everything I didn't say

twenty six

We go to his room and he almost instantly offers me a seat on his bed.

"No thanks." I decline.

It stays silent for a few seconds so I bite my lips together in the middle and look away.

"I broke up with Samantha." Niall blurts.

I turn to him instantly and narrow my eyes. "You what?" I question him.

"Broke up with her. A while ago, actually. I never told you."

"Why not? You could've avoided this whole fucking scene today."

He shrugs. "I don't know." I groan. "I don't Leah, I have no clue. I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid." I defend him to himself.

"Can we talk? Please?" He is practically begging me for forgiveness if I'd ever seen it, but I haven't. So I can only assume. I just sheepishly nod.

"I really like you." He says, consuming my thoughts. "I really liked you too." I say.

"Not past tense, I know you still do." He stands and moves toward me.

"You don't know anything." I look away from his gaze. He stops walking and doesn't move closer to me than where he stands. 

"Have you ever thought about what we've been through Niall? And we haven't even started dating yet." I shake my head.

"I tried not to think about that."

"Well think about it. It's more shit than most go through in a relationship, probably."

"All this drama and we've never went on a date," I add.

"We've been on dates."

"None that counts."

"That party didn't count?"

"That party was a diaster." I shake my head.

"The dates counted to me. Every single fucking one. I like you, a lot."

I shake my head again. Hear a car, my car, horn outside. "My car's fixed, I think."

"You broke down? Why didn't you tell me?" He walks toward me and seems genuinely concerned. 

"You were too busy smashing things against the ground." I mutter. "Speaking of, you'll have to get a new phone."

"It didn't break." He shrugs and grabs my arm.

"Don't be mad, can we go back to where we were?"

"Where were we?" I dare ask.

"Getting to know each other. Whatever it's called." I finally take a seat on his bed like he'd been asking me to. "You know, between liking each other and dating?"

"We're in college, not middle school."

"Doesn't mean dating without liking each other first is exceptable." He smiles. His voice and character remind me of a small child. I can't help but flush even the smallest smile.

"I lied to you because I'm shitty like we established, but if you'll make me a deal right now I can make a promise, no, a swear to never lie to you again." 

"What's the deal?" I shift my gaze to the handsome boy in front of me.

"We'll talk through this." His smile turns into a huge ass grin. 

"I will try to work with you." I do a smile in return. Not a smiling smile, but one you give if you see someone you know but don't talk to walking past you- you give them a tight lip, barely peaked, kinda there smile.