everything I didn't say

thirty five

Apparently Jared and Julie went out to dinner later the next night, but they are both shitty liars. I looked at Julie's laptop when she was showering and she so casually had the flight information for a arrival from Dublin, Ireland pulled up. 

I don't say anything to either of them, if they don't want me to know I will pretend like I don't.

I don't get why he decided to come back so randomly like he can just show up back in California the same way he disappeared from it.

Julie stays home the night he was supposed to arrive, she must've noticed my suspicion and broke down, telling me she had no idea it was happening until earlier, and that Jared planned the whole thing. She wholeheartedly promised he wouldn't come around here.

I read Julie's texts over her shoulder as she laid down near me on the couch, and Jared said Niall promised not to come anywhere near me. Julie types that she is gonna meet him tomorrow, and I look away when she glances up, pretending I wasn't reading them.

Julie says she is going to get groceries, and when she leaves, I glance into our freshly stocked fridge and laugh to myself at her lie. Lying is so pointless, can't she just own up to it?

She gets back and says she met up with him, telling me about their conversation about me where as she tells me, he only had nice things to say about me.

It's so strange how her and Niall used to carry the bad blood, and now it is him and I instead.

--

Two days after, I wake up early and get dressed for work. I put on my uniform of all black with a stupid apron. I straighten out the crooked name tag and plaster a fake smile. I arrive to the coffee shop fifteen minutes early, and I'm the only one working the counter today, Cheyenne's busy at work in the back. 

We have a slow start to the day, only two stragglers coming in before eleven. The morning rush picks up at noon, and Cheyenne has to come down to help me when a line grows of thirsty middle aged men and women.

I get my lunch break at one, where I just eat a sandwich and cookie from the shop in between orders. Our regular sized crowd forms at two thirty, with the normal five people sitting around in our tables and chairs and one person ordering at a time. I play some music throughout the shop, and luckily none of the customers object to it.

At three, only one person is in a chair on their laptop. I clock out in ten minutes so when they finish I get to leave. Unless a crowd breaks out and I have to stay and wait for the next shift to end, which I don't think will happen today. I grab a plastic cup and fill it up with the flavored ice tea I brewed earlier and fill it up for the ride home. The bell chimes again, hopefully only a single person and not a crowd. I'm ready for a nap.

I move to the cash register and push my employee pin number in to place an order. 

"Hello, may I take your order?" I say, knocking over the cups next to me with my elbow.

"I'll take a," the customer says. "um," I give them time, picking up all the dropped cups.

"strawberry lemonade?" They say as if they're questioning if that's what we have. They have a deep voice, it's a man forsure. "No, wait. Raspberry lemonade." I grab the last cup that rolled under the counter, standing up finally.

"Leah?" They say instead. I look up.

No fucking way.

"What size drink will that be?" I reply instead, punching in his order on my screen.

"Medium."

"That will be two ninety five." I say, with a fake smile I'm forced to wear for customers.

"Leah, you look really pretty." He smiles and I grab his money, opening up the register.

"Five cents is your change." I hand him the nickel, but he doesn't take it. I set it on the counter instead. 

"Name for the cup?" I ask, grabbing a plastic clear cup and a sharpie.

"It's me?" He says. I don't respond. "So, no name?" 

"Uh," he coughs awkwardly. "Niall." He says and I nod.

I turn my back to him immediately, letting out the longest sigh I've ever kept in.

I make his drink as fast as I can, placing the lid on wrong twice due to my hands shaking. I finally get it on, and the straw through the top. I wipe my hands on my apron before walking back over to the counter, handing him the drink.

"How much longer do you work? Do you wanna talk or something?" He says and the door opens with two more customers, a mom and her child, and I am relieved when Niall steps away from the counter so they can order. The mom just gets a regular coffee and an apple juice for the daughter. I hand the girl her pouch of apple juice from the cooler and pour the hot drink into the cup, handing it back to them. Unfortunately, they leave the shop directly following, and Niall stays sitting in his leather chair, watching me.

I panic and run to the back room, untying my apron and almost throwing it down with heavy breaths.

"Gosh, you look like you just saw a ghost." Cheyenne mocks as she walks in holding a rag in her hands.

"Have a good shift?" She changes the subject, finishing the last of her dishes.

"Uh, sure." I say, shaking my head.

"I don't get you." She laughs, walking out to take her shift at the counter. I grab my bag and clock out, hanging my apron up and getting my drink to take.

I walk out of the back, and Niall still sits, eyeing the door. I suck in a breath, and make my way out. He hops up from his seat, obviously waiting on me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's whatever." I say, adjusting my bag on my shoulder.

"So, how have you been?" He smiles his familiar smile and I force myself to look away.

"I heard you talked to Julie." I say, avoiding too much personal conversation.

"She told you about that? You two still close?"

"She's my best friend, of course she told me." I press the buttom that unlocks my car as we walk towards it, he makes no effort to not follow me.

"Well then, yeah, I did talk to her."

"You reached out to a lot of people it seems." I roll my eyes, hinting that he just so happened to not reach out to me.

"I heard you pretty much hated me now." He shrugs his shoulders, putting them into his pockets. 

I don't respond. I reach the drivers side of my car, opening it, and he grabs the doorframe, stopping it.

"Listen, please. Do you want to talk somewhere? We have a lot to talk about."

"I thought we just did?" I look forward to the windshield, putting the keys into the ignition.

"Then you thought wrong. That wasn't talking." He looks for something back from me that I do not give him. I ignore the begs his eyes give me and keep reminding myself that he left, not me.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me." He says, even though I only saw him today due to an accident. Unless of course he knew I worked today, I know I told him about this job.

Julie is the only person who knows my shifts. She told him.

"Then you thought wrong." I grumble, mimicing his own words from seconds prior. I give the door a tug and he lets go and backs away. I shut it, and speed away without looking in the rearviews to see his reaction.