James' P.O.V
It absolutely broke my heart when Sam finally saw Cameron lying in that casket. He broke down completely. All those feelings he'd been repressing finally came to the surface.
One of the men hurried inside, looking around at us. He noted Sam crying uncontrollably in Ben's arms and asked if there was anything we needed.
I shook my head. The only things we needed, they couldn't give us. We needed Cameron and Danny back.
I sighed and thanked the man before he slipped back out the door, pulling it closed behind him.
"He was here, Ben. He was here and now he's there. I'm so scared. What's happening to me?" He asked.
Ben shook his head, holding Sam tighter and I tightened my grip on the bassist as well. "Everything is going to be okay, Sam. We'll get you through this. I promise." He said softly.
I took a few deep breaths, in an attempt to regain some composure.
I hesitantly let go of Sam, stepping over to Cameron's casket.
Tears fell from my eyes and I didn't bother to wipe them away.
If I hadn't know he was gone, I'd have thought he was sleeping. They did a good job.
"I'm so sorry, Cameron. Sorry I couldn't do more to help you. I should have done more." I had promised myself I wouldn't lose it, but here I was, standing next to my brothers casket breaking down.
"You did everything you could, James." Ben said, looking over at me, still holding Sam.
I shook my head. "That's just it, I didn't. I could have done more. I should have done more." I said, my attention still focused on the man lying in the casket.
I felt responsible for his death and I probably always would. He should be here now. They both should. They would be here if I'd have stepped in and done more.
Seconds later I felt Ben's arm wrap around me. "Don't do this, James. Don't blame yourself for what happened. It's only going to drive you insane." He said.
I nodded, but still felt like I'd let both Ben and Sam down. Not to mention Cameron and Danny.
I sighed and turned my attention back to my two brothers. "I love you both" I started. "Love you so fucking much. This hurts, and I don't know how or if I'll be able to make it through." I shook my head, turning to look at Ben and Sam's faces.
"Don't say that." Sam said softly.
He was breaking my heart. I knew this was hard on him. He hadn't had time like we did, even though it wasn't that much time, to prepare for this day. He honestly thought his husband had come back to him. I wish he had. I wish they both had.
Sam closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath "I feel like I'm going to pass out..." He said, gripping Ben's shoulder tight.
"Let's get him to the couch." I said, taking Sam's other arm as we led him to the couch. Sam's body went limp and we knew he had passed out.
"Sam?" Ben said, shaking the bassist lightly. "Sam, come on. Wake up." He added.
Ben looked up at me, panic plastered all over his face. We were both scared and worried why the bassist wasn't waking up.
One of the men came back in the room to check on us, and Ben immediately shouted "Call 911!"
The man nodded and ran out of the room.
"Don't you do this to us, Sam. Open your eyes, please." Ben pleaded.
"The ambulance is on it's way, the man informed us, heading back out in the hallway.
"Ben, I'm scared. What if he doesn't wake up?" I asked.
Ben shook his head "We're not going to think like that, James" He started "Sam is going to be fine. He wouldn't leave us. Not now."
I couldn't help but wonder if Sam had to fight to come back to us, would he? He was lost without Cameron. Would he want to be here without him?
I could hear the sirens in the distance and I already started feeling better.
"Help is here, mate. And we're not going to leave you. I promise." Ben said.
The men loaded Sam's limp body onto the stretcher and rolled him out of the funeral home. We followed closely behind.
The director said they would wait on the visitation and service until they heard more from us.
I thanked them for all their help and jumped in the back of the ambulance.
"Please don't take Sam from us. We can't lose another one." I said softly, glancing over at Ben. "We can't lose anyone else. Please, don't take him."
Ben wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and grabbed mine with the free one. ""We're not losing him. Not now." He said, looking up to see how far we were from the hospital.
"Can this thing go any faster?" Ben asked, trying his best not to sound rude.
"Sir, we're going as fast as we can. We'll get there soon. I promise."
I kind of felt bad for them. They were only doing their jobs. I could only imagine the things they've seen and the things they've been through. I wouldn't want to trade places with them that was for sure.
I took Sam's other hand in mine, and let out a sigh of relief when the ambulance stopped in front of the emergency room doors.
They rolled him inside and we followed, only being told to sit down and they'd let us know something soon.
I sighed and took a seat in one of the chairs in the crowded waiting room.
Ben took a seat next to me, resting his head against the wall, his eyes closing slowly.
This was going to be a long night.
