "What of Tyr? I tore off his hand."

Jormungandr snorted. "An accident! An instinctive reaction! You had no control over what happened and you apologized immediately!" He huffed softly and leaned closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder. "I feel that your punishment does not fit with your crime. You injured a man once and now must suffer for eternity? No. That is unfair. The Judge will see it so."

I looked toward Jormungandr and slowly nodded before leaning my head against his. He seemed pleased with my complacity. I was not convinced. All I knew was that for better or worse, the Judge decide what should be done. I would abide by Forseti's word, even if he said I would live forever as a slave as Odin commands. True, my suffering would continue, maybe even increase, but I would know it was a righteous punishment that I would deserve.

Fool. I heard the Other hiss. You can't even remember all the suffering. You are complacent because you are weak and ignorant.

"I can't remember it because you took over." I murmured and Jor's eye opened beside my ear.

"Hm?" He said questioningly. I shook my head and tapped my temple in frustration.

"It is the Other. He thinks I am weak." I explained.

Jormungandr's hum became disapproving. "You are harsh to Fenrir, little brother. He copes in his own way."

He copes by running away. The Other snarled. If Forseti denies your appeal you will be tortured and enslaved again! I will not save you! I cannot fight your indifference and their disdain!

I frowned, shaking my head. "He fears that Forseti will deny us and I will allow myself to be taken as a slave again. He says that he cannot fight my 'indifference and their disdain'." I wiggled my fingers in what I knew as air-quotes when I quoted the Other.

Jormungandr raised his head and huffed out a breath. "I suppose that is a fair assertion." He said in a grumble before looking down at me. "Do you wish to be free, Brother?"

"Of course!" I practically yelped then swallowed to try and calm down. "What sort of question is that?"

"We must go before the Judge knowing our cause is righteous. This is another sort of battle, one that only you can fight." He gently nudged my cheek with his nose. "You must have hope, my brother."

I suddenly wanted to cry. I raised my hands to hug his head close to mine and let out a trembling breath. "Hope is painful when it is crushed." I whimpered and he nuzzled me gently.

"This fight will be more difficult than any you've faced but it is one that I feel you can win. For now, trust in that and I will carry you to Forseti." Jor said in a soft whisper and I nodded, still holding onto him.

I would hold a small spark of hope. Perhaps the longer I held it the stronger it grow, despite my fears.