イタズラな KISS ~3 ✔

#What if-10

What If Series Ten: I Never Have... (Last Part)

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The flower that bloomed in the spring fell in love...

I wish to remember only laughter and smiles in the streets.

We... used to be in love... until happiness lasted only that part.

The flower looked up so desperately and laughed.

... had turned to be that flower which smells like gunpowder.

Me...

***

"They say, I am special. The truth is... there's nothing special to have led a common life which I used to share it with someone I loved. There will be no one to remember the vast feelings that I still feel for her. It's still right there... buried deep inside my heart... and now I can say... the years that I've spent, seems so clearly small to my desire of wanting to meet her again. And so, everyone has already forgotten about it, they also lead their common life... and I know, somehow... my name will never cross to your lips... but I have been keeping that promise. I will love you with all of my heart."

***

The sun has come down as I decided to take another stroll for just the time being. Thoughts of the past came back to me when the glorious sunshine touches my skin. I smiled, for it reminded me that I am still alive and reliving those memories in my mind. The breeze is getting cold... but I feel so warm like I used to. I walked myself in a small patio towards the house, facing the sunflowers that I never forget to water this morning. Well, it's been twenty years since I bought this house. With all nothing that I have, which is, my everything had almost turned to nothing, I never forget to keep my promise. It made me feel like I... still have the words... I still remember those times when we planned to have it someday and just... just the right moment, fate forbade it. It's not that I am against fate... the strong will of life, it's just that... I know, there is still something I can do with my life. Maybe, it's impossible but maybe I can change the direction of the wind.

My life is not easy to explain. It's not boring... it's also not spectacular. To have been people around you who give you only troubles and excitement, I think it's just the right taste. The sweetness is still in my lips whilst, it tasted very bitter now. I have been resenting my life for such it was a big failure, for such it's unlawful to take something so perfect that I settled myself with... But I realized, it's just so immature to resent it without knowing that somehow I made that to happen. I made this cycle. To add, it's not that bad to think from someone else's mind... they always said that I have been too successful for all of my life, I made much money enough... I can love anyone I want. I can always get everything I need for a lifetime but they don't know that there is still something I want to have but couldn't. And maybe, if they knew what it was, they can always say that I am still too young... and it's never been too late to try again, to search again but for all of my life, I've seen so many disastrous and wonderful sceneries in just one experience, in just one touch, in just one person. And I can't just start again... because for it will never be the same, there's nothing that can make me replace it... it's still there... she's still there in my heart... and no matter how long could I keep on searching for her... well, she's gone... she's not gone literally... because I know I saved a little part of her in my chest but now, I could conclude that there's no more searching... because the search is finally over.