Finding Me

Is It Time?

I stand in my room, staring at my reflection in my mirror. I'm wearing a simple black dress that reaches just above my knee. I haven't done anything to my hair it's just loose down my back. My hearts pounding loudly in my chest because today's the day I tell Dylan that I want to be with him.  I've decided I need to tell him before we get a place together, I don't want to be trapped into anything. Plus it would be weird if I confessed I liked him and he didn't feel the same and then we were stuck together, I'd go insane. He's meeting me in five minutes and my anxiety is through the roof. I grab my purse and head out. My aunt and uncle are out to the farmers market, so I'm home alone. My phone beeps.
"Here" he writes. Oh god how the fuck am I gonna do this! I take a steadying breath before I get to his car.
"Hey" he smiles
"Hi" I mumble
"You all right?" He asks, starting the car. Why is my heart beating so fast, why am I such an idiot. Just say the words.
"Fine" I spit out, he doesn't look convinced.
"So the first place is pretty close, the couples moving to his parents house in Illinois so they need to rent out this place." He explains taking a sharp turn. I want to say something anything but my lips are glued shut and my stomach is coiled so tightly I think it might snap.
"So what's the story?" He asks ,I look at him confused
"You know the story we tell them. Like as an example we're newlyweds who are madly in love looking for a place to rent" he expresses a grin on his face. His dimples stick out making him even cuter.
"Or not, we could just stick the truth. You've never told anyone a made up story just cause?" he mumbles, I must look really unimpressed. Just spit out the words Violet!
"I like you!" The words tumble out, he doesn't seem fazed.
"Oh like you like me and I don't feel the same kind of thing, but why would we be getting a place together?" He asks, my skin burns he thinks I'm making up a story.
"Dylan" I say
"What?" He asks looking at me quickly then back at the road.
"Nothing, never mind" I say, looking straight ahead. We get the the house, it's small. A petite woman is standing up front a huge smile on her face.
"You must be Andrea" Dylan smiles moving to shake her hand, she nods.
"This is Violet" he introduces, I shake her hand as well. The house is cute, it's bright colours, and it has a lot of open space. The Kitchen and living area are meshed together. There are two bedrooms which is good, both not too big but also not too small. Andrea and Dylan discuss some other aspects like rent, and pets and stuff like that. I try to focus, my mind is running a mile a minute. Before I know it we're back in the car with an application.
"So?" He asks backing out of the driveway.
"It was cute" I nod looking out the window.
"Just cute?" He asks
"Yup"
"Okay, well the next ones a bit farther out, but it's bigger" he explains, I nod. Why is it so hard to say those words out loud?! I watch the waves out the window, it swarms by smudging together with the trees.
"Are you sure nothings wrong?" He asks, I roll my eyes away from him annoyed at myself.
"Nope, I'm good" I smile, he nods curtly. The next house is beautiful. The back doors lead to the beach which is amazing. The house flows together perfectly, and we have two room as well as a small den.
"So why are you wanting to rent it?" Dylan asks the thin male. 
"I'm moving to Florida with my girlfriend, her families there" he explains his voice monotoned.
"Oh, do you like Florida?" Dylan asks
"It's alright it has beaches so" he laughs, Dylan grins and nods.
"Well I think I speak for both of us when I say we really like it." Dylan leans against the kitchen counter. I did really love the place. It's 20 minutes away from my aunt and uncle which is great!
"That's cool, there aren't any others interested so if you want it, it's yours" he shrugs, Dylan looks at me a smile on his face. I smile back.
"Well we'll talk about it and get back to you tomorrow" Dylan says, the guy nods. I follow him outside to the car.
"We don't have to do this vi if you don't want to" he blurts pulling out of the driveway
"What?" I ask confused
"If you've changed your mind about moving in together it's fine, just let me know" he explains. I don't know how to react. I stare at him, and he shrugs.
"That's not it" I assure, he sighs
"Then what's wrong?" He asks
"You've been weird all day" he adds.
"I need to tell you something" I say, he nods but his face grows serious.
"What's wrong?" He asks
"It's nothing like that, I, Well, it's about us" I blurt my cheeks heating. He pulls into my driveway then, and shuts off the car.
"What about us?" He asks, my hearts thumping loudly.
"Is it about the kiss, cause if it's still weird I'm sorry" he blurts, his eyes filled with worry. The look in his eyes gives me the courage to just say it.
"I like you Dylan, and by that I mean I want to be with you." His face freezes
"I just needed to tell you, especially before we get a place together cause I didn't want us to be trapped. It's totally okay if you don't feel the same, I don't expect anything, I just Well I needed to tell you that's it" I ramble, blushing. He doesn't move or say anything, and the longer I sit there the more embarrassed I feel. I unbuckle my seat belt.
"It's okay, I'm just gonna give you some space" I say opening the door. He doesn't respond so I hop out. I don't rush to the door, not wanting to seem too embarrassed. I open the door and rush in shutting it quickly. I slink to the ground, my heart beating fast. He didn't say anything. I shut my eyes completely embarrassed. The door is suddenly pulled open, and I fall backwards. I quickly scramble up, my cheeks heating.
"What..?" I stammer confused
"You can't just say all that stuff and then leave" he states his voice hard, my stomach drops.
"You weren't saying anything" I defend, he barges in closing the door.
"I was shocked, you... I wasn't expecting that" he stammers his cheeks pink, I nod.
"I'm sorry I thought, well I don't know what I thought Okay I just wanted to tell you. I wanted to be honest" I state my voice raised, he runs a hand through his hair.
"If you don't feel the same, that's fine" I add just as loud. He looks stunned, his hair is slightly mused.
"Why now?" He asks, surprising me
"When I realized we kissed, all these feelings were attached. And I was scared and I didn't want to rush into things. I wanted to give myself time to be by myself, so I wasn't acting out of loneliness. But my feelings didn't go away, they got bigger" I explain. Silence stretches between us, I can hear his rapid breathing.
"I was devastated after the kiss Violet! I've wanted you, this" he points between us
"For a long time, and I was sure there was never gonna be anything between us because of you and Kai and even after you and Kai. I thought you'd never want me like that. I thought you kissed me that night to get back at Kai" he says, he sounds so wreaked. I never knew he felt that way.
"Are you sure you want me Violet, because if I'm just a filler until you and Kai get back together..." his voice drops off, he looks down at the ground.
"I can't do that, I won't do that" He says, guilt wraps around me. He thinks I used him, and that breaks my heart.
"You have never been a filler for Kai. When I kissed you it wasn't to get back at him. He wasn't even a thought in my head. I kissed you because I wanted to. And I didn't tell you for so long because I wanted to be away from Kai and our relationship, so that I knew my feelings were real! The more time that passed the more I realized that I like you, a lot." I explain, my voice clear and strong. I step closer to him.
"Why?" He asks, and I can see his anxiety and fear taking over. I've been there so many times.
"Because you showed me that I'm strong, and you've always been there for me no matter what. And because you're an amazing person" I say, he still looks hesitant. He suddenly pulls me into a heated kiss. I melt into him. I wrap my arms around his neck holding on tightly. He deepens the kiss making me dizzy and lightheaded. His fingers tighten on my waist sending electricity through me.
"I've wanted this for so long" he says as we break apart, I smile and blush.