Soft Spot

THIRTY - THREE

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jason asked, looking at me with pity. I was getting tired of everyone looking at me that way, and second guessing my well-being. I clutched his arm and nodded slowly. I had to do this, for Jackson. I'll never be able to pay him back for what he did for me, but I could at least try. Jason sighed but nodded, bringing his hand up to knock on the door infront of us. A few seconds went by before the door swung open and a woman stood in the door way, looking at us. She had dark bags under her puffy eyes and her nose was a dark shade of red. She looked like she'd been through hell, which I'm sure she has. She had a frown on her face as she stared at me, like she was trying to figure out what I was doing here. I was still trying to figure out what I was doing here, too. There was nothing that I could say to her that would bring her son back. Nothing I do could ever stop her from feeling the pain she's feeling now, and I know that. I know that better than anyone.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me, bringing her hands to hug her body.

"I-i came to see if I could do anything, or if you wanted to talk." I said meekly, bitting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. "I didn't know Jackson, but he was kind enough to help me. I-im so sorry that you lost him. He didnt deserve to die like that, or to die at all.." Words were just flowing out of my mouth by now. Words I didn't know if I should even be saying. Words that probably meant nothing to her.

"Katherine." The lady spoke softly, licking her lips as tears sprung to her eyes. Her hands shook as she held them out to me, grabbing my arms and bringing me into hers. I clutched her shirt as silent tears left my eyes. I was trying so hard to keep it together. I didn't deserve to cry infront of her. She shouldn't have to see me hurting when she was the one that lost her son. "I'm glad that you're alive, I'm glad that my son didn't die for nothing." She spoke as she pulled away from me. She smiled weakly at me, running her hand along the side of my face. 

"You and your family will always be in my prayers, ma'am. I'm so sorry that this had to happen to your family. If there's anything that I can do, anything at all just tell me." I whispered. She smiled greatfully at me and walked back inside, shutting the door. I turned to Jason and he sighed, grabbing my hand and leading me back to the car.

"It wasn't your fault, Kat. You know that, right?" He asked me as we sat in the car silently. I looked away from the house and back at Jason. I've heard that a thousand times since the shooting, yet each time it sounded more and more like a lie.

"I know." I whispered, putting my seatbelt on. Jason started the car and drove away. "Have you talked to Nathan today?" I asked Jason, glancing at him.

"Yeah, I did. He told me to tell you he's sorry he couldn't be here for you today." Jason mumbled, pulling into the parking lot. Nathan had to go away for a family emergency. He wouldn't be back for a few more days. He wanted to stay with me, but his mother made him go.

I looked out the window at the building infront of me. Students walked around cautiously, every so often looking over their shoulder. They were laughing and smiling with friends, but you could feel the fear and worry in the air. You could see the way their bodies tensed anytime the door slammed shut, or someone touched them.

"Are you sure you're ready to go back?" Jason whispered as he stared at me. I would never be able to walk the halls without seeing the dead bodies and blood on the ground. I would never not jump when there's a loud noise outside of the class. I would never be ready to go back into that building, but I had to. I had to move on.

"It's been 2 weeks, Jason. It's time for me to go back." I mumbled as I grabbed my bag, getting out of his car.  Students stared at us, at me, as we walked past them. The pity that covered their faces made me want to scream, but I didn't. The way they stepped away as I walked near them stung. It made me rethink my decision to come back. I was about to turn around, to tell Jason I wasn't ready and I wanted to leave, when someone called my name. I looked over to see a young girl, probably a freshman, walking towards me. Everyone was silent as they watched her.

"Katherine." She finally said once she'd reached me. "How are you?" She didn't look at me with pity, she looked genuinely concerned about me, about how I was doing.

"I'm fine." I spoke the words that I've said a thousand times before. The words that I never truly meant. "I'm sorry.." I started to apologize, but she shook her head quickly, grabbing my hands.

"No. You don't have to apologize, nobody blames you for what happened. You were a victim, just like the rest of us, if not more. You couldn't have done anything to help and we all know that." As the words left her lips tears left my eyes. My hands shook as I covered my mouth, not knowing what to say to her. She smiled sadly at me as she leaned in and hugged me tightly. Someone from the crowd walked over, and hugged me as well, and then one by one everyone started to join in on the hug, and soon enough everyone was hugging. We were one big group, and it made my heart swell with warmth.  The bell rang a few seconds later and everyone pulled away, scurrying off to class. The girl looked at me and smiled one more time before walking away. I looked at Jason and he smiled, putting his arm around me as we walked to our first period class.