Finding Me

News

I ended up bringing Kalani home. We stayed up almost all night talking about why she feels this way. She's very set on having a baby with Jackson. She thinks that they'd make the perfect family. Now she's asleep on the couch, her head in my lap, and I can't sleep. It's 5:30 when I decide to move to the room. I stand in the doorway, watching as Dylan's chest rises and falls rhythmically. I crawl into the bed pulling the cover tightly around me. Dylan stirs slightly turning to face me.
"You just coming to bed?" He asks his voice raspy with sleep.
"Ya"
"Jesus" he chuckles and it rumbles through me. He pulls me into his chest. His eyes flutter closed. I expected to wipe out as soon as my head touched the pillow but my mind is still racing wildly.
"Whats wrong?" He whispers, his voice squished from the pillow.
"Nothing" I assure running my finger up his bare arm.
"Come on" he opens one eye and grins.
"I'm just worried for Kalani, I think she's confused" I explain, sighing.
"You really think she'll try to get pregnant?" He asks
"She wants to, and she has her mind set on it" I reply
"Would it be that bad?" He asks
"Yes, she's barely out of high school, doesn't have a stable career and It would just be super complicated" I express, my voice getting higher, his hand shifts so he's now holding my hip.
"Okay, I'm sorry I questioned it" he says, making me sigh.
"No, I mean you're kind of right. I'm not sure why it's bothering me so much" I sit up, my head spinning, he sits up, his hand on my lower back.
"It's just, having a baby is a big responsibility and people take it lightly. She doesn't even know if he wants one. What if he leaves her when she gets pregnant?" I huff, he rubs slow circles across my back
"Hey, it's not like she's pregnant okay, maybe it's just a passing phase" he says, I nod and turn to him.
"I just know what it's like to not be wanted by your parents. I just don't want her to resent her kid" I explain the words piling out of me. His hand moves from my back to my face. I turn to look at him, his hair is mused and his eyes look sleepy.
"I'm sorry" is all he says, and my heart physically aches. I move closing the distance between us. I tangle my hands in his hair revelling in the moan he lets out. I move to straddle him, my hands roaming over his hard chest. We break apart breathing hard. I lean my forehead against his.
"Thank you for everything" I exhale, his fingers tangle in my hair making me sigh in delight.
"Don't thank me for being there for you" he states his eyes glued to mine. I caress his now stubbly cheek.
"Fine then I'll thank you for being you" I smile, he chuckles. I rub my nails gently down his bare torso, a wicked smile on my face.
"Don't give me that look, you need to sleep" he groans leaning back.
"But I'm wide awake" I smile, he groans louder making me giggle. I wiggle forward, and his eyes become darker making my skin prick with anticipation.
"Fuck it" he says before flipping me so I'm on my back. I laugh loudly.
...
I wake up to the sound of a blender. I groan and turn over reaching for Dylan but that side of the bed is empty. I sit up, the blanket shifting, leaving me naked. I grab one of Dylan's shirts off the ground, and slip it over my head. I head to the kitchen where the horrid blending noise is coming from. I spot Kalani first, she has a huge smile on her face.
"Well good afternoon sleeping beauty" she says once she sees me.
"What time is it?" I ask, Dylan's not with her.
"1:30" she responds handing me a glass of what she just blended.
"What time did you go to bed?" She asks as I sit down.
"Late, or early morning I don't know" I say, she laughs.
"Where's Dylan?" I ask, she shrugs.
"He was out when I woke up about an hour ago" she explains. I bypass the smoothie and head for the coffee machine.
"So, I wanted to thank you" She blurts, I turn to her confused.
"For?" I ask picking a mug from the drawer.
"For last night. I could never talk to Kai about this" she explains, and a pang of anxiety hits me.
"So it's still something you really want to do?" I ask trying to sound normal.
"Ya, I just think it's meant to be" she smiles.
"Kalani is there a reason you're rushing this? Are you pregnant?" I ask, her eyes widen.
"No, I'm not pregnant Violet! I just want to start a family" she utters her voice hard.
"I just think you should talk to Jackson first" I say, she huffs
"What did you think I was just gonna trap him, seriously what do you think of me?" She stares wide eyed. I don't know what to say, silence stretches out. She huffs again before grabbing her bag.
"I'm gonna go" she says before rushing off. I stare after her shocked. What the fuck just happened.
...
"I don't even see why we're having people over" I say as Dylan stirs something on the stove.
"What do you mean?" He laughs turning to me.
"Well we invited your parents and mine, as well as Kalani, Jackson, Kai, and Laney. I just think it'll be awkward now" I say placing the corn in the bowl.
"I think it'll be fine, plus we already invited everyone" he grins.
"I have to apologize don't I?" I ask, he tilts his head slightly.
"Do you feel like apologizing?" He asks
"I don't want her to think that I think of her like that" I explain, he nods as he chews the cracker in his mouth.
"Just tell her that then" he states simply.
"I will then" I mock, he grins moving towards me. He leans down pecking my lips lightly.
"Dad and Chloe will be here at 7" he says, I nod. I watch as he turn to mix something on the stove. He seems so in his element, so content. I tilt my head imagining one day having a kid running around. I know he'd make a great dad, he's caring and extremely easy to talk to. He turns back to me eyebrow raised in question.
"What?" I ask, he chuckles.
"Can you try this, see if it needs salt" he asks again, I nod blushing slightly. Kalani was getting in my head.
...
Kalani, Jackson and Kai still aren't here, and to be honest it's making me anxious. I didn't think she'd not show up. Anger sweeps through me, they could have at least called. I watch as Chloe laughs loudly with Aunt V. They seem to be getting along very well, whereas my uncle and Kai's Dad are just sitting awkwardly. Fuck this is so awkward. I shift heading out of view. I sit down on the bed, sighing loudly. Guilt wraps around me, as I imagine Kalani. She must have felt embarrassed and made fun of. A knock at the door shakes me from my thoughts. I look up and spot Kai.
"Hey" I say a bit shocked to see him.
"Hey, can I.. can I talk to you?" He asks, I nod patting the seat beside me. He moves forward, his eyes anywhere but on me. The bed dips as he sits down. Silence stretches between us, he finally looks at me.
"It's about Kalani" He explains looking worried. I shift, she must have told him, about our argument.
"She told you then" I blurt, feeling my cheeks heat, he looks confused
"You know?!" He asks his voice edgy, now I'm confused.
"Well we talked yesterday isn't that why your hear because we fought?" I ask, he sighs
"No she didn't tell me, I found the test" He explains his eyebrow raised. My jaw drops.
"The test?" I ask
"Yes the pregnancy test, and honestly I can't believe you knew and didn't tell me" He stands now, anger evident in his voice
"She's pregnant?" I ask, still reeling, he turns and looks at me confused.
"Yes" He states, I shake my head.
"She didn't tell me she was pregnant, she told me she was thinking about maybe having a kid" I explain, now he looks confused.
"She didn't tell you?"
"No, she got mad when I asked, and we fought" I say, his eyes widen.
"Have you talked to her today" I add, he shakes his head.
"She wasn't home, I just assumed she was with you cause she told me she slept over here. Then I found the test and I came straight here" He explains.
"You think she's with Jackson?" I ask, he sighs running a hand through his hair.
"She's pregnant Vi, and I don't know what to do" he states his eyes wide and a panic washes over him.
"Hey, were here for her, she'll be fine" I assure stepping closer to him, he shakes his head.
"I can't, I just" he stumbles on his words, I can see the whirling thoughts in his head. He's spiralling.
"Kai breathe" I say moving to grab his hand, he looks at me, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He steps closer suddenly his familiar sent filling the room.
"I can't breathe" he says, his eyes wide and panicked. I squeeze his hand and rub my other hand up to his face.
"Just focus on me you're okay I promise" I say. I can tell he's having a panic attack the start of one at least. He nods taking in a deep breath.
"You're okay" I repeat, he nods moving so his forehead touches mine. I can feel his rapid breath on my face. We stand there in silence, his grip on my hand loosens and I know it passed.
"You okay?" I whisper, he gulps, but nods. I try to take a step back, but he holds onto me.
"We should go find Kalani" I say, he nods again. Then before I know it he's kissing me. His lips are eager against mine, and I'm shocked. So shocked it takes a second before I realize what's happening. I push back but his hands  are still holding onto mine.
"Kai" I push harder this time and he steps back breathing hard.
"What was that?" I ask, panic shooting through me.
"I.. I" he stutters his eyes wide. I push past him needing to get the fuck out of that room.