everything I didn't say

thirty six

I arrive home and storm in, stomping around to Julie's room, furious.

The door opens and I give her a stare. She doesn't question me, she knows she is busted with handing out information on when Niall could see me.

"Did he drop by?" She says in a very quiet tone. My stare answers for me.

"I'm sorry!" She exclaims. "He was desperate to see you and I didn't know what to do!"

I throw my hands up in frustration, tugging at my hair, not knowing what to say back to that.

"What did he say?"

I don't know if I should tell her the whole truth. "Nothing important." I say instead.

"Can I make it up to you?" She smiles hopefully. I watch her for a second, her smiles stays the same and I don't want to be mad at her any longer. "What do you have in mind?"

"Let's go out!" She squeals. "We can dress up and go to a club or something, find you a decent man!" She jokes, but I know she really does want to go out. I don't have plans, and I could have fun. I've been stressed as hell recently, this night can help. I nod, "sounds fun."

Julie invited Gillian, and even invites Ali. This doesn't surprise me, we have still remained friends through this mess. She hangs out with us frequently, but I think her and Julie have become closer than her and I ever could've been.

We meet up with the two girls, after Julie dresses me up and does my makeup to fit the occasion. We eat dinner at some italian restaurant that Gillian said is life changing, and it was decent but not the best. Julie and Ali were mesmerized by the different choices of pasta though.

The club we go doesn't ask for I.D's when they let us in, which I figured they would since we are all under twenty one. Julie and Ali both go straight for the bar while Gillian and I find seats. Gillian reassures me that if I want to have a fun night tonight, I have to try the drinks she orders for me. Skeptical from her life changing italian restaurant that didn't impress me, I just smile and look away instead of responding.

Julie brings back four glasses of a clear drink, but I keep my rejecting thoughts on low volume. I don't listen to them as I take a drink, surprisingly enjoying it. Maybe. A little bit. Okay, I don't like it very much but I take a second drink anyways. It gets easier the more I drink and I don't have the aftertaste of it by the time my glass is empty.

Julie hands me the rest of hers, saying she doesn't like it and will try something else instead. I finish her half full glass.

An hour later I want to dance. I drag Ali to the dancefloor with me, Gillian and Julie both disappeared. We dance with two random guys we see and the taller guy kisses Ali, and she shoves him away and storms off. Sometimes I forget she's still dating Jonathon.

I'm left alone on the dancefloor with the guy who is my new dance partner. He puts his hand on my leg and I don't push it away. He puts his other hand on my waist and pulls me closer into him. The looks I'm getting from a few other girls makes me step away from him only a little bit. 

"You okay?" He breathes behind me, making me realize what I'm doing.

"Yeah." I say, turning around towards him. The song in the club changes and its a slower, non danceable song. "Come on, let me buy you a drink." He offers and I agree, making my way over to the bar.

He orders some fancy drink and gets one for me as well, not letting me decide. Is this how hitting on strangers works? God I don't get out enough.

"So, what's your name?" He asks me.

"Leah." I shout over the voices.

"I'm James." He smiles when the drinks arrive. He holds his glass up for a 'cheers' motion and I clink my glass to the side of his, laughing. It's fruity and it burns my throat as it goes down, I cringe but drink the whole thing.

"Another round?" He offers and I take it with a smile.

Another round turns into four more rounds, until the bartender told us to take a break. I'm embarrassed at first, but when the attractive guy with me takes my hand, leading me away from the bar, I get over it.

He takes me back to the dancefloor, where I finally spot Julie in the middle on a table.

"Julie!" I shout and she spots me with a booming laugh.

"Le- Leah?" She says, which cracks me up. She hops down, stumbling, and makes her way over to me. She has a drink in hand, and I take a sip of it.

"Having fun?" She asks and I nod more than once. She giggles. 

"Where's Gill and Ali?" I ask and she points to her right. 

I look and see the two girls sitting at the table, neither look happy. I go to them, and Julie takes over my spot dancing with Jasper. No, no.. James.

"Hey." I say, sitting in the booth on the side opposite of them.

"Hey." They say at the same time, which makes me giggle. I laugh a lot.

I look at Ali and she seems grumpy, who knows why. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"Jonathon isn't answering his phone, and we need a ride home. We've all had drinks tonight so it isn't safe." She says as the voice of reason. Why didn't I think of that? 

"What about Chase?"

"He's busy. I already tried."

"We'll call a cab." Ali says, and we all nod. 

I get a massive headache after that, and I take an ibuprofen I always store in my purse. The music gets quieter and I rest my head on the table, and I fall asleep.

 --

I think an alarm clock goes off, because a beeping noise wakes me up and I open my eyes to a bright ass sun peaking through white curtains, kicking in my headache bright and early.

I hope I didn't let some annoying drunk take me home last night, I hope I had the respect for myself to stay put in the club with my friends.

Of course I didn't, I sit up and see a hotel room, with one bed and no other occupants, but the sheets on the other side are messed up and the pillow is worn in, someone slept beside me last night. I hate myself.

I hear water running in the bathroom, my stranger must be showering.

I take this time to slip out of the sheets, I'm fully dressed head to toe. No drunk stranger would have the decency to dress me afterwards, so I have high hopes nothing happened.

The hotel room is also surprisingly clean, not trashed, so that's also a good sign. I search around for my purse, and find it in a chair. My phone's dead, so that's lovely. The water in the bathroom turns off, and I slowly begin to panic at who is gonna be there when the door opens.

They fiddle around in there, hopefully getting dressed, and I hear the door unlock. I sit on the bed when it opens, and they peak out. 

I cover my mouth so I don't scream and cause a scene, but it's really fucking hard.