イタズラな KISS ~3 ✔

#What if-8

What If Series Eight: Forget You

Have you ever wake up and something's got to find you the reasons why you woke up?

When my eyes turn to slit... I flickered them each time until the light above reached me. Like there's nothing in my mind... like everything so damn new to me and I couldn't even find the answers while looking at my hands. I kept my silence... for I was really in trouble of finding out for myself. I'm feeling so stiff each time I unconsciously move my fingers. I tried to open my mouth but there are no words that could make a sound of it. I guess... I guess... well, maybe, I don't belong here. That I might be just somebody who was supposed to be not here but looks, here I am. My eyesight wasn't perfectly stationed... but as I wait, the signs were so clear to me. I don't know what gotten here... it made me so confused. I looked at the guy who was constantly holding my hand... and somehow, I gazed up to his eyes and was hoping maybe that I could punch out of answers by looking at him. But all of it was mysterious. He let go of my hand and he stepped back... and I saw a ghost of his smile playing back to this kind of odd situation and... and I want to ask it over... about all the things that came up to me. I don't understand it. I don't. But the way he let go of my hand, I knew from something deep within me, it means so much to me.

Somehow, all of it was vague and not clear for me to understand. The flash opening of the door and the noises that happened to occur near me had created certain pains in my head which I can't even understand even more. The words crumbled up from above my head and all of them fell at one place when the man in the white coat said to me, "You're finally awake," I ridiculously crooked my brows and I found it was pretty serious. And what? "W-why I am here?" finally after a long moment of contemplating... I guess, I found the right words to react to this first-time scenario. He took a long sigh and I was as furious as I watched his lips doubtfully drawling the words I wanted to hear, "You have been sleeping for months... due to a serious car accident..." he said and all of it lingered in my ears. And I said to myself... a car accident? And honestly, I thought to myself when did I ever have a car accident? I don't remember being hit by a car or what... and then... along with the series of questions, I need to ask him. I looked at the guy beside us who was watching as closely as he could, and somehow... after realizing a few moments... I asked in my mind, what am I doing here? And who I am by the way? "C-car accident?" I mumbled in my most confused state, "Hai, you're in the hospital to be better," he added my kind of frustration. "Ja, who are you?" I wanted to hear that answer if it rings a kind of bell to me. "I am your doctor, you can trust me..." the only thing he answered. And the bomb exploded as I stared at the white walls all around me and the wires and cables all over on my body and the monitoring machine that's constantly beeping.... and I... I don't know how to react to this kind of situation I am in when in fact, I really don't understand how did I get into this... "Anyway, you can tell me anything. I know it's been hard for you but I'm here to listen to it. I wanted you to recover fast..." he continued and caressed my hand in a gentle stroke which didn't make me feel any better. Well, I'm almost about to throw pillows up because of this kind of pain that I couldn't even find the words to describe.

And I figured out that I kind of lost my memory... but I knew... some fragments have still in me. I just have to carefully look at it. But why? Why did that man over there let go of my hand?

.

.

.

.

.

"Your name is Irie Kotoko." the doctor came in to do my memory exercise. I counted the days I spent in the hospital since the time that I woke up and it's my third day. "Okay, let's try again," he said and straightened up his position. I deeply breathed, "Okay." I was about to ready to go. "Do you remember anything?" he asked that question for the third time today. I paused, trying to think clearly... trying to know what's hidden behind those questions. I must figure it out on my own. "I still don't," I answered quickly. "You have to think about it so deeply... you don't have to answer so quickly. Think about it before you got here. I know there's still something left that you could maybe work it out." and then I closed my eyes once again... the jet dark of black appeared as I was trying to figure out the things I wanted to know. I want to picture out some images... even if it's distorted... I just need some captured faces that I must start with... but there's still no. "I don't have anything... I don't know how to say but..." I tried to explain things out. "It's okay. You are not ready to hear things out. Look, what's your name again?" he asked that question for the second time. "Irie Koto...ko? I supposed you said that is my name." and I tilted my head for a while, "Is that really me?" I asked bluntly. "Yes, of course, it is you. Do you have something left that made you say that?" he put his pen down and looked into my eyes, "I really don't think so that is me." I admitted. "I mean, that doesn't sound like it is me. I don't have a feeling to have had that name." and he slipped out a picture in his clipboard and showed it to me, "This is you. Do you remember wearing this nurse uniform? And let me say, you are a nurse before you got into an accident." he added. I took the picture and watched it closely. I also took the mini mirror beneath my pillow and had a look into my face. And I don't know anymore. "This is me. But I really don't remember anything. I really don't know how to react on this... and the fact that I am a nurse." and he pulled my hands and held it firmly, "Look, I really have tons of information to say to you but I really can't disclose it all. You need to think about it for yourself. You need to work it out. You need to work hard. I know this might be so hard for you but you need to cope up with anything you missed. You can't go on empty-handed. You must at least remember."