Thin Line

Chapter 25

High school graduation.

A day I have waited for since the day I stepped foot into our high school on the first day of freshman year.

After four long years, this day has finally arrived.

When I started high school, I couldn't wait for this day.

When senior year arrived, I couldn't wait to leave.

Now, here I am, hours away from leaving high school.

While all my friends go away to their dream colleges, I am going to be stuck here at home, where my mom can watch me.

My parents are setting up my party with Hannah, leaving me alone to get ready.

I stare at the dress my mother picked out for me.

It's going to be way too big.

No one has noticed yet, but I think I have lost around ten pounds since I left rehab, although there isn't really any way for me to know for sure.

I hate vomiting, it is absolutely disgusting.

But that doesn't stop me.

Everyday after Justin leaves my house after lunch, I head right to the bathroom before my parents get home.

I know what I'm doing to myself is harmful.

I know I'm just getting worse.

I know I'm going to end up back in rehab at this rate.

But I can't stop.

I won't stop.

I cannot handle being fat.

I just want to be skinny.

I want to be pretty.

So many pictures are going to be taken today.

As hard as I try, I know I won't manage to get out of them all.

Thousands of people are going to hear my name called, and they are all going to watch me walk across that stage.

Everyone is going to be staring at me.

Everyone is going to see how fat I look, especially in that gown.

My mother didn't give me any say in what I would be wearing today.

She said she knew I would choose something baggy and black, something that covers me entirely.

At least the graduation gown will keep me covered.

But I will have to wear the dress at my party.

And I already hate dresses.

And everyone will be at my party, because I'm basically the only one who decided to have their party the day of graduation.

But due to our vacations, and the work schedules of my parents, it was either today, or the end of August, when everyone will be away for school already.

I pull the dress off of the hanger.

The dress is pretty, it is a royal blue color, it has a high neck and a very confusing back.

But I know I am going to look awful in it.

I sigh and pull the dress on, knowing that I need to leave soon.

How did my mom ever expect me to figure the back of this thing out alone?

As I struggle with my dress, the doorbell rings.