Falling For Him [Book 1] *COMPLETED*(♡Alan Ashby♡)

Chapter 20 Trigger Warning!

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Sabrina's POV

I haven't seen anyone since Deanna's wedding. Alan tried to convince me that the kiss with the whore was a missunderstanding, but I don't know who to believe anymore. Austin stopped texting and trying to call because I would fail to answer them. The guys tried to keep in touch, but I would block them out. Alan didn't once try to call, text or come to the house. Deanna's wedding was a week ago. I'm so happy for her. Once in awhile I try to dream up a perfect life. I always end up failing. I go on twitter once in awhile to see what everyones up to. Alan unfollowed me. Why? Oh wait because I was a terrible girlfriend. I am the one who tries to help everyone, but fails in the end because I can't take the stress and then I push them away. I listen to music all day everyday, but it doesn't seem to help. Sometimes the guitar parts remind me of him. I can't even say his name anymore. Maybe it would be better if I were to just disapear. Maybe I should take a trip somewhere. Maybe I will go back home with Kellin's mom, but I can't let her see me like this, she'd call Kellin for sure. Kellin knows I need space right now. He and Deanna were the only people I would text back. I stand up to go take a shower and clean up the house some. Not that anyone is stopping by. I climbed into the hot shower letting the water wash my cuts. It burned but pain is what I go for now days. I guess. When i'm in pain I seem to benefit others because I leave them alone. I stepped out of the shower looking in the mirror. Look at me. My arms are full of cuts. No wonder why people gave up on me. I sighed and got dressed in a pair of denim blue shorts and a white tank top. I walked down stairs and picked up the house. I walked into the kitchen and washed 'my knife'. I brought the blade of the kitchen utennsil to my are making a few more cuts, One deeper than all for all the pain I caused my love ones. I need to get out of this house. I need to lighten my mood. My stomach grumbled saying I was hungry. I opened my cuboards. Empty. I opened the fridge. Empty. Looks like I will have to go out of the house today. I pulled on one of Austin's old sweatshirts that he gave me and grabbed my keys. I jumped in the car turning up whatever was on. I looked in the mirror. Great I look shitty as ever. My eyes are still red and puffy for crying myself to sleep every night. I turned off the car taking the keys out of the ignition and locking the doors. I put my wallet in my pocket. God I want to get out of here as fast as I could. When I lived with the guys in the big house inbetween their tours, we would go here for everything and mess around. I entered the frozen palace of food. Let me remind you it's about 90 degrees or hotter and I am wearing a hoody. I walked in grabbing a cart. I walked around to get a few things when I remembered I needed coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Finally I found the coffee, but a tall figure was buying some too. It was Austin. Great. I walked down like I didn't notice and stopped at the tea throwing in some green tea. I passed him and grabbed a container of coffee. He didn't even notice me. I'm his bestfriend. Or was. I walked to the next aisle to grab toilet paper, but it was up to high. I felt someone grab my wrist and I winced as the squeezed my wrist slightly.

"Need help?" Austin asked in a gentle voice. He grabbed the toilet paper putting it in the car. "How bad?" he asked again. He knows. He must hate me now. He reached for my wrist again and pulled up my sleave exposing a pretty bloody piece of gauze. He removed the gauze and looked wide eyed at my cuts. "Why?" He put the gauze back down and lifted up the other sleeve of my right arm. The one with the biggest cut of all. The gauze was soaked with blood. He peeled back the gauze again and shook his head disaprovingly. "Why?" he asked again.

"Because I don't have a life anymore. I can't tell if i'm dead or not. I can't feel anything anymore. Life has no meaning."

"Yes it does. Alan misses you terribly. He drinks and smokes to take the pain away," he announced.

"Take care of him. He needs you guys." It almost sounded like I was dyiny and I was never going to hear them again. I missed Austin's cuddlyness, Aaron's protectiveness, Tino's jokes,Phil's smiles, and Alan's kisses. Why couldn't I just forgive him? Oh wait I can just I am too stuborn.

"I'm not saying goodbye, we're all keeping a close watch on Alan back at the house. I think it's time you guys end this big thing," my heart dropped. I know that Austin won't let me refuse. "You both need help and the only way you're going to get it is from each other." He was right.

"Fine," I grabbed the rest of my stuff and paid. Austin followed me all the way to my house and helped me lug all the groceries in. I forgot I left my bloody knife on the counter. He gave me another disaproving look. I put all the groceries away and I was ready to go. "Ready!"

"Grab some clothes," Austin ordered me. I grabbed a bag and filled it with clothes. I ran back down stairs and ran into Austin. "Ready?" he asked. I shook my head yes and we were in the car. We rode in complete silence. Well not complete, there was music. When we arrived I walked up the path. Boy I forgot how much I missed the guys. Austin opened the door and Tino, Aaron and Phil were on the couch playing xbox. "Guys look who I found," Austin said and they all looked at me and dropped their paddles.

"Sabrina!" they shrieked and wrapped their arms around me.

"How is he?" I asked Aaron as he hugged me.

"Not good," he admitted. Austin went and knocked on Alan's bedroom door across the hall from my room. I heard Austin trying to convince Alan to come out. He didn't say I was here though.

"Alan I want you to meet the new kitten I found," he told Alan. I guess I am a kitten now.

"Fine," I heard Alan give up. They walked down the hall and I stood behind Aaron for protection. He moved and I came into view for Alan to see.

Alan's POV

I hurt her and now I must pay. I spend everyday drinking and smoking myself away to take away the pain. I know what I did was wrong. I was to drunk to control myself and when I saw Sabrina at Deanna's wedding I couldn't help but talk to her. She pushed me away. I hurt her to the point where she stopped answering Austin and the others. Sophie was asleep on my bed. I need to be happier for the sake of my cat. Sophie loved Sabrina and I didn't just mess up my life and Sabrina's life, but now it is effecting Sophie.

"Alan, I want you to meet the new kitten I found," Austin said pounding on my door. I couldn't ignore a baby cat. Sophie will have a little companion now.

"Fine," I stood up and Sophie followed. I walk out into the living space and Aaron moves so I can see a girl standing there. It was Sabrina. Sophie pearked up and ran to her. Sabrina scratched her behind her little ears. "What's she doing here?" It came out harsher than I intended. 

"Shut up Alan. You're not any better. You're the reason you two aren't together." He was right. "You practically ruined her," he walked closer to her reaching for her sleaves. No. I didn't want her to do this. He removed the bandages that concealed what I think are some deep wounds. He moves out of my view. "You drove her past sanity and into insanity. She's depressed and we weren't there to help her," he was right again.

"I'm sorry," I choked out walking towards her. I hugged her and she hugged back. "Please don't ever do this again," I told her. She nodded and tears were streaming down her face. I pulled away and wiped them away.

"I missed you," she choked through more tears that I wiped away again.

"I missed you too," I told her. "Austin!"

"Yeah man," he said from behind his phone.

"Where's my kitten," I asked joking around with him.

"Um, it was a joke," he said picking up Sophie and handing her to me. She was my baby. Sabrina kissed her head and Sophie nudged Sabrina's face. I am in love with Sabrina Quinn.

Awe! Sabrina and Alan ended up with each other again.

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Oh and I hope you like the video. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls