everything I didn't say

twenty four

NIALL'S POV:

My phone buzzes on the counter for what seems like the thousandth time in the past hour. I'd be fine with it, if it were Leah calling. But of course, it isn't.

"What?" I say rather harshly into the receiver.

"Woah, nice to talk to you too." She laughs innocently in an almost obnoxiously sweet way.

"Sorry, sorry, I was expecting someone else." I only lie halfway. I was expecting someone else, Leah. "Who?" She asks me. "Just some classmate who borrowed my homework."

"Oh, okay." I bet she is smiling right now, I can hear it in her perky little voice. "Guess where I am?" I scratch the back of my head, checking the time on my watch. Leah probably already left.

"The mall?" I guess without a clue whatsoever.

"No!" Samantha shouts. "I'm in Garden Grove."

I have to ask her to repeat it twice before I actually process the idea that's she's here.

"Why?"

"God, could you sound at least a little more excited? You never come home to visit anymore so I thought I'd take some initiative and visit you myself." She sounds proud of herself.

Fuck.

"Are you like, on your way over or something?" I hesitate.

"I can come over whenever is okay with you." 

I can't tell her not to come. I can't tell her why I don't want her too either.

I don't even get why she came, she isn't my girlfriend anymore. We broke up the night Leah and I were at her apartment after my birthday party. I haven't told anyone that because I hadn't exactly planned on how to tell Leah. Samantha and I haven't talked much since the break up, a few phone calls here and there is all.  I don't really know why she thinks a surprise visit all of a sudden is okay. 

"Maybe in a bit, I'm not nearly ready." She agrees and hangs up.

The only thing I think to do at this moment is go to the kitchen and grab a beer.

When I finish one or two and I go upstairs again, I throw my phone on my bed, almost too hard. I need Jared for help, but he isn't here of course, so I'm stuck figuring this out on my own. After a few minutes of pacing around my room and letting out deep breathes, I grab my phone. Send Leah the most plausible lie I can create, I'm not feeling well. Inconvient as fuck I know, but hopefully it will make her stay home.

I send a text to Samantha letting her know she can come whenever.

I run back downstairs again, seeing a senior named Brett laying on the couch, shirtless and being lazy like every other day. "Brett!" I call, snapping him to focus.

"What?"

"You know that girl I've brought back here a few times?"

"The pretty brunette?" He smiles. I roll my eyes, refraining from a side comment.

"Yeah, her name is Leah. There might be a chance she is coming to see me today, even though I told her not to. Some shit came up. If she shows up, tell her she can't come in because I'm sick, that's what I told her. Got it?" I instruct the guy.

He nods. "Sure, but I doubt she'd come if she thinks you're sick."

"Girls won't even look at me and Niall's here blowing a good looking one off." Another roommate of mine, Jackson, comes out from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel, fresh from eavesdropping on us. I roll my eyes. "Ha ha, I'm not blowing her off. I just can't have her coming today." I look down at my phone, and she has read my text but not responded. I don't know if that's good or bad. A knock sounds at the door, probably Samantha, so I check the small peephole. It is her, so I let her in.

She spends about five minutes just hugging me and telling me how she misses me. I try to keep from prying her arms off around me even though it's difficult.

I'm such a dick.

I give her a short tour of the upstairs part of the house, but of course her curious little mind wants to see downstairs too, so I take her down. I show her the disgusting kitchen, and even the basement when she asks. I take her back up to the living area, where Brett is smirking at me like a fucking dumbass. 

We start making our way up the staircase, but a few sniffling sounds make me look up.

Fucking hell. Leah stares back down at me, angry, sad, and confused all at the same time.

"Leah, what are you uh, I thought you weren't coming?" I try my hardest not to sound like the liar that I truly am. She tosses a grocery bag at my feet. I think I see soup, movies, maybe other things and begin to understand this is because I told her I was sick. She brought me these things to make me cheer up and feel better.

She's too fucking good for me. I hate myself at this moment.

"You're feeling fine it seems, why'd you lie?" She asks me.

What could I say to her? My sort of girlfriend, sort of ex who I'm basically cheating on with you anyways is in town and she doesn't know you exist so I have to hide you from her!

I don't have words so I'm hushed. "Niall!" I hear Samantha giggle behind me. "Go!" Her small arms pushes on my back to make me go up the stairs, but I barely budge. She sticks her head out from around my shoulder and calls Leah something stupid like a roadblock or some shit.

"Hey, wait!" Samantha points to the shirt that Leah has on. It's a ucla sweatshirt that I've never seen before. "I just saw you at the gas station. What a coincidence." She laughs.

Leah tries to smile but it comes out as a hateful grin. A fake laugh follows and I try to make a laughing sound that comes out as a sarcastic snort. "Even I can see how fake that was." I shake my head, acting isn't Leah's forte.

Both girls shoot me glares, and Samantha's warns me like I'm a child.

"Say something." I say to Leah. The thoughts are spinning in her head and the silence is more exhausting than having the thrill of her screaming at me. "I know you want to." I add.

"Now is not the time for you to be acting like this." She scolds me. In response I take a step up the stairs, getting closer to her. "Acting like what?" I egg her on. I step closer again.

I almost wish with the proximity between us that she'd kiss me. She'd prove to herself and to me that she's never cared about all the shit that comes with me, including the small brunette with wild eyes behind me. I know what a ridiculous thought it is, she would never do that. She has a kind heart who won't out another girl this way. 

The way her face twists in disgust as she looks in my eyes makes me remember why I had tried to keep her out today to begin with. I'm going to fucking kill Brett.

She wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. When she makes a break past me down the stairs again, the irrational and larger part of me doesn't chase her.

It just grabs my phone from my pocket, the only destructable thing I can reach and slams it onto the floor. It doesn't shatter the way I had hoped it would for some reason, it just destroys the screen and cracks it a million different ways. 

I think I heard Jackson make some smartass comment to Leah before she slammed the door, and I think I heard an overexagerated scream come from Samantha too. 

"Niall, what the hell?" She tries not to scream but it's close to. Brett laughs from the couch and I run over to him first. I grab his shoulders and pull him up, gripping his shoulders tightly.

"What the fuck?" I yell at him, not even caring who is listening right now. 

"I told you not to fucking let her in and what do you do? The exact opposite!"

He pushes himself away from me. "She brought you stuff to feed onto your lie. You may be an ass but I'm not going to be too." I lunge at him, so infuriated, but Jackson grabs my wrist before I can get a good hit in. 

Jackson pushes me onto the ground, repeatedly telling me to calm down. Someone tells Sam to leave, and by the sound of her heels hitting the floor and the front door shutting, I guess she does.