Finding Fenrir (Underworld Chronicles Fanfiction)

Cake

Chapter 25

I was sitting next to Forseti in the kitchen, watching Skoll beating batter for the cake he desired. Jormungandr was greedily watching the egg carton that Skoll had hidden from him on the opposite counter, his head moving this way and that as Skoll moved around the cooking area. "He's learned to cook what he wants. I'm hopeless on most things unless it's sandwiches or comes in a box." Forseti had claimed as Skoll began putting the pastry together.

I felt like I was dreaming all this. Perhaps it was a fantasy that I made up because that was the only way that any of it could happen. Every part of my being wanted to believe that it was happening but I couldn't stop hearing Loki's voice.

"Don't trust bliss, my boy. It is a dangerous poison."

It didn't help that I couldn't hear the Other in my head anymore. Somehow that made me more edgy than before. He was my guardian and his sudden disappearance was unsettling. I found myself lingering on the sensation of being alone in my thoughts and becoming more uneasy as the moments passed.

I frowned. Why couldn't I hear him anymore? Was everything over? Was I finally out of danger and didn't need the Other anymore?

I felt like there was something I should be doing. I was with Forseti and Skoll, everything was right on paper. But I was still restless.

I glanced at Forseti, who was watching Skoll with a quiet affectionate smile. He didn't seem to be paying attention to my uneasiness.

At least that's what I thought. Then I suddenly felt his arm curl around my chest and haul me close to him, resting my head against him.

"What's wrong?" He asked me quietly, his eyes still watching Skoll as the young warrior began to pour batter into pans.

I paused, chewing my lip with uncertainty, then finally I sighed. "I can't hear the voice of my Other self anymore. It is unsettling."

"You don't need him anymore, my love." Forseti whispered, leaning to kiss my temple before carding his fingers gently through my hair and along my scalp. Unintentionally I tilted my head toward his hand, closing my eyes as some of my muscles began to relax.

His touch was like a drug. I wanted to lean into him. I wanted to sag and rest my whole body on him. I did none of those things, but I did sigh quietly. "Please...I...I can't think when you touch me." I murmured.

His hand in my hair went still and when I opened my eyes I saw the skin on his arm go up into goosebumps at the remark. I tilted my head up to see his eyes and for a moment there was a hunger there that I only vaguely remembered. I felt heat on my face and looked away and he awkwardly moved his hand away from my head. He was hesitant to release me from the embrace and something told me it was only because there were other people there and I seemed to be uncomfortable.

He'd been kind enough not to overwhelm me with romance though it was clear that he did have desire toward me. My own feelings were murky. I was attracted to him, that was certain, but...the idea of being naked or touched made me nauseated. Perhaps it was part of the restless feeling in my bones...or the centuries of self-deprecating thoughts that were constantly swirling through my mind about my appearance. I was no longer the man I was when Forseti loved me.

I was skinny and scarred, not to mention skittish as a stray dog. I wanted to find a way to tell him that I did want him. Every time he touched me or held me I wanted him to keep touching me. I wanted to become familiar with his taste and scent again. Unfortunately, at the time I was so damn scared and certain that he would detest what he sees or feels if he actually saw me that I was practically crawling out of my own skin at the idea. I wondered if he would be okay with me keeping my clothes on while....