イタズラな KISS ~3 ✔

INK3-10

Epilogue Ten: Burden (Part Four)

I went upstairs after that just to tell Yuki to eat breakfast before leaving. When I confirmed that he is coming down, I took a step towards our room, knowing that Irie-kun might be getting dressed for work. I knocked on the door three times and swiftly went in and saw him setting his tie. Before he could finish it, I took it and let myself do the work.

When I finished doing that, I pushed all the remaining courage to talk to him for the last time.

"Uhm, I'm embarrassed about what I did earlier. I'm sorry for deciding without knowing you ahead. I'm sorry for ruining a doctor's schedule for this week. Don't worry, I will tell Funatsu-kun to cancel that. Please forgive me, Irie-kun." I said slowly.

"I hope saying sorry made you understand my profession. I did not become a doctor for you to drag me whenever you want to, Kotoko." he took his case on his desk and went towards the door.

"I know that... that's why I am ashamed right now. I'm sorry for acting such a bad wife once again. I will never do it again! I promise!"

I acted with determination even though the wall inside of me was breaking down.

I will never do this again. I know, I'm being a nuisance to you. You have been experiencing bad days since the day that we met and I wished I had never chased you to hell... Then you could be happy with someone else. You could have met some smart woman that matched for you... that would help you in your work.

I always thought to help you with all my heart but it turns out that I became a nurse for nothing.

That's why, I promise to leave you with peace, Irie-kun. It's so sad to watch us being so distant like this but on the other side, it's a good time to leave. I cannot give you any trouble. I won't be getting into your work again. I won't mess you up again.

I won't...

Before he pulled the door, he gave me a last glance, "I'm going." he said and went away.

Yes, I'm going...

Tears came rushing down after the door clicked. I break down inside the room, with my hands on my face trying to stop the tears falling from my eyes. I don't know how much time I spend crying all alone in the room... I just walked out of the room when I made sure that I do not look devastated.

I saw them happily eating in the dining room. Oto-san was there too, complaining about my food. Yuki-kun glared on me and stuck out his tongue. Oto-san (My father in law) was inviting me over to join them. Oka-san was telling me that Irie-kun has already left and I just gave them a reassuring smile before I told them goodbye with an alibi that I am going to shop for some clothes for the baby.

I took a happy picture of them in my memory for the very last time. I am so happy that I grew up with this family. I'm so happy to have them. But as I say, I won't take that happiness. I won't trouble them with my burden. I don't want them to feel miserable for me and my baby for their entire life. Our disease has no cure, it will going to take forever.

I wish them more love and happiness...

Goodbye, Minna-san.

I secretly put my goodbye letter on the desk beside the picture of Irie-kun and I. I got out of the main door with a heavy heart. And before I could lose sight of the house, I took a glance at it for the last time. I will remember this in my heart even if I will forever be locked in darkness.

My feet took me to the train station afterward. Even though I had a plan on leaving today, it was still unsettled. I don't know where to go... I don't know what place where they can no longer find me. Should I go to Okinawa? I know Irie-kun and I have gone to Okinawa but I was thinking right now that it could be better for my baby to grow up in a place where there's a sea that we can look forward to.