everything I didn't say

thirty three

I've been blocking out all sadness and disappointment I've been feeling for the past three days. I blocked out the tears when I was fighting them so badly, I blocked out Niall's voice in my head reminding me of his departure, I even block out the feelings I get when I'm cleaning and I find one of his shirts under my sheets. 

I toss it to Julie and she agrees to find someway of returning it to him. That is if he hasn't already left. I'm sure he has though.

On day three, today, I went for a walk around the block after my classes were out. I ran into one of my classmates, a short boy, about my height named Daniel. Daniel is a senior and is in the dreadful math class I take here. He is majoring in some form of art, we aren't close enough for me to know it's specific title. 

He greets me and asks if he can walk with me, since he hates doing anything alone. I agree, not wanting to be rude, and not absolutely hating the idea of company.

"You know, we've had a class together this whole semester and I don't think we've ever had a decent conversation before." He laughs and I shrug. "I'm not too social, I guess."

"You know my dad talks about you all the time at home." He says. I've never heard a creepier statement in my entire life.

"Your dad?" I repeat, confused.

"Yeah, he said you're in his creative writing class and he's thinking about bumping you up into an advanced course." He smiles at me.

"Oh, Professor Small is your dad?" I gape. He chuckles, he probably thought I already knew that. He nods at me though.

"Yeah, he thinks you're gonna be a great writer one day."

"Wow, tell him I said thanks. He is a great teacher."

"Will do. He also told me you know Niall Horan, that true?" He asks, his dark curls falling slightly into his eyes. He pushes them out of his way.

I truly will not understand how I can never escape Niall's grip.

"I do. Do you know him?" I ask. He nods his head.

"He was my classmate before the dumbass got himself kicked out." He laughs loudly. "We were pretty good friends."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. We had this group of us that all hung out. We all actually got caught that night, smoking on campus, but only Niall actually got busted. Me and Trevor got our asses out of there."

"Ahh, you're the group of bad friends he got involved with?"

He puts a hand on his chest jokingly. "That would be me."

"I heard he went soft though, doesn't do drugs or drink or party. He used to be so fun back then. He came up this game where we would-" He gestures his hands up to his chest again, signifying boobs.

"That's okay, I don't need to know." We laugh.

"So how do you know the dude?"

"He was my, uh.." I can't find the correct title for what Niall was.

"Boyfriend?"

I shrug. "Maybe? We never gave ourselves a title." I feel as if I'm lying to Daniel, but I don't know. He wasn't really my friend, you don't kiss and have strong feelings for your friends. But he never said I was his girlfriend, either, and we didn't go on dates.

"So, did you two break up or something?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Sorry to hear that, he wasn't ever really boyfriend material though so I totally understand that you dumped his ass."