Finding Me

K and Vi

I'm sitting on the sand watching as Dylan paddles out. His strong arms take him out far, where the waves are harsher. I like watching him surf it's melodic. Everything he does calms me down. I dig my feet into the sand, loving the heat it radiates. I pull out my water, gulping down the refreshing liquid. I suddenly spot Kalani, her eyes are on mine. She notices me looking and quickly waves. My heart beats louder, is Kai with her. I wave back, and she starts walking over. Sand kicks up behind her as she walks.
"Hey" she smiles widely down at me.
"Hi" I reply, an awkwardness settling between us.
"How are things?" I ask hating how foreign it all sounds.
"Good, I've been busy with Jackson" she blushes
"That's good, how is he?" I ask, playing with the sand.
"He's great, so what are you up to?" She asks pushing some hair behind her ear.
"Just surfing with Dylan" I reply, she nods
"Sit" I say patting beside me, she smiles sitting down.
"Hey I'm sorry if I've been MIA" she mutters, her eyes on the ground.
"No it's okay, I get it. I'm sorry if I've made you feel weird. The situations weird for both of us" I say, she pulls me into a tight hug.
"I miss you" she says still clinging onto me
"I miss you too" I smile
"Can we hang out, have a girls night?" She asks
"Yes I need one"
"Good, cause I need my bestie" she smiles, I nod.
"So, how are you?" She asks
"I'm good, well I'm trying to feel better" I say, she nods
"Good, ...he's a wreck" she says, and it's like a punch to the gut.
"Ya it shows" I say sarcastically, she looks confused.
"Why, what did he do?" She asks curiously
"Nothing sorry I shouldn't have brought it up" I say, she shakes her head.
"You can tell me" she assures.
"A girl she posted a picture of Kai captioning newly single" I quote, she looks appalled.
"Shit I'm sorry, that's dicky of him" she says it makes me chuckle.
"Thanks K" I say, she shrugs.
"He really is a wreck Vi, you should see him" she says, I nod.
"I miss him K, a lot, every day. I just... I'm so confused and embarrassed" I admit, she squeezes my hand.
"I'm so sorry for my idiot brother" she says, I lean my head on her shoulder.
"Me too" I mutter
"Kalani" I hear Kai's voice, I sit up. I see him a couple yards away. He's shirtless with his board under his arm. My skin flushes.
"Shit I forgot he was meeting me here" she says
"That's okay, go have fun" I smile, she hugs me before she stands. Kai's still staring, his eyes glued to me.
"Text me" she says, I nod. I watch as she rushes towards him, his eyes never leaving mine. I want so badly to run to him, to kiss him. Instead I look away toward Dylan in the water.
...
Kalani and I are in my room watching sleepless in Seattle. We decided on a girls night in, with every junk food in existence. It's great to have her back. It feels normal.
"Tom Hanks" she sighs dreamily
"I know" I agree, she giggles.
"Can I ask you something?" She asks
"Go for it" I reply, she doesn't say anything right away, just picks at the popcorn.
"Is heartbreak really that bad?" She asks, her voice apprehensive.
"It's fucking terrible" I say remembering the actual ache of my heart.
"How bad?" She asks
"I think when you were really in love it's painful, like your chest physically aches for the person. Mix that with anger, embarrassment, longing and there you go" I explain, she nods.
"Shit, I'm sorry" she says, I nod.
"Do you hate my brother now?" She asks
"No, that's what makes it hurt more. I love him, and honestly I just miss being his friend" I admit
"So you think you could be friends?" She asks
"I hope one day, when I'm not so angry" I say, she nods.
"You are really mature" she says making me laugh loudly.
"Thanks" I blush, she cuddles closer to me.
...
My eyes flutter open, the sun shines brightly through the window. I groan shifting to the other side. Kalani's sound asleep beside me, I stretch slightly releasing the tension in my bones. Kalani stirs slightly, her eyes opening slowly.
"Morning" she mutters sleepily
"Morning" I reply, suddenly a phone rings. She turns quickly plucking hers off the side table.
"Hello?" She answers
"Hey, I'm over at Violets" she mumbles eyes closed.
"Oh, maybe I'll see and text you later" she says into the phone
"Okay I'll see you later bye" she hangs up, her eyes still shut.
"Jackson" she answers my unasked question.
"Ohh lala" I mock she chuckles finally opening her eyes. I stand fully stretching.
"You up for a party tonight?" She asks sitting up against the headboard.
"Who's?" I ask
"Some guy Jackson knows" she says, I shrug
"Dylan can come too obvi" she laughs
"Sure I guess" I smile, she claps her hands.
...
I dress casually just some denim cutoffs and a black tee. Dylan meets us at my house at 8, dressed casually as well. Jackson intends on picking us up soon, the party's a bit farther away.
"Who's party" Dylan asks Kalani
"Frank Williams" she says
"Oh that dickhead" he replies, she laughs.
"Ya he knows Jackson from baseball camp I guess" she says applying her lipgloss. The doorbell rings. We all head to the door expecting Jackson.
"Kai?" I stammer, he looks sheepish.
"Sorry, um Jackson asked me if I could drive you guys" he mumbles, my body flushes from the proximity. I take a step back, my heart racing.
"He didn't text me?" Kalani says
"Ya he came by the house, his phone was dead, said he had to go get a keg with some guys and asked if I
Could drive" he says, my stomach twists into tight knots. His eyes catch mine, and my body burns.
"Lets go then" I say knowing they're waiting for my go ahead. I grab my bag and we all head to Kai's Jeep. I hop into the back with Dylan. I stare out the window, trying to my hardest not to make eye contact with him.
"You good?" Dylan whispers, I nod and smile. The fucking universe hates me obviously!