everything I didn't say

eighteen

It's Sunday, and tomorrow is my last day of fall break before I return back to school. It's gonna be October soon, so that's one good thing right now. I look in the mirror when I enter the bathroom, and I wash my face. I take a quick shower and feel refreshed once I get out. I throw my messy hair out of my face. 

I think of things I can do today. Moping around being sad or pissed off wouldn't get me anywhere. I remember that I don't really have any friends, and I scold myself again for not really making any. I do think of texting my classmate and maybe even new friend Chase, since I saved his number when he gave it to me in class last week. I send him a text, asking about his plans, and hope to myself he gets back to me soon. Julie's in her room, I can hear her snoring and don't bother to wake her up.

I turn the t.v on, maybe a rerun of a good show will be on. I flip through all the channels and when I find nothing, I settle on a movie called 27 dresses that seems familiar, but I don't think I've ever actually seen. I watch some, in between eating some breakfast, and my phone vibrates on our small coffee table. 

I'm not doing anything, want to hang out? 

Chase replies and I tell him yes. We agree to meet at his apartment, he says his roommate isn't home and is spending break with his family. 

"She ends up ditching the boss and getting with the reporter." I hear in the doorway, interrupting me from my movie. Julie smiles wide in the doorframe, amused at how into the movie I've gotten without realization. 

"Thanks for ruining the ending." I grumble to her, even though I could've predicted that easily. She nods in return. "That's a classic chick flick, why haven't you ever seen it?" He walks into the kitchen in her pajamas and I leave the couch to follow, now uninterested in my ruined movie. 

"I don't know, I guess I just didn't have the dvd at my house." I shrug and set my empty glass of orange juice in the sink. Julie pours a bowl of some cereal and sits down. "No milk?" I ask her and she shakes her head. "Ew." She makes a fake retching sound and I realize I never noticed how she's never used milk for anything.

"How was your weekend?" I ask her, curious to where she went.

She nods. "Good." She takes a bite of her cheerio's. "Went to Hannah's house." She has her mouth full and I laugh as she swallows and then apologizes.

"Hannah?" I ask, unsure of who that is. She nods. "One of the girls I work with, remember?" She takes a drink of a glass of water and I shrug my shoulders. I don't think she ever told me a name of her coworkers, just that I wouldn't like them and she hangs out with them often.

"How was yours?" She asks, and I debate actually telling her about it. I decide I will, how it all will get to her somehow anyways. "Bad, actually." I admit. She raises her eyebrows in request that I explain. I take a breath and begin.

"Niall's hiding a lot from me and I know there is more that he won't tell me. Hell, you're hiding stuff too but let's just focus on him for now. He is probably one of the sweetest people I've ever met, yet he's so secretive and he can go off like a bomb if I don't tiptoe about what I say. Plus I feel like I'm betraying this poor girl that is a perfect stranger to me and I don't know if I can keep this going." I trail off and sigh, waiting for Julie's reaction.

"Trying to understand all of this, you feel like you're betraying his girlfriend, right?"

I nod. "Not to be rude, Leah, but you really are."

"I know." I tell her and bury my face in my knees.

"So, what am I hiding from you exactly?" She stands and looks at me and smiles. She probably thinks I'm kidding but I'm not. This is serious to me.