Thin Line

Chapter 10

"Sierra, please, please forgive me." Justin begs me.

"Justin, please, just leave me alone." I beg to him.

"Sierra-" He starts, but I cut him off by just walking out of the classroom.

He just needs to leave me alone.

Nothing is wrong with me.

And nothing he can do will fix me.

I am already doing all I can to fix myself.

Yet nothing works.

I have not eaten in so long.

I exercise at every given chance.

I am not sure what else I can do.

Nothing will fix me.

I am a lost cause.

No matter what I do, I will never be thin, I will never be pretty.

"Sierra." Justin says catching up with me.

"What do you want?" I ask him, very annoyed.

"Sierra, I just want you to listen to me." He pleads.

"I will give you two minutes." I tell him, leading him outside the school to the bench we got into our argument.

"Sierra, I am worried about you." He tells me, his tone tells me that he really does care.

But I know how easy it is to lie.

"I am fine." I defend myself.

"Sierra, I am serious." He tells me.

"And so am I." I defend. "Nothing is wrong with me."

"Sierra, I am worried, are you sure you are okay?" He asks me, yet again.

"Yes, I promise I am fine, why wouldn't I be?" I ask yet again.

"Well the other day, when I asked you about eating, you reacted kind of strangely. And you have been looking different lately." He tells me.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask him.

I don't think I want to hear his answer though.

"You just look a lot thinner." He tells me.

"I do?" I ask, suddenly perking up.

Do I really look thinner?

Is all this working?

"Sierra, why do you seem so happy about that?" He asks me, looking sad.

"Because I mean, if I'm being honest here, I know I need to lose weight." I admit to him.

"Sierra, no, that's crazy, look at you, you don't need to lose weight." He tells me.

"Just shut up." I snap. "You don't know what is right for me, I do." I tell him.

When I try and leave him, he grabs my wrist.

I decide not to fight him and sit beck down.

He rolls up my shirt, exposing my forearm.

"Sierra, so you see how small your arm is?" He asks me.

"No." I reply. "It is not small, Justin." I tell him, as if he didn't know.

"Sierra, look." He says to me, holding his arm next to mine.

"My arm is barely smaller." I point out. "And that is only because I am a female." I remind him.

"Sierra, what are you talking about? It is like less than half the size." He tries to tell me.

"Listen, I am fat, I get it. Stop trying to make me feel better." I say to him, wanting to get up, but feeling unable to.

"Sierra, do you even know how much you weigh?" He questions.

"I do." I reply, who doesn't know how much they weigh?

"What is it?" He asks, getting very serious.

"I am not telling you." I tell him.

No one needs to know.

"Sierra, tell me." He demands.

"No, it is embarrassing." I reply.

No one else needs to know the number.

"Sierra, tell me, please." He begs.

"Okay, fine, but understand that I am trying to change it, I know I still need to lose a few more pounds." I start, really not wanting to say the number.

"Sierra, what is it?" He asks me.

I reply, telling him the number the scale said this morning, tears streaming down my face at the awful number.

"Sierra." He says in shock.

"I know, I am trying here." I defend.

"Sierra, that is unbelievable." He says struggling to find words.

"I know, it's a lot." I say.

"Sierra, listen, I know you clearly do not see what the rest of us do. But you are not fat. Sierra, you are probably the smallest person at this school." He lies to me. "When is the last time you ate?" He suddenly questions.

"Like, a week ago, maybe two." Admit to him.

"Sierra, that isn't healthy. I know you don't realize what you are doing to yourself, but it isn't good." He says, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"I am doing what I need to." I defend myself.

"No you are not, Sierra. I have known you for twelve years. You have never been fat, you have always been a healthy size, until now. Sierra, you need to see yourself as the rest of us do." He tells me, holding back his tears.

"And how is that?" I ask.

"Sierra, you are beautiful. But you are too thin, you have lost too much weight." He tries telling me.

"No, I haven't lost enough." I argue back.

"Sierra, you are going to kill yourself." He says loudly, tears leaving his eyes.

"No, I am not, and why do you even care?" I ask him, crying even more myself.

"Sierra, you are an amazing person, I don't want to see you lose your life to something like this." He tells me.

"To what, a healthy lifestyle?" I ask him.

"Sierra, no part of what you are doing is healthy, you need help." He tells me.

"I am fine, just stay out of it, nothing is wrong with me." I repeat.

At that, I get up from the bench and walk to my car.

I just need the rest of the day off.

He is wrong, right?

Let us all appreciate that every school around me had a delay today, except for mine.

And I have not been able to drive to school since the day we Josh Pecked Jonah's Prius.

I am already so done with this school year and why is it still 80 outside, we live in New York, not like Florida or something.

Also I have a job interview in two days send help.

Also I haven't written more than 100 words of my next book since school starts and I don't know what to do, I'm sorry.

I'm going to try and finish chapter 2 of it tonight.