A Dangerous Sub (gxg)

Eight

Controlling the anger swelling within her was a task for the woman. Could you imagine someone waking you from your sleep by spewing a slew of curses the second the lines connected? It was maddening. The woman didn't want Luther to stumble across her in such a mood and question why she was annoyed, so she did the breathing technique she usually did whenever stressed or in a foul mood. Inhaling slowly while holding for a few seconds, Joslyn exhaled. Washing her face at the sink she dried it quickly.

What did she get herself into? It was only three weeks since she agreed to help Amberle, but it felt like years at that point. The girl's obnoxious attitude day in day out was triggering, Joslyn felt weary at the thought of having to deal with the issue—she didn't need anything to point out how it was going to go. Amberle was a handful, and she took pride in being difficult so now the woman needed to adjust, it was only treating her accordingly from that moment forward.

Luther decided to stick his head into the woman's room while tapping his knuckles against the door. The unexpected visit startled her. The man waits a few seconds at the door before entering.

"Is everything alright? I heard you mumbling to someone a few minutes ago and it sounded as if you were upset," He always seemed to show up at convenient times the woman thought.

The older man was just as tall as she was, dressed in his usual flannel trousers and a light grey T-shirt, his soft dark brown hair with patches of grey at the temple was tossed wildly. He was a handsome man, but lately, the woman's feelings towards him withered up like dried leaves and as she studied him she felt the heaviness of the guilt weighing her down. Was he not the man she once cared deeply for?

"Oh yeah, it's nothing just my assistant. Is everything alright?" She lied.

"Yeah, everything's fine I guess."

"You guess?"

"I'm worried about you Lyn," the man confided and his response partially incited an uncomfortable tension in the atmosphere.

"Why?" She wasn't trying to be hard to deal with but was genuinely intrigued. She'd stepped away from Luther but he moved slowly while climbing into bed with her, snuggling up against her. The feel of him beside her was unusual and awkward.

"I don't know, but something about you seems off lately and I was hoping you'd open with me." He replied caressing the woman's face with the back of his fingers. All she did was glare at him with an inanimate expression— she didn't feel anything when he touched her but she noted the way his eyes sparkled from the things she no longer felt.

Luther eased himself slowly into the woman, his face close in an attempt to initiate a kiss. Before his lips touched hers, Joslyn pulled her face out of the way, causing the man to brush his lips against her cheek.

"I'm sorry, but I need to catch some shut-eye." She lied. There wasn't anything else for her to do so she faked a yawn, stretching her limbs out and above her. Luther studied her with his dark eyes, the shame of his unrequited feelings hooded his face and how it made the woman feel like a monster inside. She knew her husband was aware of what was happening between them, but they were both too comfortable with the other to even do anything about it.

Even if they decided to separate it won't do them any good. They were both in their late forties and to start a new life all over again would take time and that was the thing that gave her the most anxiety. Joslyn was afraid she wouldn't have as much time as she wished to start all over again. She thought about their sons Lance and Jaime and how such separation would devastate them.

Sometimes the woman felt like she was making all those excuses up not for her sons but because she feared failure. Luther was the only man she'd ever known, the only person who was always there no matter what, so to take the weight off her back when she thought of leaving she always tried to make herself feel better by thinking about her kids.

Deep in her thoughts, the woman didn't even realize when Luther left the room until she saw the emptiness of the side he was on. Joslyn didn't blame him for being angry or hurt, but all she needed was for him to understand. There was still love for him in her heart but the love was less. She loved him for being alive and for being a decent enough person but romantically? That love was dead and for years now. Ever since his affair three years prior nothing between them had returned to normal, not even the woman. All it did was drive her to revert to the things she did before she got married and damn did it feel good.