Thin Line

Chapter 1

Tears steam down my face as I look at what is is front of me.

Looking in the mirror is something I dread.

I hate what stares back at me.

I wipe the tears off my face before I stepped on the scale.

The number is still so high.

The number just causes more tears to leave my eyes.

I look at the piles of makeup on the counter and pick out what I want to wear today.

Once again, I wipe my tears.

I then spend a little over a half hour applying the makeup, trying to cover as many of my endless number of flaws as I can, and trying to match my foundation to my face as best as possible, it is hard to find makeup for my skin tone as it is, being mixed, having a black mom and white dad, but lately my skin as gotten more pale, exacerbating my struggles.

After applying the makeup I start to curl my wavy hair.

I find that curls help to cover my face more.

When I open my closet, all I can do is stare.

I pick out a pair of black leggings and a baggy yellow shirt.

I put on the chosen outfit then look in the mirror.

The leggings are baggy, but hopefully no one will notice how ill-fitting they are.

My shirt is also baggy, it could be worn as a dress if I wanted to wear it as one, the sleeves cover my hands completely, my shape is not visible at all, but it is supposed to fit like that.

I try and hold back my tears as I look at myself.

I hate it.

I hate what I see.

I am still too fat.

I am so fat and ugly.

I hate myself.

I just hate myself so much.

Sighing, I pull on sneakers and grab my backpack before going downstairs.

My dad has already left for work, and my mom is taking my twelve year old sister to school.

Meaning it is just me and the dog.

The dog follows me to the kitchen, following closely, waiting for me to get breakfast and give some of my food to her.

She should know by now that I never eat breakfast.

I toss her treat, making her happy.

She just eats without thinking.

How can she do that?

Eat like it is nothing, no thought, no anything.

She just eats.

I hug my little girl before I grab my car keys.