City of Angels. || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 15

Ashton's POV:

I can't believe it. I'm still lying here awake while she's asleep. She looks so beautiful when she's asleep. I'm so confused from what just happened. I think I'm more confused in what will happen next. I can't commit to her, not right now with everything going on. And what happened before I can't risk hurting her. But I can't tell her can I? If I do commit to her I can't do it publicly. I just can't!

What will happen? I stare at the ceiling coming up with several ideas. Each one is worse than before. What will I tell the boys? I can't tell them about her. I can't tell anyone! Everyone will just fucking annoy me about it and it will just piss me off and I will go fucking crazy!

I'm still staring at the ceiling. But this time very blankly. I don't know what to do! I do like her though. I like her so fucking much and I wish I didn't. She may be the one for me but I know she deserves so much better than me and should be with someone who would be able to take care of her. Fuck. I can't stop thinking about her. I turn my head to face hers. God she's beautiful. She looks so perfect just laying there. Last night, well a few hours ago when she fell asleep in the car, she was whispering my name and was saying 'I.. I need you' those words just hit me. She needs me! But I need her.

Can I tell her about my mum? I'm too scared she might be freaked out and run away. But. I know one way or another she's gonna start asking me questions. She deserves to know if we take this any further.

She's scrunching her nose now. As if she was trying to stop herself from sneezing. She looks adorable. I don't know why she bothers to wear make-up. I didn't notice her freckles until she washed all her makeup off. They go across her face underneath her right eye going across her nose and onto her left eye. I honestly don't know what to do and I need to know before she wakes up. I'm thinking of texting one of my friends. I Can't tell The boys. Lucy's Irish ya? I have a friend from Ireland Niall Horan. I'll give him a text.

*hey man, can you ring me if your up? It's important.*

I glance at the time on my phone. Fuck it's 5:00am. He's obviously not up now. My conscience though was proven wrong as my phone vibrated. It's Niall. Quickly I answered.

"Hey man. Got you text. What's going on?"

"Hey Niall. Am can you please not tell anyone this?"

"Of course go on!"

And I told him everything. Absolutely everything. Niall is one of my best friends and we grew up together. Well we would go on holidays together here since we were kids with the boys.

I told him how I felt about her and what happened and what should I do about it and should I tell her about mum, basically everything my conscience keeps annoying me about.

"Ashton. Your just freaking out because you've never been in a relationship before and your just being a baby man! You can't always play it safe in life. That's boring. Take a chance. Or you'll never find love. You'll never know what will happen till you try?"

But what he doesn't know what happened with Emily..

"Do you think?"

"Of course! What was her name again?"

"Lucy O'Donald"

"Where's she from?"

"West of Ireland, Galway"

"Oh"

"What?"

"Nothing. I've gotta go call me later and tell me how things get on. Byyeee"

"Wait should I tell her everything?" I whisper but I was too late. He already hung up. Shit! What do I do!! should I go back to sleep or what? I lay back down.