The Pieces of You

The Months Of You

August:
I didn't know you then. I was still stuck on the person who broke my heart before you did. I was happy though. I was free of pain. I was living and I was getting my life together. I had plans. None of my plans were to meet you

September:
I still didn't know you. School had started and there were a lot of things changing in my life. For one I got my best friend back. Things were still good. I was talking to more people. I was more open. I was truly happy. I still never planned to meet you.

October:
I was getting closer to my best friend that I had lost long ago. I was so occupied with my life that I never noticed you until one day in gym class, when you were messing around with my one friend I finally noticed you. I couldn't believe I didn't see you before that moment. You were absolutely adorable. You were so funny and you seemed so nice. I never planned to fall in love with you.

November:
I finally got the nerve to message you. We talked nonstop. Every day after school we would text each other. We talked about absolutely nothing. We stayed up so late into the night talking. Not a day went by that we didn't talk. Not a day went by that you weren't on my mind. And finally, after weeks of mind games, you asked me out. I hoped it wouldn't be another trick; it wasn't. You told me you loved me for the first time. I never planned to fall so deeply in love with you.

December:
We talked every day. Whenever I saw you in the hallways at school my heart would jump. You were my first real boyfriend. I couldn't believe that after everything I went through I finally found someone to love me. You loved me so unconditionally and I can't thank you enough for that. You have made me happier than I have ever been. I forgot what sadness was. I didn't think it was possible for someone to be this important to me, but you were. You were so goddamn important. I never planned to become so dependent on you.

January:
On January 1st you wished to spend all of 2018 with me. I was so happy. All I wanted was to spend every second of the day with you. I came over to your house for the first time. We kissed for the first time. Do you remember that? I do. It was so special to me. I have never kissed anyone before you. You were my first kiss. I never planned to kiss you.

February:
Our love for each other has grown stronger than I could have ever imagined. We were together almost every second of every day. We were inseparable. I couldn't imagine a life without you. You were my everything. Everything I did, you were in the back of my mind. You gave me the motivation to do things I never dreamed of doing. I loved you more than anything. I never planned to make you my everything.

March:
I was so incredibly happy and I couldn't imagine anything going wrong. I thought we would be together forever. You always talked about a future with me. You always told me you would love me forever. I really thought that nothing bad would ever happen between us and we would be together forever. I was wrong. I never planned to get hurt by you.

April:
Your love for me seemed to fade so fast. It was like out of the blue you stopped caring for me. Why did you do what you did? Did I do something wrong? Did I do something to make you hate me? You said that there was nothing I could do to make you hate me but you left me and you said you wouldn't. Why wouldn't you tell me the real reason you left? I still don't understand what I did wrong. I never planned to lose you.

May:
I am much better than before but you are still always on my mind. I see you in the hallways and during gym class and orchestra. We talk once and a while but not much. Things are awkward now. I still love you. You found someone new and I can totally understand that. Except you do this with every girl you date. I should've known I was nothing special to you. I never planned to hate and love you at the same time.

June (now):
I don't talk to you anymore. You still send me dumb things to read. I usually try not to respond. I still think about you every day. Now that school is out I don't have to see your face. Hear your laugh. See your smile. The smile that I fell in love with. I still cry some nights wishing that you never left. Wishing that things were the way they were before. I have to admit, I miss the things that happened. I miss how happy you made me. I miss you sometimes but I can never have you back in my life. You never apologized for what you did. And I hate you for that. Your apology wouldn't mean anything anyway. I never planned any of this. I never planned to meet you, to fall in love with you. I never planned to kiss you, to make you my everything. I never planned for you to hurt me, for you to leave me. I never planned to hate and love you at the same time. But I do plan to remember you. I do plan to cherish our moments together. I do plan to remember the lessons you taught me. I do plan to always keep a tiny part of my heart for you. I plan to love you forever because that was my promise to you and I don't see how I can't keep that promise. I plan to love you forever, even if you don't love me.

~ R.L.

6/27/18