イタズラな KISS ~3 ✔

One Shot-12

One-Shot 12: Life in Kobe (Part Two)

I don't know how I can understand him. I want to understand him. I am his wife... that's my role... that's what I am aiming for... to arrive at the time where he needs someone to support him.... to be able to stand by his side. And this is the time... but I... yelled at him, got mad at him when I first heard it...

It's because Irie-kun never considered my feelings. He never. He never had been on my shoes... he will never know how much I love I am feeling for him. I can't measure it myself. Probably, even if he is a declared genius... he would never measure it... because he never knew how much I love him. He never hear me out, he never sees me like the way I see him, he never touches me like the way I touch him, he never misses me whenever I am not around. He had no idea how much he frustrates me.

I love him this much... I love him until my heart aches.

"Do you expect me to wait until you become a nurse and then go to Kobe?"

I want him to wait for me. I want him to choose me wherever he will go. Right. At that moment, I want him to say the words I needed to hear. That was all I wanted but... he blew it out. I got mad. I know I should understand him first then... go berserk. But... I had feelings at that time. There's no time that I stop wishing that he'll love as much as I love him. But right now, he made it clear.

What's the purpose of him leaving me behind? Did he get tired of me? He wants me to stay here. We are already married. And I am one of those believers that a married couple should stay forever. And unlike me, he doesn't believe it. He doesn't see why should we always be together.

He brought upon that idea to himself without even consulting me. He never thought about my feelings. Didn't he know it all this time? I love him so much that it hurts to be apart from him. He should know that. I made it perfectly clear. Since high school... since the day that I first saw him... my heart flutters... and now it's aching because he's leaving... he's leaving me behind. I was the one who truly loves him. I was the one who keeps on chasing him... and I could chase him wherever he will go... if only he permits me. But he wanted me to stay behind, to suffer from the thought that I can't be in the same place as his. It's like the gap has been there... and Irie-kun never closed it. He was further walking... walking... away from me.

I look at our wedding photo. I feel happy whenever I see it because it looks good with the picture frame that I bought. But right now, I kind of hate it. I kind of hate it... when in fact... all this time, in our marriage, I am the only one who's trying. But I can't do it anymore. I want him to try for us too. It's for the both of us... and for him to explain the reason why he married me... I want to know the other reason, not the reason that I had in my mind... why Irie-kun married me? Is it because it's easy for him to leave me behind?

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I woke up in the morning with no energy even if yesterday, I've slept so well. I should just feel fine but my soul is somewhere out there. This is not the usual me... but whatever I will do to cheer myself up, every time I attempted to be strong, I failed. I don't know where is my source of power anymore, it's been drained up lately.

"Kotoko-chan! You didn't eat again last night! Don't be like that! That's bad for your health." Now, I made Oka-san worry. I can't help it. I have no appetite lately. I smiled at her, and I am hoping that smile would hide everything I feel inside, the pain and everything that cut me out... "Oka-san, good morning." but my tone fell to be tasteless. It's so tiring to curve up a smile. "I know it's hard for you but... you can talk about it with Ni-chan. You can still convince him," she said. I bit my lip, "I... don't want to talk to him. I felt embarrassed. I know the way I spoke that night I... seemed like an unsupportive wife to him. I'd be easy if we're like this until the day of his leave." I said. "Kotoko-chan... you are his wife, I'm sure he will listen to you," my mouth hung open. I don't remember a thing that there was a time that Irie-kun listens to me... or even considered me.