City of Angels. || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 20

Ashton's POV:

What does she mean she misses me? I didn't call her so she could move on? Why is she doing this to me. I desperately need her and want her, but I don't want to hurt her. I'm basically just scared and running away. But I need her tonight, I need her to tell me it's okay, to push away curly strands of my hair, to kiss my fingers one by one, crazy but I love it. She mezmirises me and I can't control for what I feel for her.

Nothing has changed.

She looks at me, the beautiful, bright, confident woman is now torn, in pain and sad. I peer into her eyes and her bright piercing blue eyes is now full of sadness and pain.

"Wh.. What did you say?" Desperately wanting to hear those words again.

She avoids meeting eye contact with me.

"Don't make me say it again." She starts fidgeting with her hands and starts sobbing. She bites her lip to try and stop herself but the tears keep flowing.

"Lucy, you know I can't go public, not yet it's too much for me."

"Ashton, I'm trying to fight for you, you just keep running away. Are you scared? Hell ya I'm scared but you know what? I'm not scared to try! I can't get over you, I have to distract myself everyday just to not think about you, anything, anything I can find I will relate it to us, to whatever this is. But I can't stand the thought of losing you again, I've found you. I need you Ashton! I desperately need to be happy again. And I've decided to forgiven you for everything you've done to me. And I understand you did it to protect me and for me to get over you, but I can't. Your a part of my life. Ever since the day I met you down at the lake with my banana bikini I knew you weren't going anywhere. All I've wanted is for you to open up to me and tell me how you feel, don't care what anyone else is telling you or what they think. What do you think? What do you feel? If you want to go, then Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out. I know you feel pain and your mad at yourself for your past, but you've got to get back up! To me, to me Ash your perfect!"

She's sobbing and she wipes her tears. I told her I didn't want to be the reasons for her tears. I hate myself for my past and what I've let happened with mum.

"I know we've know each other for maybe two months, but the second I saw you when we pulled in, the minute I saw this beautiful, funny, bright girl get out of that jeep, you had me, you had me from the second I laid eyes on you. The second or eyes connected and I just wanted to know you and figure you out." I sigh and I see the little smile when her nose scrunches. She looks exhausted.

She goes to say something but I interrupt her.

"Let me finish." I hold my finger up as I lay in my hospital bed, hearing beeping and unfamiliar noises you'd be aware of in a hospital.

"I'm about to tell you something that only the boys and my mum know ok? And don't pity me or anything I don't want it ok?" I look up to her biting my lip preparing what is about to happen. She nods slowly with a confused look on her face. She deserves to know. Then she'll understand.

"Before I met you, about 3 and a half years ago, I met this girl, Emily Hayes. She was a tall, beautiful woman with hair like cotton candy, she had piercings on her ear and nose, I was intrigued by her. She had a tattoo on her neck and a sleeve tattoo. She looked rough but she was so bubbly and kind. I fell deeply in love with her. And so we went out for a year. Our relationship was raunchy and it was just wanting things from each other, I cared deeply for her, and I even told her I loved her. But love, love to her was just a word. It didn't mean anything. She was a bitter, selfish bitch! I gave her everything. And then one day I came home to find her and my closest Cousin Jamie in bed together. It was almost like she had it planned because when I walked in. I saw, I saw this smirk on her face." Warm tears are falling from my face but I don't wipe them away. "so then she took everything I had, all money, everything! She took everything from me, and I couldn't trust another woman like that again, living in fear that one day someone like her will come back and history will repeat itself. I don't want to hurt you, I care about you too much and I just always speak my feelings and I'm just very emotional at times." I am now sobbing and I let out a deep sigh I didn't realize I was holding in.