Soft Spot

THIRTY-NINE

Today is my first day home. I missed graduation, but they let my mom accept my diploma for me. My mom told me that Nathan left to Washington, that he's apparently going to college there instead so he can be there for everything. Jason and Kyle left with him, to be there for him.  My mom and the girls moved all my stuff to our new house already so that I didn't have to go back to the loft. Our new house was about 3 hours from my moms and with her working all the time I won't be seeing her much. When I got out we immediately went to our new house. I was greatful I didn't have to go back to the loft. I don't ever want to go back. When we got to the house I went staright to my room to see how bad it looked. No offense but my mom and the girls aren't exactly the best decorators. I walked in and it actually didn't look bad, surprisingly.

"I designed it. Trust me, I wasn't going to let your mom do it, and the girls didn't really want to." A voice said. I turned around quickly and saw Lily standing behind me. My eyes widened and I quickly rushed over to hug her.

"Lily." I cried, hugging her tightly. She chuckled and hugged me tighter, before pulling away. "What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"Well your mom told me what happened so I came to see how you were, and then I decided to save your room." She smiled sadly. I sighed and whipped my tears away, thanking her.

"How long are you staying?" I asked her.

"Just today, I have to get back home because college starts back up tomorrow for me." She said sadly. I almost forgot she was in her last year of college. I sat on my bed and she sat beside me.

"How are you?" She asked me.

"I'm okay." I lied, looking at her. What was I supposed to say? That I feel like I'm suffocating?

"Katherine, come on. I know you better than anyone. Don't lie to me." She was right, she's always understood me better than anyone.

"I feel like I'm suffocating but nobody can see it. Like I'm not allowed to hurt." I whispered laying down. "I'm so tired."

Suddenly I felt like I was going to puke, and I got up and rushed to the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and let everything in my stomach out. Lily grabbed my hair and put it up, rubbing my back.

"Are you sick?" She asked me when I sat up and washed my mouth out.

"No, I felt fine until just now." I frowned, turning the water off and going back to my bed. "Wheres my mom and the girls?" I asked her, and she told me she went to work and the girls are asleep.

"Are you pregnant?" She asked me, half joking. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, I never even..." I trailed off, a frown on my face. I quickly grabbed my phone and checked the date. It was the 15th. I looked at Lily with a pained look, and she looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh. I narrowed my eyes at her and grabbed a pillow, throwing it at her. "Theres no way I can be pregnant.. its not possible."

"How long has it been since you had sex?" She asked me, grabbing her keys from her bag on my bed.

"I'm not sure, it was before Nathan left to his moms, so a little over a month." I frowned, thinking about it. I can't be pregnant, theres no way.

"Lets go." She sighed, handing me my jacket. "We're going to the store." I put my jacket in and we both walked downstairs quietly so we didn't wake up the girls. We got in her car and drove to Walgreens.

"Lily, what am I going to do if I am? I'm a fricking ballet major for fucks sakes." I groaned, laying my head on the car. How ironic is this. She snorted.

"Will you keep it?" She asked, pulling into the parking lot. I looked down at my hands, thinking about it. Would I be a terrible person if I didn't? I don't want a baby. Not yet, I'm not ready for one. "Hey, if you don't I won't judge you. When your brother and I were 16, I got pregnant. We didn't keep it." She whispered to me, looking away.

"Why didn't I know that?" I asked her, confused.

"We never told anyone." She shrugged. "He didn't want anyone to know."

"Do you regret it?" I asked her.

"No. We weren't ready for a baby, and I know we could have gave it up for adoption, but I could never do that. So we made a choice." She smiled at me sadly. "You always have a choice, Kat. Don't let anyone push you into something you don't want to do based on their own beliefs."

We walked inside and grabbed 3 tests, just in case. We then went to taco bell because we were hungry and I wanted tacos. We sat down and started to eat, none of us talking.

"Kat?" Lily said suddenly, looking up at me. "If you can't handle it here, you can come stay with me. I have a guest room. You're always welcome at my house. You know you're like a sister to me." She smiled at me.

"Thank you, Lily. I might actually think about it." I said quietly, biting into my taco. Lily has always been my safe net. Shes my very best friend, the one person I could trust with everything. I knew I could always count on her. I really did miss her all this time.

"Are you ready?" She asked me. We were both in my room waiting the 3 minutes for the tests. I shook my head no, and she rolled her eyes playfully. "Too bad." I sighed and we both walked tk the bathroom. She grabbed my hand as I opened the door to the bathroom.