Finding Fenrir (Underworld Chronicles Fanfiction)

Memory

Chapter 22:

I had the most beautiful and terrifying dreams.

I dreamed I was young again, running through the snow frosted fields of Asgard. There was a beautiful boy running behind me with snow in his hair and his cheeks flushed with the chase. He was laughing as he ran behind me. I stopped and let the snow sink into the pads of my paws. "Wait for me!" The boy cried, laughing still and when he caught me he threw a pile of cloth on top of me. "Change back already!" He giggled. "I want to talk to you."

I shook some of the cloth off me, gave him a cheeky wolf smile, then dipped into the clothes and took on the shape of a dark-haired boy with eyes as green as spring leaves. I shrugged on the tunic and loose pants, not even bothering with the shoes and sitting cross-legged in front of him.
He giggled again and sat in front of me. "You're so pretty like this." He said, reaching over to touch the side of my face and pluck a leaf out of my hair.

I couldn't help my smile. He was my best friend. I loved him so.

The dream shifted and changed.

The beautiful boy was still touching my face. We were taller and broader now and he had me pressed against a stone pillar in an abandoned library. "Beautiful." He said, as he nuzzled the space between my neck and shoulder. The heat of his breath and the brief scrape of his teeth made me shiver.

"Stop it. Someone will see us." I protested, even as pleasure raced down my spine.

"Let them." He grumbled, nibbling my ear now. My knees wobbled and I instinctively held onto his shoulders to keep from falling. I felt him grin.

I tried to frown and glare. "It's forbidden. You, above everyone Mr. Law student, should know that."

He huffed and made no move to step away. Instead he pressed in closer to fit his knee between my thighs, making me gasp. "It's an old law. Let's change it." This time pressing a hot kiss to my mouth that left my legs even weaker than before.

I couldn't stop the quiet groan that left me any more than he seemed to stop the hum of pleasure that left him when we parted for breath. "Ugh. You don't listen." I grunted even as he rolled his hip against mine, sending more shivers through me.

The dream shifted again, like mist. I wasn't feeling pleasure anymore, we were still staring at each other but this time he looked furious and I was panicked. "You aren't listening!" I said and he flung his hands up in the air.

"What can you possibly say!? Your father murdered mine!" He said, the blue in his eyes was stronger with his anger. "He manipulated that poor blind man into murdering my father and still you defend him!"

"I'm not!" I shouted. "I'm not defending him! I just don't think Odin should be the one that hands out the punishment!"

"That's how it's always been!" He shouted whirling on me now. "I know we said there were laws that needed to change but we can't change everything!"

"Please." I begged, reaching out toward him. "Please, my love. Don't let him do it. I dread to think of how bad things will become."

He caught my fingers before I could touch him, his prismatic eyes locked on mine. I could see his pain swirling there, all the loss he felt now that his father was gone. "Perhaps you could have tried convincing your maniac father to not murder my father instead of trying to convince me to change a law that's been in place before we even took breath." He pushed my hands away and I almost whimpered. He walked away even as I called out to him.

Shift.

I called out to him as Odin sentenced Jormungandr. Jor had been witnessed and now he was sentenced. When was the trial? I wanted the trial to come so my lover would tell me why this law that even he hated was still there. Why was ergi even a word, still? Why did it matter? Odin glared at me and I think that was the moment I knew I'd be next to suffer. Even knowing that, I kept whispering my lover's name, hoping he could tell me why.

Shift.

"Why is he like this?" I heard someone ask as I panted desperately against the sword in my mouth. Gleipnir was tight around my ribs and shoulders, squeezing tighter with each breath.

I heard Thor laugh. "I thought you'd be happy to see one of Loki's brood this way, Baldrson...after what he did to your father."

"What HE did. Fenrir didn't have anything to do with that!"

Thor snorted. "What does it matter?"

"You're sick. I won't look at this anymore."

I heard footsteps and twitched even though the ropes twisted tighter around me. No...don't leave me. I thought. I couldn't say the words and I knew he was already gone but everything in me wanted him to stay even if it meant that he had to see me like this. I'm sorry...I'm weak...I just want to see you again….

Shift

"I had to see you again." He said. He was shaking and there were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

I whined. I didn't mind.

"This...this is my fault. I didn't listen." He wiped his eyes, moving to sit closer to me, close enough that I could smell the leather-bound books he always read and the tea he loved to drink. "I shouldn't have left him to execute the laws...no one being should have that power."

I sighed. Just having him close made everything feel just a little better. I wished I could talk to him again, but I wouldn't be greedy to hope for more than this. I opened my eyes again and looked up at him, meeting his sad prismatic gaze.

I forgave him. I had nothing to be angry at him about. I wanted him to be happy. My vision blurred as I told him with every bit of my soul that I loved him.

I couldn't form any words but he seemed to understand. He lowered his head and reached out to gently touch my brow. He took a shuddering breath then murmured "I love you, Fenrir. Someday you will run and laugh again. I swear to you."

I wept as I watched him go. I knew he would try. I knew he would fight. And like so many things, I took my love for him and tucked it away to keep it safe. My Other self held onto it far in the back of my mind, the very last vestige of memory that I held back as things started to fall apart.

I don't remember falling asleep.

But I do remember the day I woke up.