Finding Me

Before You Go

"You coming?" Dylan asks, peeling off his shirt. My eyes trace over his chest, my skin heating. He grins and my heart races.
"Go ahead, I'll meet you in a bit" I stutter, he nods. Grabbing his board and heading into the water. I plop down on the sand. I release a breath hoping it calms my wildly beating heart. I dig my toes into the sand, my cheeks blazing. I watch as Dylan paddles out, his strong arms tight with concentration. My attraction for him has only grown since he's come
Back. I find myself wanting to make out with him all the time, it makes for a very awkward Violet. I can't help it, my nerves are jumbled. Everything he does lately makes me go crazy. I watch as he stands on his board, his body goes rigid, just before he loosens up. My body tingles as the memory of our kiss plays inside my head. I place my head in my hands, sighing loudly.
"Caught you" I hear someone say, I spring up.
"What?" I turn to Kalani who's smirking
"You have some drool" she jokes sitting down beside me.
"I was just watching" I defend lamely, making her laugh.
"Come on Vi" she urges
"I like him" I finally admit, she nods.
"So what's the problem?" She asks
"We're friends" I say, she shrugs.
"I don't want to ruin it" I add
"Plus, maybe it's too soon, maybe I'd be rushing it" I say, she nods.
"It's been just over a month since you and Kai broke up, it's okay to have feelings for someone else" she states. I look back at Dylan, he's riding another wave.
"What if he doesn't like me like that?" I ask
"He does" she states firmly. Suddenly I remember she doesn't know about the kiss.
"I have to tell you something" I say, she turns back to me, a curious look on her face.
"So that night I found out about Kai, well I kissed Dylan" I blurt, her eyes widen
"What?!" She asks
"I was so drunk I forgot it all. He finally told me at that party a couple weeks back. Then it all came back to me." I explain, her eyes widen.
"You guys kissed?" She stutters I nod
"How was it?" She asks
"Good, really good. Once I remember I couldn't get it out of my head." I admit, she nods.
"But you didn't remember it" she confirms I nod
"Ya, at first then it all came rushing in. The memory was so vivid" I say, she nods
"Well now you know he likes you" she says
"No cause he wants it all to go back to normal" I respond
"Violet come on" She urges I shrug.
"I think you just feel guilty cause you kissed someone right away and now you're scared to be with him" she says, I'm shocked at her boldness
"Should I feel guilty?" I ask
"No you were mad and maybe it was a bit fast. But now you actually like him, and he likes you." she states
"That's the thing K, that night I wasn't thinking about Kai. I didn't kiss Dylan cause I was trying to get back at Kai. It just happened. I can't really explain it." I tell her honestly.
"Wait did you have feelings for him when you were
With Kai?" She asks.
"No I loved Kai, I never thought of Dylan like that ever. That night just changed things" I say.
"Then Go for it" she smiles.
"K, come on! What if I admit to liking him and he doesn't feel the same. Then everything's fucked. I need him in my life" I blurt, she traces my face.
"He's really important to you" She murmurs more to herself.
"Ya, he's helped me a lot, I can push away my sexual attraction to him. But I need him in my life." I respond
"Okay" she says. Silence stenches between us. I run my finger through the sand, painting a flower.
"Maybe test the waters, flirt with him. See how he reacts" she suggests.
"Will that work?" I ask
"Yes, you'll get an idea of how to proceed then" she says
"Kind Of smart" I respond, she nudges me.
"I am smart you know" she smiles.
"Yes I know... oh how did it go with Jackson?" I ask her, she blushes.
"I haven't said anything yet" she says
"Why?"
"I'm nervous and trying to find the right time" she replies.
"Take your time K, he's not going anywhere" I tell her, she nods, hugging her knees. Dylan paddles in then. His muscles bulge as he carries his board. His hair's dripping, sending water droplets down his face. My stomach coils with desire.
"Hey" he smiles at Kalani
"Hey, nice ride" Kalani smirks, I sigh.
"Thanks" he responds chuckling.
"Guys" someone calls out, we all turn and spot Riley and Kai making their way toward us.
"Hey" Riley smiles
"Hey" Kalani responds. Dylan sits down next to me, water falling onto me.
"Sorry" he smiles moving to wipe at my thigh.
"So what are we doing tonight?" Riley asks, I look away from Dylan towards her.
"I'm going to dinner with Jackson then Aren't we meeting at that party?" Kalani asks. I lean back, laying face up towards the sun.
"Ya sounds good, What about you two, you doing anything before the party?" Riley asks I notice her leaning back against Kai.
"Not sure" I respond
"I actually have a date" Dylan says, my heart squeezes in my chest. I sit up, my jaw dropped.
"What?" I blurt, then I blush.
"Ya, I was gonna tell you. I'm going out with that girl Elle" he says, my stomach twists tightly. I remember Elle, we met here a week ago at a party. She's gorgeous! Tall, with gorgeous legs and golden hair that cuts off at her shoulders.
"Oh, I didn't know you liked her" I say, he shrugs.
"Well I'm not sure if I do, or if I even want to date anyone else. I just think I should try" he explains, I nod feeling my face flame. His words slide through me.
"Ya smart" I mumble feeling beyond stupid.
"Wait you said anyone else?" Kalani comments, Dylan's cheek turn pink.
"Did I, oh I just mean anyone at all" he stammers, looking away.
"Well good luck man" Kai butts in. I look over at him. He's squinting from the sun, but his face is stiff all around.
"Thanks" Dylan nods.
"What are you guys doing?" I ask, before instantly regretting it.
"I'm taking her out to dinner I think" he answers
"Fun" I smile widely.
"So Vi you want to come with us before the party" Riley smirks.
"As fun as that sounds I think I'm just gonna hang with my aunt" I say, knowing full well tonight's date night. Gives me time to wallow on my own.
"Too bad, I guess it's just us babe" she looks back at Kai who nods.
...
Dylan's walking me home, and it feels awkward. Or I'm making it awkward cause I'm jealous of Elle. Either way it fucking sucks! Why didn't he tell me, I thought he didn't want a relationship?! Why do I have to care?!
"Hey sorry I didn't tell you earlier about Elle" he blurts like he's just read my mind.
"No it's fine, I'm happy for you" I smile reassuringly.
"So you think it's a good idea?" He asks after a minute, looking down at the ground. I want to scream no, or say anything to dissuade him.
"Ya, if you think it could work" I say instead. He looks at me and I can't decipher what it means. I stop walking suddenly, his eyes still glued to mine.
"Why do you think it's a good idea?" I ask, the words falling out of me. He doesn't answer right away, we just stand there. Why does he have to look at me like that?!
"I guess we'll see tonight?" He stammers before continuing to walk. I stare shocked, before I shake it off and continue walking.
"Ya, So where are you taking her?" I ask. I try not to show how much this conversation kills me.