イタズラな KISS ~3 ✔

INK3-8

Epilogue Eight: Burden (Part Two)

"What are you thinking, Kotoko?"

Irie-kun asked while we were walking home.

I kind of jolted again to my own feet, leaving my eyes on the ground, "Did I space out again? Did you say something? Did I miss something?"

I followed all the questions I could muster.

I don't know why I kinda kept on spacing out. I can't get it out of my head for a while.

I hope it was only a dream. It was only a dream... I hope hearing that to Kato-sensei was only part of my imagination. I hope I misheard it. I am stupid right? It should work out. Maybe I mislead it to something serious. But why I didn't feel it? Why my stupidity had failed me now?

Why?

"No," he abruptly answered as he put his eyes on the road, "It's not like you to be this silent. Is there something troubling you? Did you mess up again?" he asked and let a tiny teeny smile again, he sounded like he kind of imagined the mess I made this day.

I slid my hand on him as we walked together and immediately wrapped it. Irie-kun ended his work early today and I was so glad that we could have a walk together. When we are going home together, neither of us would want to take the train. Irie-kun and I have always liked to walk. It feels so good to feel the night's fresh air and to glance at the moon's face every night.

"I didn't! I was just thinking of something..." I honestly answered.

I wish I could say it to you, Irie-kun. I wish I have all the guts to share this burden with you. But I don't want to risk everything that I have, not even your dream. It must be better to keep it that way. I could no longer endure of hurting you in the end.

"Baka. What is it? Are you planning something again?" he teased and I thought he is used to all my stupid plans and nonsense dreams.

He knows me... he accepted me wholeheartedly. He loved all my flaws. He... understands me even if I always provoke him. He never complained if I am acting like a bad wife to him. And because of that... I cannot give any of this to him. I can't let him be a burden for all his life.

"I was just thinking, not particularly but... did you ever wonder why I can't call you by your name?" I asked and laughed to keep it light, "I mean... I still call you Irie-kun even though we are already married for years. It's kinda frustrating, right? I wish I could call you by your name, Irie-kun." I lowered my head on the ground. I felt my cheeks blushed.

He pulled my hand when he ceased, he looked around the streets and when he found out that there was only two of us walking, he turned his head on me and sighed, "Baka." he expressively said it and then paused for a while, "I don't care about it. I'm already used to it, Kotoko. Why are you thinking about that?" he drawled in his lazy tone.

I didn't mind looking at him in the eyes, I feel so much embarrassment. It only occurred to me right now how he feels when I kept on blabbering his name all around, calling him Irie-kun when in fact I already became an Irie too. He must have been embarrassed all the time.

"But... it is weird right?" I finally dare to look at him and I quickly met his gaze.

Every time I look at him, he never failed to amuse me with the little fire residing in his eyes. "It's weird to be proud of saying that I am the wife of the number one glass removing doctor in Japan and the most handsome genius in the world," I slightly sniffed but I prevented it.

"Are you being emotional because of your pregnancy?" he curiously asked.

"It's not. I just thought about it... I just thought that maybe I wasn't the one for you. Even if things between us seemed to work out but the truth is, it didn't. I am a failure, Irie-kun. I always..."

He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, it lasted for more seconds but it feels like forever.

My goodbye kiss...