Thin Line

Chapter 17

I continue to cry more than I have in a very long time.

I was not aware I was capable of crying this much.

Through my tears, Jamie drags me out of the cafeteria and to this room where I am to be observed that Kayla told me about.

The room is empty.

Only Jamie and I sit inside it.

Everyone else has sat in here for an hour already, and I am just starting.

I had never considered forcing myself to throw up before, but if they were to let me go to a bathroom, that is probably exactly what I would do right now.

"Sierra, you did great." Jamie tells me.

"Sure, I did great at ruining all I worked for." I tell her, how can she act like what I did was good for me? Like I needed to eat?

"Sierra, why don't you want to get better?" Jamie asks me.

"I have nothing wrong with me, therefore I cannot get better." I repeat.

Why must everyone tell me there is something wrong with me.

"Sierra, do you want to have children?" Jamie suddenly asks me. "What is your ideal future?" She adds.

Why is this even relevant?

"I want to get married, preferably at around twenty five or so, or just whenever I meet the right person, and I want three kids." I admit to her.

"When was your last period?" She questions.

"About a year ago." I admit.

These chairs are not that comfortable, especially for them to make us sit on for an hour. Why bother even having a TV, I am not sure anyone really wants to watch TV while being monitored by a bunch of people.

"Sierra, every period you miss, everyday you remain malnourished, your chances of ever starting a family go down." She tells me.

She is just trying to scare me into doing what she wants.

This just causes more tears to fall.

"What do your friends think of all this?" She questions.

"Only one knows, only one figured out what was happening, the rest are just wondering why I missed school today." I admit, my friends still don't know what is going on.

"Sierra, the one friend who does know, I want you to tell me what the most memorable thing she said to you about your disorder." Jamie requests.

"Well, he told me that I was going to end up dead." I say, replaying the scene over in my head.

"What was your response?" Jamie asks me.

"I told him that I didn't care, that I would rather be dead than eat." I tell her.

Sure Justin is annoying, always giving me advice I didn't ask for, but he cared.

Jamie cares, I can tell she does, but with Justin, it seemed different, the tone of his voice, his actions, everything.

Looking back, I can see that everything Justin did was because he cares about me.

"What are you thinking about, Sierra?" Jamie asks me as I stare at a blank wall.

"Home." I admit.

I miss it there.

As much as I hate school, I would rather be there right now.

"Sierra, everything will be alright." Jamie assures me.

"I said some really stupid things, sure, I meant them, but I should have just kept my mouth shut." I admit, thinking of everything I have said to my parents since waking up.