The Pieces of You

Withdrawal

I lay here as hot burning tears stream down my face. Down my hot, wet, messy face that is covered in dried up tears. My entire body is cold and numb. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and leggings. I'm covered in a blanket yet I'm still shaking. I get a chill that goes through my body every couple of minutes. It hurts me so bad. It feels as though every part of my body is aching and breaking. I don't feel anything, but I feel everything at the same time. I feel no emotions towards anything but you. I'm trying so hard to figure out what I did wrong, but every time I think about it more tears seep out of my eyes. My heart hurts so bad. It feels like there's a knife being stabbed into my chest not allowing me to breathe. It's refusing to let me get air into my lungs. All I want, more than anything, is to feel you with me one last time. To see your face and hear your voice. To hear you tell me that everything will be okay and that you'll never let anything hurt me. I want to feel your lips against mine just one last time because I swear, when you kissed me, I was invincible. Like I couldn't be harmed by anything. I want to feel your fingers interlocked with mine. I want to feel the warmth of your body against mine protecting me from anything that could hurt me. You fought off the demons inside my brain. You made me feel so safe while in your arms. I want to hug you just one last time and feel your chest pushed up against mine and your arms wrapped around my body holding me. I want you to come back. I want you to tell me that you're sorry and that it was all a mistake. I want you to tell me that you love me and actually mean it.

I feel my numb, cold body start to relax. My eyes stop squeezing out tears, my breathing slows down, my heart stops beating so hard, and my mind starts forming pictures of you. I can see your face and feel your warmth and it seems as though you've been here the whole time. Then you disappear and the aching in my heart comes back and I'm left in the cold darkness. The last few tears run down my face as I drift off into the saddest sleep I would ever have. I fall asleep with the thought of you still on my mind, wishing that you would come back.

~ R.L.

9/20/18