everything I didn't say

one

I hear thumping around downstairs and know my mom is awake. Shit.

I was hoping I could wake up extra early, finish packing, and leave without her tears and her hour long goodbyes. She doesn't want me leaving for college so far away, but I've gotta get away from her and this town. As far away as possible.

"Leah? Are you up yet?" She calls. 

"Yeah, I'm up!" I reply. I look around my room for things I may have forgotten. Nothing catches my eye so I shut my door and head down the hall. She waits for me in the kitchen, hair wild from sleep and draped in a robe. I laugh at her appearance. 

"Are you leaving now?" She asks, almost sad. I know as well as she does that she can't wait to get me out of here. "Yeah, right now." I say, giving my bag a light shake so she gets the picture. She advances for me and gives me a tight hug. I gently hug her back and dart out the door as soon as she releases me.

"I love you!" She calls and I yell an 'I love you too' back at her. Too bad dad wasn't home to say goodbye too.

 I open the door and to my dismay, Luke is leaning on the wall next to the front door.

"What are you doing here, Luke?" I ask, walking past him and not looking up. 

"I came to tell my girlfriend goodbye before she leaves for college." He says, pacing after me quickly. I try my best to avoid him but he is by my side instantly. 

"I'm not your girlfriend." I snap. He chuckles. "Excited for college?" He ignores my comment because he truly does believe that he is my boyfriend, which he is not. 

"Yeah, mainly excited to get the hell away from you and everyone else." I say, swinging my arm up and throwing my bag into the back seat of my car through the rolled down window. When I bring my arm back, he grabs my wrist tightly, a gesture he does way too often. He brings his face close to mine and I turn away in disgust, peeling his hand from me.

He is taken aback by me, and raises his eyebrows. He puts his arms up in a defensive manner and steps away from my car. I open the front seat and step in. He grabs the top of my door before I can shut it.

"I'll miss you." He says. I start shutting my door and he gets the picture to move his hand away. I slam my door and start my engine. 

"Goodbye, Luke." I say, pulling out of the driveway. I see in my rearview that he is staring motionless. God, it feels good to be getting away from him.

***

The seven hour drive to my new apartment drags on forever. But as soon as I cross the border between Arizona and Califoria, I get very anxious. This is good for me, and everything will be fine. I pull into the massive campus of The University of California Los Angeles at quarter past four, a little later than I had expected.

I go into one of the many buildings, and get my student ID, get registered, my schedule, everything I need. I then find my way to my new apartment. It's a bit big for me, with an extra bedroom, but it will be fine. Classes don't start for another week, but I figured I would need that much time to settle in to my apartment and find my way around campus.

It's big here, really big. I unhaul all of my things from my car to the apartment. Thankfully there are elevators and I don't have to fool with dozens of staircases.

Once I put away my clothes, put sheets on the bed I'll be sleeping in, and put away what decorations and homey things I brought along, I shoot my mom a text and tell her I'm here and unpacked. She doesn't reply and by the time its eight I decide to go out and get dinner. Tomorrow I'll have to buy some food. 

I find a small diner near by and pull in. It looks cozy and it doesn't look crowded. I take a seat at a small booth and my waitress comes by shortly. She's a girl, probably my age, with light blonde hair tossed up in a messy ponytail. Her ears are pierced from the bottom all the way up and she has dark, dark eyes. I place my order and she makes small talk in between her stopping by. When she brings out my food, I look up and realize that nobody's in the diner but me. 

"Are you closed?" I ask her. 

"Yeah, just waiting for you to finish." She says. She seems like she has an accent, I just can't put a finger on where from.

She sits across from me and the booth and begins chattering away. I don't mind, I like to listen. I find out she is a student starting this semester too. Her name is Julie.

She lives on campus in the dorms but her roommate hasn't arrived yet, and she's in a relationship with a guy named Jared. When she asks about me I don't say much. I just tell her that I'm nineteen and majoring in English. We actually end up having a few classes together; workshop in differential calculus and world religions. It will be nice to have a familiar face in at least two of my classes. Maybe she'll sit by me, who knows. I feel bad for holding up the diner though, so I decide to leave. Julie tells me she'll meet me in world religions, and I agree, leaving the diner.

The rest of the week falls by slowly, and by the time it's 7:00 on Monday morning, I'm barely prepared. I force myself out of bed, into the shower, and I get ready. I slip on a pair of dark jeans, and a plain blue sweater, and my black converse. I brush out my hair and my teeth, and get in my car. The warm breeze hits my face, I'll really have to get some lighter clothes.

I reach my first class a little before it starts, and grab a seat away from everyone else. They're all gathered into conversations with each other, they already must be friends. A nice boy with dark hair sits in front of me and turns around to talk occasionally. His name is Chase, and he is majoring in some form of Biology. The class ends quickly and my next class is one I have with Julie. She's already there so I sit right next to her. She smiles at me and begins to talk right away.

Her roommate finally came and she is awful, as Julie puts it. 

The professor walks in, he is a short man in a well tailored black suit, with a grey tie.

"Welcome to world religions." He smiles.

He begins his lesson immediately. I've already got my notebook open and speeding through notes trying to catch everything he's saying. "Damn, he's going so fast!" Julie whispers to me. I nod but continue writing. Class eventually ends and he assigns us to read some in our books. I love reading, so it shouldn't be a problem at all.

"Want to grab some lunch?" Julie asks, and the grumbling noise that is my stomach answers for me. I agree and volunteer to drive us there. She directs me to a small cafe a few minutes from campus. We walk in, and Julie begins talking. I mainly listen, again.

"I want a new roommate." She says. "The first thing she does when she comes in? Breaks out a cigarette and starts smoking. Only to get caught by our hall advisor, too." I laugh, I'm not even dumb enough to smoke on campus, or in a dorm room. 

"Why don't you just get a new dorm?" I suggest, taking a bite of my pasta. She sighs. "I can't. The only rooms left are triple occupancy rooms and I can not share a room with two other girls, one of them is bad enough." I nod along.

"What are you gonna do?" I ask. She shrugs. 

Her roommate is a sophomore and her major is "undecided". My mom would kill me if I was in my second year of college and I hadn't picked out a major yet. 

"Who does that?" I laugh. 

"I don't think she's really like that, to be honest. I think she just wants me to think she's some independent stoner or some shit. You should've seen her face when she pulled out the cigarettes, she basically threw them at me just to show me she had them. And there is a mini fridge, that I brought, I might add, that she filled with a bunch of booze and god knows what else." I laugh with her. She really does sound awful.

Julie's phone starts buzzing on the table. "It's Jared," she says. "Do you mind if I take this?" She asks. This might give me a little time to call my mom and tell her about my first day. I grab my phone out and dial her number. She doesn't answer, I'm not surprised, so I leave her a voicemail.