Soft Spot

T W E N T Y - E I G H T

I took a deep breath, blinking the tears away as I walked towards the door. I slowly reached for the handle, closing my eyes tightly as the metal touched my hand. The moment I open this door my world is going to change, i'm going to be faced with reality. I opened my eyes and let out the breath that I was holding, turning the knob and walking into the room. I stepped into the room slowly and quietly, keeping my eyes on the floor. I wasn't ready to look up, I wasn't ready to be on this earth without my father. if he isn't okay- if somethings wrong  with him I don't know how i'll be able to be okay after. 

"Katherine." A weak voice said, and I took a deep breath as I looked up, my eyes meeting my mothers. She looked tired, and stressed, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Her eyes were red and puffy, a clear give away that shes been crying. She stood up from her chair beside the hospital bed, her bottom lip was trembling as she stared at me, trying to figure out what to say to me. The look on her face reminded me of when she got out of rehab and saw me for the first time in months. Ever since then I have always been the strong one, the one that handles everything medically. 

I looked down at the bed, my fathers pale body was laying soundlessly, with tubes coming from all over. I felt like the air was being sucked out of my lungs as I stared at him. I couldn't look away from him, it was like nothing else was there but him. I could hear the monitors beeping in the background, and my mother trying to talk to me but I couldn't focus on anything but my fathers pale body, and his chest moving up and down slowly, he was alive. I closed my eyes tightly, as if it would make all of this go away, as if it'd make him okay. Something grabbed my arm, and I looked down to see my mothers shaky hands holding onto me. I blinked my tears away and grabbed her, bringing her into a hug. 

"Its going to be okay mom, hes strong." I whispered, holding her tightly. "Stay here, i'm going to go find the doctor." I told her, pulling away and walking out of the room. When I got out the room I walked down the hall to the bathroom. I slid down the wall as I cried, burying my head in my hands and bringing my knees to my chest. I kept remembering my brother, and my moms almost suicide and everything that happened a few years ago. 

I ducked quickly as the vase flew over my head and smashed against the wall, crumbling to the floor. I looked back, wide eyed at my mother who glared at me through watery eyes. 

"I hate you! I wish it was you who had of died, you deserve to die!" She yelled, clutching my brothers hoodie to her chest as she sobbed. She grabbed a picture of me off the shelf and threw it at me. I didn't duck fast enough and it collided with my head, making me stumble back. 

"You're a disgrace to this family, I wish you were never born!" She screamed, throwing another picture frame at me. "Hes gone! Hes gone because of you hes gone! Hes gone!" 

"Stop! Stop!" I yelled, covering my head with my arms as she threw another picture frame, "I lost him to! He was my brother and my best friend, I lost him too!" I yelled at her, tears running down my face as she looked at me with utter disgust. 

"What happened?" I asked the doctor once I found him. He looked at me and smiled softly, sympathy oozing off of him. I knew that look, the look that a doctor has on his face when hes about to tell a family they've lost someone they love. The look on his face screamed that my father wasn't okay, he wasn't going to make it. I knew that look, I've seen that look many times before. 

"I think we should go talk to your mother.." I shook my head, cutting him off. 

"I need to know now, before she does. If you're going to walk in that room and tell her my fathers not going to make it, I need to know first. I need to be prepared to handle her, I-i need to know first." A tear slid down my cheek as I looked at him, prepared to hear the worst.