Double Down (a double standards series) Dark Romance (Part 7)

Impenetrable

Some say strength means standing up for yourself and overcoming any obstacle tossed your way. Some think strength means never shedding a tear or showing emotion and some even measure strength in the ability to lift heavy objects..... Me, I don't define strength as any of these.

Some may consider me weak or scared of my shadow. The truth is that I am scared but never weak. A weak minded person would never survive all I have endured. I lost both of my parent's at a young age yet I survived. I was placed with an Aunt and Uncle who didn't want me, only wanted what I came with. I watched As they dwindled my money away while I lived like a pauper, yet I lived. Then my Aunt disappears and I'm left to ward off my uncle's sexual advancements, yet I fought. I escaped but lived on the streets not knowing where my next meal would come from, yet I didn't starve. Then I was rescued by a charming man who made me feel special if only temporary. Derrick took me in, feed me, clothed me, all the while forming me into his twisted fantasy girl to carry out his sexual desires. He beat me whenever he thought I was in need of correcting, yet I'm still standing.

Then I meet this mysterious man with green eye's and what a man he is. Everything beckons me to him. The way he walks and how his suit fits him just so. His woodsy scent and how it clings to my body hour's after I've gone. The way he moves so sure of himself. His voice that caresses my soul with each syllable spoken. The way his arm's feel around me, so loving, so protective. And the way he makes me feel when he makes sweet love to me. Oh this man. This man takes up every space in my head but I must keep him safe. Derrick can never know about us. Just another sacrifice I'm making in my life, putting my wants and needs aside to keep CJ safe. Giving up my opportunity for happiness so CJ remains alive. So yea, considering everything I've been through I've managed to survive it all and I will survive this man. My heart is broken, yet it still beats.

So yes, I'm strong. Keeping positive hopes that one day I will be free of Derick keeps me going. I may not fight back or do what some consider strong but I keep keeping on. After multiple beatings and sexual attacks I manage to still smile. Most couldn't handle what I've been through and not succumb to the darkness of depression but I do. Sure I've had a few suicidal thoughts but I'm no quitter. I refuse to take the easy way out. I'll see this life through and wish for the best.

My little coffee shop job gives me a flicker of happiness and allows me an escape if only temporary. Then the short time I was able to spend with CJ will last me a life time. For the first time I felt wanted and he'll never know what that means to me. It's hard when I want nothing more than to be with him but it wouldn't be fair to involve him in my mixed up world. Boy, I thought I hated Derick before but now? Now after given up my first chance at happiness I have a burning hate for him. He's due back soon and I don't know if I can contain my bile at having to lay with him this time, especially after having been with CJ. Some may question why I don't run off. Well because I know Derrick would have me hunted down in no time and his punishments would be to severe to endure. It's not much of a life but I am alive and I plan on keeping it that way.

A few more days went by and I had to fight myself to stay away from that fancy building where CJ laid his head. I had to close shop that night and couldn't wait to get home. My feet were achy and I couldn't wait until I could skip out of my shoes and prop them up while munching on some cookies I brought home from work. Since I've spent the last few day's crying my heart out over losing CJ I haven't been much good. I needed to catch up on thing's at home so I vowed to be done crying over him.

Once home, I slipped into my pajamas, settled into my comfy chair with my sack of cookies, propped my feet up and started channel surfing. I had just found something interesting to watch when my door opened. Jumping at the sound I heard his voice. "Did you miss me? I missed you. Now go get undressed".

My insides clinched at the sight of Derick. My hate seemed to ripple through me as I thought for the first time that I can't do this anymore. He looked at me in wonder as if contemplating why I haven't moved yet. "Alice, did you not hear me? I said undress". He said sternly.

" No". I said faintly.

"What did you just say?" He said knitting his brows together .

Mustering up every ounce of courage I had I said more strongly. "No".

He started stalking toward me in slow, deliberate steps. I stood up quickly thinking I stood a better chance against him. "I will tell you one more time Alice, get undressed". His voice was a slimy hiss.

Squeezing my fists tight, I stood my ground. "I said no. You will no longer rape me, beat me or anything. I want my freedom".

His hand cracked against my cheek sharply but this time I struck back. I hand connected to his jaw and he stood there in shock. All my pint up anger and hurt came boiling out and I begin to pummel him. "You sick bastard, your game is over. I'm done playing and letting you control me. I let you cost me my happiness and CJ".

I gasped when I realized that I let CJ's name slip out. Derrick shoved me hard back into the chair. "I warned you and him both." He growled jerking me back up.

I managed to break free and screamed. "Get out of here. This is done you sick fuck. You can never make me feel how he did. Your touch will never match his. He's a real man you pathetic piece of shit".

Derrick bomb rushed me sending me tumbling to the floor. He fell stop me and begin ramming my head into the wooden planks of the floor. I thought I'd black out before he stopped. I could feel the stickiness of blood from my head when he finally quit bashing it against the floor. Next his fists went to work on my face until one of my eye's was swollen shut. By the time he stopped my body ached and the pain was nearly unbearable. I recall him tearing my pajamas off before I blacked out. I'd come to occasionally and try to push him off but the darkness would succumb and I'd go back out. When he was done he smacked me awake. Standing above me he snarled. "Your little lover boy is going to die now".

He stormed out and I burst into tears. I must warn CJ but I could barely move. Biting my lip against the pain I managed to rise and make it to my room. I tossed in the first thing I saw and limped my way out the door.