Lovely || Demi Lovato

Blade

| • Chapter 19 - Blade • |

heart made of glass, my mind of stone

A M E L I A

"Why do you have that?!" Dianna questions as the panicked teen stands before her, gripping onto me tighter.

"I-I accidentally mistook Amelia's phone for mine and wanted to change my phone case b-but I found a blade." Maddie explains as I fist Dianna's shirt in my bruised hands, not taking my eyes off the piece of metal.

"Amelia, baby girl; is that your-?" Dianna asks but I ignore her, gazing at the blade. She didn't even finish her sentence because she couldn't believe it.

What a shock it must be for a depressed, lonely teenage girl to cut herself.

Everyone's eyes were on me, I just felt everyone's judgmental stares but the one thing that got to me the most was when Dianna's grip loosened, making me slowly fall to the ground.

I look towards Demi who hasn't moved away from her previous spot yet she now sat on her hands and swaying back and forth, eyes squeezed shut.

She hates me.

She's so disappointed that she has a sister like me.

I'm a disappointment.

"Amelia, is Madison telling the truth? Did you have a blade in your phone case?" Eddie asks, kneeling down before me.

I stare in his eyes before glancing over to Demi who was now starring at me, waiting for an answer, her lips moving yet no words came out.

"I-I-" What am I supposed to say? Hasn't anyone expected this though?

Bullying, death, abandonment; I'm anything but happy.

You know, when I was younger and my dad was obligued to look after me, he taught me that I I hurt my hand, I should bang my head so my hand wouldn't hurt as much. I took that phrase very seriously so when I hurt mentally, I had to hurt myself physically to ignore the ongoing agony going on in my head.

"Just answer them!" Maddie snaps, throwing the blade to the floor, making it slide right next to my thigh. The metal clinking and glistening in the light.

Take it.

Take the blade.

Distract them then take the blade.

I begin to cough violently, folding over myself, shifting my hand onto the blade before griping onto it as tightly as I could, feeling my skin open from the pressure.

"Are you okay? You have to breath, c'mon." Eddie instructs, his big hand landing softly on my back as I now choke on my sobs.

Taking everyone by surprise, I get up and run up the stairs, locking myself in the bathroom.

"Oh God." I whisper to myself as I see the violent cuts on my hand.

They'll think I'm crazy.

I am crazy.

"Amelia, open the door!" I hear Demi desperately plead from the other side of the door, attempting to pull it open.

"I'm so, so sorry." I cry into my hands as I hear multiple voices beg for me to let them in.

Demi's voice was the most hurt.

Dianna's the most desperate.

Eddie's concerned.

It all overwhelmed me.

My breathing got heavier and choppier with each passing second and I begun to see black patches form before my eyes. Soon enough, my eyes fell shut as all the shouts and screams turned into a high pitched noise, and I passed out.

---

"-happened if she was with me, you're not fit enough to be a mother, that's why Amelia shall stay under my care as soon as I come back!"

"You've got to be fucking with me right now! She has scars all over her fucking hips and thighs! You've ruined her! You're killing her! All you ever do is work, go out- you have a fucking daughter at home you careless dip shit!"

"She's more than capable enough to look after herself but you're mentally fucked up daughter just had to fuck mine up as well! It's all in your genes Dianna, and you know it! You're fucked up but don't want the blame for anything so you blame me! I have a job, I make money for her and I, she gets whatever she needs and you say I'm a bad dad?! Oh please, she'd probably kill herself with you!"

"You know what? Your head is so far up your ass it's magical, Jackson! You're not getting her back, she's staying with me, and that's final."

I squint my eyes open as I try to grip onto something near me due to the pounding head ache.

"Amelia?" I try to look towards the voice but everything's blurry.

"Huh?" I groan at the dryness in my mouth, biting down on my lip.

"She's awake!" A younger voice exclaims.

"Here baby girl, sit up for me." Gentle hands help me sit up and hand me a glass of water.

Instantly, I down the whole glass before sighing as everything slowly settles in.

"How are you feeling baby love?" Demi's soft voice whispers as she tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I don't know." I answer truthfully.

I didn't know.

Am I sad? Scared? Anxious?

Suicidal even.

It frightens me that I don't really care anymore.

They've obviously seen my cuts, my blade, just how fucked up I am... but I don't care.

Should I care?

"And that's okay." Demi coos. "But why haven't you told me?" She asks.

"Because I know you'll leave me, everyone does."

I'm used to it.

•••
Welp. I give up. I accept failure in all of my classes. But yeah, so this happened. Idk, lmk what y'all think