James' P.O.V
I couldn't even imagine what Ben and Sam were going through now. I know we'd all lost someone, but they lost the people they loved most in this world. The people they thought they were going to spend the rest of their lives with.
Ben had somehow managed to keep it together, until now. I knew sooner or later he was going to break. And I was right.
I kept my arms wrapped around the guitarist as he cried into my neck. His body wracked with each sob and my heart broke a little more each time.
I felt helpless. I hated feeling this way. I wanted to help them. Wanted to be able to take it all away and make it better, but I knew I couldn't.
Ben looked up at me after a few minutes, tears still streaming down his face "I'm sorry" he said softly.
I shook my head, "you have no reason to apologize, Ben. I'm surprised you were able to keep it together for this long." I admitted.
He took in a couple deep breaths, as he loosened his grip on me. "I miss him, James. Miss him so fucking much. I don't know how to live without him." He whispered.
I swallowed hard and sighed softly, "you have me and Sam, Ben. I know I'm not Danny, but you're my brother and I will do anything to make sure you're okay." I replied.
Ben nodded, digging in his pockets for his cigarettes. He lit one, handing it to me before lighting one for himself.
"Sometimes I forget he's gone. I'll crawl in bed and wonder where he is. Or I'll wake up and reach for him, only he's not there. And he never will be again." He said, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.
I nodded, taking a hit off the cigarette Ben had given me.
"So, let's talk about something else." He laughed nervously. "Think Matt and Andy are going to give in and get back together?" He asked.
I shrugged. "I mean, I hope so. They belong together." I added.
Ben nodded "right? Danny always said we'd have a double wedding with them." His voice trailed off for a moment and he cleared his throat.
"I'm so sorry, Ben. This should have never happened. You don't deserve this. Sam don't deserve this." I shook my head, taking the last hit off the thin stick before tossing it on the ground.
"James, you're acting as if Sam and I are the only ones who were hurt by this. We know you loved Cameron and Danny too." He started "you don't always have to be the brave one, you know?" He said.
I nodded, looking up when the door opened and Sam appeared. He'd been crying. His face was wet and his eyes were red.
Ben and I both jumped up and went to him, wrapping our arms around him.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
He shook his head.
I knew it was a stupid question, and automatically felt bad for asking. No he wasn't okay. None of us were. I was beginning to think we never would again.
Ben's P.O.V
I sighed softly, pulling back to look at Sam. "Hey, I have an idea." I started, lightly running my fingers across Sam's cheek. "Come on." I said, grabbing both Sam and James' hand and leading them to my room.
I opened the door and stepped inside, bringing them with me before closing the door behind us.
"I think a sleepover is needed." I said, smiling softly.
Sam and James both grinned and nodded, jumping on my bed.
This was something we did often. I couldn't tell you how many times the five of us piled in a bed and slept together. Sometimes it was because we were too tired to go to our own rooms, other times it was because we didn't want to be alone.
Either way, it felt right now. I didn't wanna be alone, and I could tell they didn't either.
I smiled and jumped on the bed, sliding in the middle.
"See, we're all already smiling. It's already working." I said, only half joking.
"Are we going to make it?" Sam asked softly.
No one said a word for a moment, it was almost as if we were thinking hard about the question. Were we going to make it?
What did that even mean anymore? Did I really want to make it without the love of my life? Would Sam be able to go on? What about James?
"We are" James said finally, tears sliding down his cheek. "As long as we stick together, there's nothing we can't do. It's not going to be easy, and I know there will be days when we feel like throwing in the towel, but Danny and Cameron would want us to live. They'd want us to do all those things we dreamed about..." his voice trailed off for a moment and he looked at Sam and I. "I can't lose either of you now. I just can't."
I took in a deep, shaky breath as I slid an arm around James' waist. I felt horrible that I hadn't spent more time worrying about how he was dealing with everything. He was falling apart too, and neither of us seemed to pay too much attention to it.
"James" Sam started "I'm so sorry we haven't been there for you. You've been there for both of us, and pretty much ignoring your own feelings. I know this is hard on you too."
James nodded "I mean it is....but I wasn't with either of them. They were my brothers, but that's all."
I shook my head "James! Don't talk like that. They both meant a lot to you. You were as close as they come to both of them and we're both so sorry we've kind of neglected you. It won't happen again." I promised.
James offered us a smile and nodded "thank you." He said, trying to hide a yawn.
I knew it had been awhile since any of us had a good nights sleep. We were all physically and emotionally exhausted. Maybe tonight we'd all get some rest.
I cuddled in between them as James turned off the light. "I love you both." I said softly.
"Love you" Sam said
"Love you.." James replied.
"Goodnight." I said softly as I closed my eyes.
