Soft Spot

THIRTY-SEVEN

"Are you ready?" Nat asked me as we sat in the back of a taxi. I took a deep breath and nodded, getting out and waving bye to Nat as the taxi drove away. We were back in New York and it was time to talk to Nathan. I sighed and walked into the building, going up to my loft. Nathan was already there waiting for me. I unlocked the door and walked in. He was sitting at the table, his head in his hands. When he heard the door close he looked up quickly, a smile on his face as he saw me. I put my bags down and walked over, sitting infront of him. I just wanted to hug him and tell him how much I missed him, but I couldn't.

"Hey." I whispered, looking at him.

"Kat, im so sorry-" I shook my head.

"Please tell me you're not going to do it, Nate. Please." I pleaded, tears welling in my eyes.

"Kat.." he trailed off, licking his lips. "I already told my mom I would." He said quietly, looking down.

"You already agreed? You told her before we even talked about it?" It felt like he pulled my heart out with his words. How could he agree to something like this? How could he do this to me?

"This isn't going to be a bad thing, penguin. It's not real, its just business." He grabbed my hand, "please do this with me."

"I can't." I shook my head as tears fell and pulled my hand away, standing up. I covered my mouth with my hand as more tears fell. My chest was hurting so bad, and as I looked at Nathan all I wanted was to hold him. It was like my body was screaming for his, begging for his arms to hold me.

"If you do this, I'm done." I finally said, and he looked up at me. Tears brimmed at his eyes as he stared at me silently. "I can't stand by while you marry someone else. I-I just can't do that." I shook my head.

"Katherine, please don't do this." He whispered, standing up and walked to me. I walked backwards, holding my hand out to stop him from coming closer.

"You're doing this, not me! How could you? You-you don't get to act like this is my fault. No, I wont let you. This is your fault! You made this decision without me!" I yelled, a sob escaping my lips. I clutched my chest, shaking my head as I leaned against the wall. "If you're going to go through with this, leave. Leave now and don't come back." I sobbed, looking at him tgrough blurry eyes. At this point we were both crying, me harder than him.

"Katherine..." his voice broke, and he looked away from me.

"If you walk away I'm done." I whispered, sniffing. "If you walk out that door and go through with this you're going to lose me forever." I whispered. My body was begging him to stay, to tell me he wouldn't do it. I was begging him to love me enough to stay. Please stay.

"I'm sorry." He whispered before turning around and walking out the door. My whole body felt like it was on fire, I couldn't breathe. I let out a loud sob and I fell to the floor, clutching my chest. I couldn't take this. I felt like my body was broken, like I couldn't move. I didn't want to kove.

I'm not sure how long I stayed on the floor crying. I'm not sure of at which point I fell asleep. I'm not sure how I even managed to fall asleep. But when I woke up I was in my moms bed, wrapped in her sheets. The moment I sat up I felt all the pain I did before, and immediately I started to cry again. It came so easily, so quickly. I felt like my heart had beem ripped out of my chest, physically. The door opened and my mom ran into the room in a panic.

"Oh sweetie." She hushed, quickly coming to the bed and wrapping me in her arms. "Its okay, honey. Its okay." She whispered, holding me tightly. It wasn't okay, nothing was okay anymore.

"I can't." I screamed, my body was starting to shake. I ripped myself out of her arms and stood up, falling down. "I-I can't do th-this" I sobbed violently. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even see through my eyes because they were so blurry with the tears. "Mom I can't-I" I screamed, clutching my chest. I couldn't hear anything theough my screams. I hurt so bad, my chest was on fire. I wanted to die, I wanted the pain to stop so bad. "Mom" I cried. She tried to grab me again, but I screamed and backed away. I didn't want to be touched. I just wanted Nathan. My sobs kept getting louder, and then suddenly someone walked into the room, followed by two other people. They walked over to me and tried to grab me, but I tried to get away, screaming and crying. There was a sharp pain in my arm, and then suddenly everything started to spin. "Mom" I croaked before everything went black.