Thin Line

Chapter 3

I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

Why so I have to hate myself so much?

Everything about myself, I just hate it.

My hair is dead, as are my eyes.

I'm not pretty, I hate what I look like.

And most of all, I hate my body.

I keep losing weight, yet I still look fat.

I am down to a number that was y next goal.

That is still too high of a number.

I walk to my closet, choosing one of my 17 pairs of black leggings, along with an oversized black shirt with the name of the place my family goes on vacations to written in rose gold on the back.

As always, I pull on sneakers.

I always wear the same thing everyday, it is what I hate myself in least.

I still hate myself in it.

But it is better than anything else.

I used to wear tight clothes, jeans, fitted tops, and sometimes I wore shorts.

It took me a while to realize how awful I looked.

It took so long for me to realize how fat I was.

For years, I just pretended that I wasn't fat, that I was healthy.

I am still fat, but I have so far lost some weight.

I was way too much at my heaviest, I don't know how I let myself weigh so much.

I cannot figure out where I went wrong.

How could my mom not notice how fat I was?

How did even she not realize something had to be done?

My mother has always tried to keep us healthy, so why didn't she help me?

I pick up my bag and rush down the stairs, realizing I am a bit late.

I give the dog a quick hug before leaving the house and starting my car.

•

I stare at the plate in front of me.

I stare at the salad and the dinner roll on my plate.

"I know you said you ate after school, so I just made you a small plate." My mom says to me as I take my seat.

"Thanks." I say, giving her a small, fake, smile.

I start by eating the salad, she put around seventy calories of it on my plate.

I use my fork to pick up one piece of it at a time.

By the time I am half way done, the rest my family has already finished their meals.

"Sierra, are you alright?" My dad asks me.

"I am fine, I am just not that hungry, and I have a headache." I lie.

"'Alright, maybe you should go get some rest, I will take care of the dishes tonight." He tells me.

"Thank you." I tell him before going upstairs.

Yesterday I consumed 50 calories, all on the salad I had at dinner.

Today I consumed about 35, again all on the salad I had for dinner.

I will be skinny soon.

Soon, soon all this unwanted weight will be gone.

I hope it is soon anyway.

I just have to keep finding ways around eating.

Luckily, no one is home to force me to eat breakfast.

As far as my mom knows I eat lunch at school.

And for now she is believing me when I tell her I eat after school.

Little does she know, the money she gives me to eat after school is piled up on my vanity.

I know lying to my family isn't the healthiest thing.

But they will not understand why I am doing to myself.

They will tell me I am fine as I am, that I do not need to loose weight to be pretty.

They will just lie to me.

They do not understand why I see myself as I do.

There is nothing wrong with what I am doing.

But they would not understand that.

They won't understand why I hate myself as much as I do.

There is nothing wrong with what I am doing.

I am just fixing myself.

I am making myself prettier.

I am simply improving all the flaws I created.

Soon they will be better.

I just need to eat less.

If I eat less, I will fix a few of my endless problems.

There is nothing wrong with improving myself.

I just want to feel better about myself.

And soon I will.

Soon I will be skinny.

Soon I will be prettier.

Soon I will be the best version of myself.

Soon I will not hate myself.

Soon.

I hope.

This chapter is less than half the amount of words I would like it to be, oops.

I leave in 10-11 days for vacation(we are leaving between 11pm-12am, thus the two day frame).

Also, it is weird posting this when I am so far ahead in writing it?

Like it's just weird because what I am writing is at such a different point in the story?

Anyway, hope you all are doing well!

Also, don't be afraid to comment! Anything is accepted(just please nothing offensive towards others)! Insult me if you want, my writing, I don't care, criticism is accepted and I am not easily offended. Talk about your day, tell a story, give feedback, I don't really care, just talk if you want to I guess.

Don't be afraid to comment, ever!