G1rl Under Management

[33]: Skipping A Secret

"Junk food has always been a girls dream."
- Unknown. 💕
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{RILEY'S POV}

Okay so I crossed a bottom line with Ryan, I don't truly feel sorry for myself but hey it's worth all my dignity at trial. We ended our playful night with cuddles and kisses, I went to my bedroom and he ended up in his.

I didn't think anything of it. We were just confused human beings and hadn't realized our mistake. At least that's what I'm hoping for. I laid in my bed thinking of my horrifying measures, I couldn't stop trolling myself. Everywhere I go it's like the same path wants to follow me.

I want out.
I need out.

I beg and stammer for help but as usual, there's no one. Even if my brain lets you in, it truly won't understand you.

Telling me things'll be fine but you know that's wrong. What's the matter with me?

Mistake after mistake is made and yet I'm still the disappointment I was years ago. And I'm not going to lie, people have always caught me there. But I still hate everything.

Yes, I'll throw a life's worth of sorries and will still manage to hate you. I'll hate you and myself, never forget why I'm here either, just don't. It'll only make things worse, not for the good but for the ultimately bad.

That's what I kept thinking in my head. Was I the bad influence on Ryan? Is it my fault that he thinks he likes me or worse - loves me? All night a fought a reason to walk downstairs and feast on my problems. The loneliness begged to creep in on me, so I let it.

I took the longest shower anyone would after my dirty work was done with Ryan, maybe I thought of him as a distraction for my own. I wouldn't know. I scraped at my skin in the shower, hoping the disgusting feeling of his hands touching me would wash away.

It didn't. His touch was still, in fact, grazing me. The man-whore got a away with a lot of shit, but I honestly didn't expect him to win on me.

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Morning soon appreciated itself by creeping in to the window that sat on top the surface of the walls. My eyes barely opened when I heard a knock at the door. Sighing, I quietly walked over to it and opened it slowly.

"Hey Riley! I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast if you wanna come down and eat?" Mrs. Jones smile perched through the door as a wake up call.

"Oh, I'll be down in a minute. Thanks Mrs. Jones!" I tried to beam as much as possible, I didn't want her to suspect anything weird going on.

Which it totally is.

"Sounds great!" After her last words she closed my door and I stood there, feeling poorly for myself.

How can I face that cynical pain in the ass? What if he tries something at the table and grazes my leg with his hand!? Or worse, winks! I couldn't stand a chance for that so I silently got dressed and skipped breakfast.

My parents always used to say: "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.." I think they were lying when they said it cheerfully. I could miss three days of breakfast and still be the chaotic freak I am now today.