イタズラな KISS ~3 ✔

Irie Yuki - 1.2

Irie Yuki 2: Oh My Stomach Tied In Knots

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This is the first time that I spent the time to myself. And the uncertainty feeling that's in my heart gives me an uprising purge that I can't even handle by myself. It's cold. It's cold inside... the sun shining above doesn't even know how to pierce something so deep within. Why am I doing this? This feels like running away. Maybe Kotoko was right. But I don't want to get even points to that. I just want to get free but I am missing something else. And dammit... I know the answers but I doubt it. I feel more than crazy. These hands... the hopes I put onto my hands... are useless... I don't even know what to do.

Oh, my stomach's tied in knots, I'm afraid of what I'll find if you wanna talk tonight?

I saw some familiar stores across the street and yeah, I remembered something. Konomi and I visited there to buy some kinds of stuff for Kotomi. I remembered she was giggling... and her cheeks blushed. I remembered she touched my hand and it was so cold... so cold. I thought I should give her something but I lost hope of it. Maybe, If I was given time right now... I would give her anything. But wait... I could give her something right? I don't want to give her the luxury but... I feel like I must do. Why is it like this? Why am I thinking this way? I have thought of marrying her but right now, I kinda feel that it has changed. I don't know what I am going to do now. I thought... marrying her may not be the best because as I thought... I am not deserving. I am such a fool.

See the problem isn't you, it's me I know I can tell, I've seen it time after time?

How did Oni-chan get through this? Did he also have these kinds of thoughts?

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"Look! That's Irie Yuki! He looks so handsome!"

"So-so! He's gotten taller! He looks so cool!"

And I'll push you away, I get so afraid, oh, no.

"Ne... I bet, Sagawa Konomi is her girlfriend. Do they look like one?"

"I don't think so. Sagawa-san just throwing herself to him. Ja, they didn't look like a couple to me."

"So the Irie Yuki fan club has a chance?"

And I can't live without you now, I can't even live with myself.

"Hai! Of course!"

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Dammit.

I crossed the street and went inside the store to buy something for her. I remembered she likes bears and sweets but I don't know which one to choose. I am not even good at this. Looking at the red-clothed teddy bear makes me think of her smile. My mind made up. I will buy this.

"Will you buy this for your girlfriend, Sir?" the store staff asked me.

I clutched my head and looked away...

And I can't live without you now, and I don't want nobody else.

"Uhm... Ano..." I pretended to swallow like there's a lump in my throat.