Steady Breaths

W h y, W h y N o t

Archie's POV

"She's awake..."

That's all I heard. Anything else after that I couldn't hear over the joy that rung I my ears. I didn't need a list of injuries, I didn't need a run down on the surgery. I didn't need to hear anything else. She was alive and I could not care about anything else. In the hours that Veronica had been in surgery Kevin had come with food for us all. When she got out of surgery Cheryl and Toni arrived. But she hadn't woken up. Every time the doctors came out they would tell us about her, but it was never that she had woken up. But now. Now she's awake.

"...now you can go and visit her, one at a time though. And just be careful okay, she's sensitive as any other person who's attempted suicide would be. Thank you for waiting I know you kids have been here a lot recently. You're all doing so well. She's in room 27." the doctor smiled and walked off.

"So who wants to go first?" I asked hoping no one would volunteer.
"You go Arch, no need to be noble and let us go first" Betty says sweetly.
I smile and walk off trying to find room 27. Okay found it. Cmon I can do this. God what am I supposed to say...

I slowly open the door and the sight is somewhat relieving. She's just sitting up, drawing on the back of a form, no bandages or bruises on her face, just a breathing tube. I can't imagine what's under the gown though. I close the door behind me softly and she looks up.
"Hey" she smiles and puts down her pencil.
"Hi Ronnie...you have no idea how fucking glad I am to see you" I chuckle and take a seat next to her. For a moment it's silent, I don't think either of us can speak, well at least I can't. All I can do is stare at her absolutely gorgeous face. I seriously have no idea what the hell I'd do if I were never able to see it again.

"I'm sorry" she says breaking the silence.
"Don't be, you have nothing to apologise for" I immediately say softly to her. She smiles with a few tears welling up in her eyes.
"But I need to apologise" I continue.
"Why?" Her brow furrows slightly.
"Ronnie it's my job to protect you, to make you feel safe and like you aren't alone. And clearly I wasn't doing that very well. I can't even begin to imagine how hard things must be for you right now, I really can't. But I should've been there for you more, I should've checked in, I should've just been there-"
"Arch-"
"No Ronnie I'm serious. I would never want you to feel like you can't come to me about something. I seriously could not be a worse boyfriend-"
"And I couldn't disagree more" she smiles and grabs my hand.
"Archie...what I did...well what I tried to do, that wasn't the result of anything you did or didn't do..." she opens her mouth to say more but she closes it and rummages around a bag of the clothes she jumped in. Out of her pocket she grabbed a piece of paper that had slightly smudged ink from the water. She unfolded the piece of paper and handed it to me, still not saying anything.
Why, why not.

She wrote a list of reasons why or why not to kill herself. I let my eyes wonder the page, reading the why list first.
Dad-he's in jail yet again, I thought he was better. I thought he had changed. And while he does deserve it, I can't help but feel empty, betrayed. Watching my family get torn apart over and over again is just...it's just too much.
Slut-It's all I am. It's all I've been told I'll ever be. Nick Saint Claire saw me as an easy target for some action. Betty, though under the control of the black hood, told me just how disgusting I was, selling myself to anyone who walked in. It made me realise how worthless I really am.
My friends-I keep on hurting people who I love and care about. I keep on ruining things and maybe if I was gone than everyone would be happier, they'd be able to live less painful lives. I could do it for them.

I stop reading, tears in my eyes. How could she think this. She is so fucking perfect and she is so so important to so many people...who would all be so lost without her...
"Ronnie...I'm not sure what to say..." she had tears in her eyes too.
"I thought that list won. But read the why not side. I think that's why it didn't work. Because somehow my brain knew that the why not list was so much more reasonable, so it didn't give up on me. I think if you read it, it'll give you some peace of mind." She smiled with a few tears streaming down her cheeks.

Why not.

The list was comprised of small little things, lots of names.
Betty-My B would have to find a new V and god knows how long that would take.
Jughead-I wouldn't be able to help out his family anymore, and doing that makes me really happy.
Milkshakes with the gang-I can't imagine not having another chocolate milkshake at Pops with my favourite people.
Mom-she'd be alone, with no family left, I can't do that to her. She needs me.

And then there was 1 name left. How cliche. It was mine. There was no explanation next to it. It was just my name in bold.
Archie.
I folded the piece of paper back up and handed it to her. It was silent for a moment as she fidgeted with the piece of paper, almost nervously.
"My name...why my name?" I ask, it sounds like a stupid question but I had to know.
She sits still and thinks for a moment, maybe there is no reason.
"Because...you're my protection, my comfort, my calm before the storm and my shelter during it. I jumped because I forgot about that list, of things in my life that I just can't leave behind. But I'm glad that I lived Arch, because I want a future with you. I want marriage and kids and all of that crap that we aren't even thinking about yet because we're just teens. But I do really want that, with you. And giving up my life would mean I couldn't have it..." she fades off and puts the piece of paper away.
"Too soon?" She giggles, lightening up the mood.
"Well I'm not planning on proposing anytime soon so don't expect that from me Ronnie" I chuckle, keeping the mood light. She giggles softly, god imagine a life without that, how boring and plain.
"But maybe one day we'll be doing something totally random, like taking Vegas on a walk or going to pops and I'll just be so sick of having people call you Veronica Lodge so I'll spontaneously ask you to marry me, just so that you can be an Andrews. I know you'd probably expect something romantic but in case you haven't noticed I'm not exactly the most romantic guy in the world"
"I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll hold you to your word Andrews. Now your stuck with me" She giggles and holds my hand. I take a moment to just stare. When I was younger people always told me that staring was rude, that we should never look at people. But god I could stare at her all day. More specifically her eyes. They hold so fucking much, they're so alive, and refreshing. They're a break from reality. She is a break from reality. Where I can forget about football, music, murder and anything else. Just an Archie and Veronica world, where everything is just perfect, while also being super messed up. But I love it more than anything.

And right now things aren't great, and she's not okay. But she is still so perfect to me that it's almost insane. And so to let her know just how important she is, I find myself saying,
"Veronica Lodge you truely are a reason to live."

A/N Hey guys! I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, I figured a lot of the book was about Betty and her pregnancy so I figured I'd give Varchie a sweet moment! As always I appreciate you guys so so much love you all heaps xx