Finding Me

Rolling Stones

Deena's been hanging around us a lot more, and it's not helping me like her more, quite the opposite actually. She gives me these looks when no one is looking like she's out to get me. I don't know if I'm imagining it if it's just my anxiety taking over. Something about her just doesn't feel right, and Dylan doesn't like her either so maybe it's not just me. We're all at the beach surfing, Deena is getting Kai to show her some tricks, her laugh rings out through the beach everytime she messes up slightly. I paddle back to shore, a headache forming. I place the board in the sand, grabbing my towel when I see Dylan make his way to shore.
"Is it just me or is her laugh super annoying?" he says pushing his hair from his face.
"I have a headache" I state, making him laugh. I take a seat on the log, watching as Deena does a flawless trick, my headache worsening.
"Here drink some water, it could be from dehydration" Dylan suggests handing me his water bottle, I take it.
"Thanks," I say handing it back, he smiles.
"Can I ask you a question?" he asks
"Is that the question?" I joke, he chuckles.
"Of course you can ask me a question," I say, hoping he brings up Kalani.
"Why aren't you, and Kai together?" he asks surprising me.
"Now that's a question" I joke, he laughs
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You don't have to answer" he states, his hair falling in his face again.
"No it's okay, I mean you already know a lot about me. To be honest I don't know the answer I just know that I'm scared I think to try again." I reply, surprised at my honesty.
"I know personally how hard it can be to be in a relationship with my anxiety, It feels like constant doubt," he says, squinting towards the water. I notice how he crunches his fingers, switching consistently from hand to hand.
"It feels like I'm always overreacting," I say, my voice cracking slightly.
"It's hard to know the difference, just so you know I don't think you were overreacting," he says, I smile
"Thanks, but you can't guarantee that for everything," I say, he chuckles turning fully towards me.
"That's true, but that's also in every relationship, it's not just people with anxiety" he assures. I smile then, thankful for him, for our friendship.
"You're pretty cool you know that," I say, he laughs loudly now, making me laugh
"That's such a relief" he jokes, I smack his arm, but he just laughs louder.
"What's so funny?" Kai asks, shaking his hair out. I look up my skin heating.
"Just how cool I am," Dylan says, thank god he answered my mouth is severely dry right now, not proud of myself at this moment.
"Yeah that is hilarious" he jokes, making us all laugh.
"Deena seems to be catching on quickly," I say, as Kalani, and her paddle to shore.
"Yeah I guess" he answeres, his eyes glued to mine. I put some sunglasses on hoping that hides my wandering eyes especially since I can't keep my eyes off his contracting muscles.
"The waves are amazing," Deena says, as she rings out her dripping hair.
"Always are" I respond, she gives me sharp smile.
"You two look cozy," she says her eyebrows raised.
"I could say the same thing" I whisper to myself, anger seeping into my body.
"Oh yeah, the same goes to you" Dylan says leaning back slightly, I smirk at his response, very similar to mine.
"Hey Vi did you pack snacks I'm starving," Kalani asks, I nod grabbing my bag. I pass out protein bars, stopping at Kai.
"I brought your favorite" I wink, his face breaks out into a huge grin.
"From the specialty store?" he asks, I nod, pulling out his favorite protein bar, he pulls me into a hug, making me laugh.
"You amazing," he says ripping open the package, I blush.
"I know" I respond. I peek at Deena who seems to be glaring quite obviously.
"So, do you guys know Conor?" Deena asks
"Connor Lambert?" Kai asks, she nods
"He's having a party, I was wondering if you guys wanted to go" She asks, her eyes stuck to Kai's, who shrugs.
"Yes, I need to get shitfaced" Kalani says, Kai grimaces.
"I am your big brother," Kai says, Kalani shrugs making me laugh.
"I've had a shitty couple of weeks, I deserve it," She says, he softens.
"Yeah I want to get shitfaced to" I add, she brightens.
"I'm down, but I don't want to get shitfaced not if this one is" he says pointing to me, I push him and he laughs loudly.
"Great, so I was thinking Kai, are you okay to drive," Deena asks, her fingers on his shoulder, making me stiffen, Dylan smiles reassuringly.
"Sure, but I want to get shitfaced so someone needs to drive home," He says, I stare surprised, he shrugs.
"I can drive, I also have a car," Dylan says
"So it's settled, everyone has to be ready by 9" She commands, all of us nod.
"Do you want to get ready together?" Kalani asks
"I actually have to talk to my aunt, so I can't," I say, she nods. Kai drops me off first.
"See you at 9" Kalani yells out the window I wave
"Yeah girl see you at 9, wear something totally cute" Dylan calls, I turn sticking my tongue out at him
"You too girl" I respond, making him chuckle. My aunt and uncle are on the couch watching a movie when I walk in.
"Hey, how was the beach?" My aunt asks, turning away from the movie.
"Great, is it okay if I go to a party tonight?" I ask, she smiles.
"Look at you social butterfly, of coure as long as you finish your chores, and dinners on a plate in the kitchen," she says, I kiss her cheek before heading off to put on some laundry. I put 3 loads on, clean my room, and bathroom, before eating some cold pasta my favorite. After I finish eating I head to my room.
"What the hell do I wear," I ask myself, pulling out a couple clothing options. I decide to go casual with some black denim shorts with a rolling stones patch on the pocket, and a black shirt. I stare at my reflection, as a memory flashes through my head.
~"Kai" I squeal, as he pulls me into his chest, his hand going into my back pocket.
"What?" He asks innocently, his eyes gleaming dangerously.
"I have to go inside," I tell him trying to sound stern but failing.
"So go" He deadpans, making me groan.
"You're a tease" I giggle, he raises his eyebrows at me.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, if anyones a tease it's you, you know what those shorts do to me" he growls sending instant heat through my body.
"I have no idea what you're talking about" I play innocent, he growls again this time against my throat.
"I can't handle how gorgeous you are," he says, my heart hammering in my chest.
"Wow, I should really wear these shorts more often" I stammer, my breathing shallow.
"Yes, yes you should," he says before pulling me into a passionate kiss, that left me outside for an hour over my curfew. ~
I smile at the memory, my fingers sliding into my back pocket. I curl my hair slighly giving it beach waves, before applying a little bit of makup. Before I know it it's 9, and a cars honking outside. I rush out giving my aunt and uncle a quick kiss before heading outside. Dylan's standing outside his truck, reaching in to honk the horn.
"Okay I'm here Jesus" I yell, before he honks again, he smirks
"I was just gonna run in to get you" he responds before hopping back into the car. I notice he's picked up everyone already, they're all squished in the back.
"Oh nice I get shotgun" I say hopping into the front seat.
"You look good" Kalani says from the back. I turn noticing she's wearing denim shorts with a purple tube top, she looks amazing.
"You to" I respond
"Let's go" Dylan yells backing out of the driveway. Conor lives close, his house is huge, like giant, and the driveway is packed as well as the street around it.
"Jesus, it's packed" I say, my skin flushing.
"Yeah, did I mention he's super rich" Deena says. She's wearing a really tight black dress, with 6 inch heels, that's gonna kill her feet.
"I'm nervous" Kalani whispers
"Why?" I ask
"Tonight's the night I'm going to kiss Dylan" she says, turning toward Dylan, who's just now getting out of the car.
"Yay, don't be nervous" I reassure her, squeezing her hand, she blushes slightly as he moves closer. Everyone is dancing as we go inside, people grinding on each other others chanting chug at the top of their lungs. It's like out of a bad high school movie, my anxiety spikes.
"Let's go get drinks" Kalani yells over the loud music I follow her, trying not to get lost in the throng of people. We all head to the kitchen, Kilani passing out drinks.
"You okay?" Dylan whisper yells into my ear.
"All good" I reassure, he smiles. I pound back 2 shots with Kalani before grabbing a concoction she made.
"You said you wanted to get shitfaced" she says noticing my apprehension, I nod taking a sip. It's surprisingly good.