Lovely || Demi Lovato

Fine

|• Chapter 1- Fine •|

Tear me to pieces, skin and bone;
Hello, welcome home.

A M E L I A

Thoughts swarm my mind like flies attacking a melted ice cream laying on a hot road, practically screaming the happiness of summer and the effect it has on children. Summer, it's stereotypically the best time of the year for children of ages five to eighteen. It means a break from all the chaos that surrounds school.

Summer, however, is the biggest enemy to people like me. People who have so much to hide, and yet are expected to act as though everything is fine although they're slowly breaking from the inside. 'Fine' had become a word I'm frequently using, a word that explains my existence.

I am fine.

I'm fine with the habits I have. I'm fine with the indescribable sadness I've developed. I'm fine with the thoughts of death that swarm my head like flies.

I am fine.

Today, was no special day, but the thoughts that surrounded my mind so violently, almost sounding like a human figure whispering them in my ear; like the warm breeze on a trial in the summer light; they made today a special day.

They made everyday special, because I knew it was far from normal.

I knew I was far from normal.

As I walked down the stairs of my unnecessarily large home, the feeling of loneliness claims my heart as it's own. White walls, filled with nothing but blankness as my father was too busy with work to have time for interior design.

Leather couches still firm from hardly ever being sat on. Kitchen counters and walls that should be a reminder of so many childhood memories are just a reminder that he's never home.

A reminder that I'm always alone.

My stomach clenches as the fear cascades down my back in the form of small droplets. A feeling of sheer panic rushes over me at the thought of dying alone breaks through the thought of leaving.

Dying and Leaving are two different things.

As much as I want to leave this cruel world, end it all, I know it's not right.

Having these thoughts aren't right.

Wanting something so bad that will cause so much pain, is not right.

Even if I know he wouldn't care if I was alive or dead, wanting to kill myself is not alright.

Dying.

Dying means that I haven't left, my body has just shut down and I've been left as a spirit.

Dying means that I haven't given up, rather my body has.

Dying alone is the ultimate sign that in your life, you haven't collected anybody who cares, and as of right now, if I were to die, I knew I would die alone.

"Are you happy without me?" A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked up to the sky, reciting the same line I had first spoken, merely eight years ago.

•••

So, thoughts?
If you guys are familiar with either Julia (susanlovato) or I (kyrstinmackenze) , try to figure out who wrote which chapter???
-Kyrstin