Finding Me

Memory Lane

A heavy feeling settled over me. I take a step back from Dylan, as the fuzzy picture from earlier pops into my head. Its more vivid now. I can feel how hard my heart is beating, and I can feel the hard planes of Dylan's chest on my fingertips. I shake my head hard starting to feel overwhelmed.
"When, how?" I ask, my voice trembling slightly.
"That night you found out about Kai" he says, my stomach turns.
"We were dancing, and then we were kissing. We were both drunk" he explains. I rack my brain for those events, but nothing comes up.
"I don't remember" I say, he sighs
"It's fuzzy for me too" he says, looking down at his shoes.
"Did we do anything else?" I ask
"No of course not, we kissed once and then we went to bed" he says, I nod. My fingertips tingle as the memory burns behind my eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask
"I was going to but things kept coming up. You were having such a hard time I didn't want you to feel guilty too" he mumbles his cheeks pink. The door of the bathroom is suddenly being pulled open, a girl
Stands there looking obliterated.
"Excuse me" she slurs. I move past her needing some
Air. I get outside, my breathing rapid.
"I'm so sorry, please I don't want this to ruin our friendship" he says. A warm feeling spreads through me. A vivid image of us dancing pops into my mind. 
...
"Watch me" I laugh spinning in large circles around him, Dylan laughs.
"Come dance" I pull him closer to me, my body collides into his, his arms wrap around me. My cheeks burn and a giggle burst through me.
"You're soft" I say leaning my cheek on his chest. I place my hand on his chest, listening to his strong heart beat. We move slowly in circles. I grip tighter onto him, feeling safe.
"I love you dyl" I blurt, the alcohol making me brave.
"I love you too" I can hear his smile, and it makes me smile.
"Do you think I'm attractive?" I ask, as Kai and Sammie kissing pops back into my head.
"Yes you're beautiful" he states simply, my cheeks warm.
"I'm completely pathetic" I say
"Vi, come on stop, it's not your fault what happened" he says, I grip tighter to him, suddenly feeling a bit Dizzy. I always feel so grounded when I'm with him.
"God I just feel so stupid" I admit stepping back a bit.
"You shouldn't, he should" he explains, I move to sit down on the couch, my head foggy. He moves to sit beside me.
"This has nothing to do with you, or how great you are." Dylan explains. I look up at him, he looks so sincere. His eyes are so warm and kind.
"Why then?" I ask, his eyes trace over me and a warm shiver runs through me. It makes my stomach flip.
"I wish I could give you an answer that would make you feel better, but honestly he's just dumb" he explains, a loud bubble of laughter erupts through me. He grins and moves to push a piece of hair from my face. I have a sudden urge to kiss him, the way he's looking at me gives me shivers all over. I'm sure I'm staring at his lips, they look so inviting. My brain clears, and all I can think about is how much I want to kiss him. I think the alcohol takes over and I pull him into a deep kiss. His lips were so soft. His hands tangle in my hair, and he deepens the kiss. My skin tingles with desire, and I grip at his shoulders. The kiss makes me dizzy and it fills my head with desire. He pulls away, both of us breathing hard. I lean my forehead against his, our breaths mingling. My brain feels clear for the first time since I found out about Kai.
"Wow" he breathes, I smile.
"We should probably head to bed" he mumbles lightly. Disappointment courses through me.
"Oh" I say moving back, he shakes his head.
"No, it's just you're so drunk, if this is going to happen I want it to be real" he says moving to caress my cheek lightly. Butterflies swarm through me. Why am I feeling like this.
...
The memory floods in, leaving me breathless and confused. Dylan stares at me, his eyes wide. I can see the concern on his face, he looks terrified.
"Hey are you guys okay?" Kalani walks up to us
"Ya fine, sorry I just really don't feel good" I say, needing some space to think about things.
"Kai could you drive me home?" I ask, Dylan's face drops.
"Sure" he nods.
"You to Dylan?" Kai asks
"No, you guys go ahead I'll catch a ride with someone else" he says hands in his pockets. I should tell him to come with, but no words come out of my mouth. I follow Dylan out of the ginormous house, my mind playing the kiss on loop. The drives quiet and the feeling of Dylan's lips on mine buzz's through me. He finally pulls into my driveway.
"Thanks for the ride" I say opening the door
"No problem, maybe we could go surfing soon?" He asks, I nod and hop out. I rush to my room, needing to go over everything I found out today. I burrow under my blankets. Dylan and I kissed, and I liked it. A lot. I go over the events in my head. Why didn't he tell me sooner? I remember how he started acting weird after that night, he would start saying something then stop. I place my arm over my eyes blocking out everything around me. His face tonight looked so hopeless, it makes guilt wrap tightly around me.
...
"Is it bad that I want to keep going?" I ask him now tucked into bed. He's looking up at the ceiling. I catch myself staring at his bare chest. Watching it rise and fall.
"I think you're drunk" he smiles , turning slightly to me.
"Hey I'm not that drunk" I hiccup, making him laugh.
"Sure" he mumbles in response. I shift closer to him, placing my hand on his chest. I let my fingers trace his chest lightly, Up and down.
"I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you, I wasn't even thinking about Kai" I whisper feeling vulnerable but oddly courageous. He looks down at me, a confused look on his face.
"Let's see in the morning" he mumbles his eyes unbearably soft. He shifts placing thumb on my cheek tracing it lightly. I shift placing my head on his chest.  I fall asleep quickly, feeling safe, and happy.
...