If Loving You is Wrong

33: A Weight Lifted

Antonio had the day off.

While he didn't work to specific schedules most of the time, he did have to schedule time to do absolutely nothing work related.

This, was one of those days.

Well, he didn't have nothing to do because he was spending the day with Olivia looking at surrogacy options.

They had decided a few days ago that surrogacy was the best option for them.

Olivia liked the idea of the baby belonging to both rather than adopting and being able to be a part of the pregnancy process with the chosen mother.

Antonio had agreed to make her happy but he was not that interested.

He knew it was terrible to feel this way but if Olivia got what she wanted out of this, he was happy to play the part he needed.

He agreed and discussed where he was meant to but it left a vile taste in his mouth.

What had once been the thing he dreamed of; had now become impending doom because to have a baby now would ultimately mean an end to his relationship with Liana.

Cheating on Olivia was one thing.

Cheating on his family was quite another in his eyes.

He couldn't continue his relationship with Liana while a child was in the picture because he would ultimately have to neglect and lie to it and a child didn't deserve it. Olivia didn't deserve it either but she had played her part in the demise of his affection for her and ultimately the demise of their marriage.

The child had not.

He sat with Olivia in the family room – aptly named – and welcomed a string of candidates who would possibly carry their child.

They had six woman on their list and it was the sixth woman who even marginally caught his eye.

"And why do you want to do this?" he asked twenty-five-year-old Cara Dane from Minnesota. "Surely you have your whole life ahead of you to have your own children?"

The dark haired and dark eyed Cara sighed before looking down at her hands and said,

"I believe children are a gift and the ability to grow that gift is often taken for granted. I know I don't want children of my own Mr Sabbatini so if I can use my body for someone who does; then I don't want to waste that."

"Why don't you want children of your own?" Olivia had rightfully asked and Cara had shrugged and said,

"My mother had a dozen children and didn't love any of us. Children aren't meant to be pawns or tools to find self-worth Mr and Mrs Sabbatini; theyre meant to be loved. Until I know myself enough, I don't want to add my own child to that mix." Olivia had nodded and thanked her for her time then Antonio had shown Cara out.

When Antonio went back into the room, Olivia was smiling. Genuinely smiling in a way, he hadn't seen in a very, very long time.

For a split second, his mind was transformed and he was suddenly in a ski lodge in the Swiss Alps watching a tall and leggy blonde grin from ear to ear as she came off the slopes. Olivia had been breath taking and he had set his sights on having her that very same day.

Antonio shook his head to dislodge the memory,

"What are you so happy about?"

"Isnt it obvious?" she giggled. "She was amazing Antonio, can we go with her, please?"

"Is that what you want?"

Suddenly, her happiness faded,

"What is it?"

"Every response from you is asking what I want. What do you want Antonio?"

"I want you to be happy Olivia,"

"So you don't care about this baby at all, its just all about me?"

"I never said that,"

"That's what it feels like! You just agree with everything I say, you don't actually give any insight!"

"So now it's a problem that I'm giving you everything you want, Jesus Christ Olivia!" he said beginning to walk away from her

"That's not what I meant Antonio!" he left the room. "Antonio!"

"What?" Antonio stormed back in. "You wanted a baby, I said yes. You wanted a surrogate, I said yes. What more do you want?"

"I want you to give a shit!"

"I'm here aren't I? Every hour of every fucking day, I'm here with you and still you won't get off my back. God!"

Olivia looked at him in disbelief but instead of the retaliation that he expected, Olivia began to cry. He instantly felt terrible. He hadn't meant to get so angry with her but he was tired of going through these motions with her when he would rather be with Liana.

"Oh God, Liv I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did," she said quietly as she wheeled herself out of the room and into the hall.

Antonio waited a while before going to find Olivia and when he did, she was upstairs in her bedroom; changed into her nightdress but still in her chair.

She was sat by the open balcony windows letting in the cool Manhattan summer air. Her night nurse walked passed him as he entered the room and he nodded a silent greeting.

"I like Cara," he said quietly. "She seems genuine and would be a great choice to carry our child. We can start the treatments as soon as you're ready."

"Thank you," she said from where she sat looking out of the window. Antonio turned to leave when Olivia spoke,

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he said turning to her but remaining in the doorway.

"Are you seeing someone?"

His heart stopped in his chest,

"Excuse me?"

"Are you seeing another woman Antonio?"

Antonio had no clue what to say but then his conversation with Liana about being his mistress immediately came into his head. He had told her that if she agreed, he would tell Olivia about her. Then, that had been before the baby...

"Why would you..."

"Please," she cut him off before turning her chair to him and looking him in the eye. "Tell me the truth."

Antonio looked at his wife of almost eleven years and knew he couldn't lie to her when she'd asked him outright. It was either the release he was looking for or it would ruin everything...

"Yes...I am seeing someone."

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as though she were relieved and when she opened them, she said,

"Do you love her?"

"Yes," he didn't bother to elaborate; it wasn't needed.

Olivia turned her chair back to the window,

"You can do as you wish as long as I get my baby."

"What?"

"We stay married, we have this baby and I wont make a fuss about this. You have my blessing."

"Are you serious?"

Olivia didn't reply and instead wheeled herself out onto the balcony.